“Yeah, I’m fine.”
He searches my eyes, and whatever he finds certainly doesn’t encourage him to move along from the awkwardness. “Well, we can at least commit to Thanksgiving, right?”
“Rem, I really don’t want to talk about this right now.”
Please stop pushing me. Please, please, please.
“Talk about what? Thanksgiving?” he questions, and it is my official undoing. The match to my flame.
“Everything,” I blurt out in a rush and push myself back from the table with two firm hands. “Everything. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Making future plans when I don’t even know what the hell we’re doing here. I don’t even know what we are, Remy!”
“Oh shit,” someone in the room mutters, but Rem is too focused on me to even notice.
“What?” he questions, and he leans his body away from mine. “You’re questioning us? That’s what this is all about?”
Normally, I wouldn’t answer that question, or maybe I’d ask him to step out of the damn dining room to discuss it privately, but it’s like I’ve reached a breaking point. I’m so done with carrying around all this stress and uncertainty that I can’t think about anything besides getting it off my chest.
“Oh, c’mon, Rem,” I retort. “You have to realize that we haven’t established anything about our relationship. Or if we even have a relationship. Let’s just enjoy ourselves and not worry about the rest, Maria. Can’t we do that?” I taunt in his voice, and Winnie’s eyes widen to the size of saucers. Even Ty’s and Jude’s mouths look like they’ve been permanently sewn shut.
“We’re together all the time, Maria.” Remy looks at me like I’ve slapped him. “We just went on a trip together. I don’t know how much more obvious it could be.”
“Do you realize that I’ve never even been to your apartment?”
“That’s because all of Izzy’s stuff is at your place! I always thought it was just easier that way. If you want to go to my apartment, then we can go to my apartment. I don’t give a shit where we go.”
He’s getting frustrated now, but yeah, join the club. One by one, the people behind him start to file out of the room as quickly as they can manage. Winnie is the only one brave enough to come get Izzy, but to be honest, Remy and I are so entrenched in our shitfest, we barely even notice.
“It’s not about that, Rem. It’s about the fact that it feels a lot like we’ve been playing house, but we’ve never had a serious conversation about what we’re really doing. And it’s becoming too much. Izzy is so attached to you. And I feel guilty for allowing that when I don’t even know if we have a future.”
“What the fuck, Maria?” he nearly shouts and stands up from his chair.
The dining room is empty save for us, in the middle of it, shouting at each other. Way to ruin a family dinner.
“Remy, now isn’t the time for us to have this discussion.”
“Oh, but it is. You’ve started it, Ri, and now we’re going to finish it.”
“No, we’re not.” I stand up from my chair. “I’m going to take Izzy home. You stay here and enjoy the rest of dinner with your family.”
“They’re your family, too, you know.”
Knowing anything else I say will just set him off, I simply walk toward the dining room doors to leave. If I want time, I should have time, dammit.
But when I turn the knob, the door doesn’t budge.
What the hell?
I tug on the door some more, hoping to jiggle it free, but it’s not moving.
What the fuck? Did those Winslow fuckers lock us in here together?
“I can’t believe you’re all of a sudden questioning all this,” Remy continues on a tirade. “That’s so fucked up.”
“How is that fucked up?” I turn back toward him, irritation guiding my movements. “I’m pretty sure any woman in my situation would start questioning shit. Especially when there’s a child involved.”
“A child whom I’ve done nothing but love and take care of.”
“You’re right, you have. You’ve been amazing to Izzy, Rem. And to me too. More than amazing, actually. But at this point, I have to ask myself, what are we even doing? Is there even a future? In one year, are you still going to be around? What about two or three? Or ten? And if not, what will that do to Izzy?”
What would that do to you?
The mere idea of it all, of Remy just up and leaving us, well, it feels almost as painful as the day I found out my sister wasn’t coming home.