It feels like losing a piece of myself. Like losing my person. My family.
“I’ve lost enough,” I find myself whispering raggedly. “I can’t lose another person I love. And for as long as things continue on like they are, without definition or labels, I can’t know that I won’t. And that’s fucking scary.”
Remy
I watch Maria’s eyes fill with tears. She quickly turns back toward the door and tugs on it some more, apparently unable to open the damn thing.
But it’s hard for me to focus on that because I feel like she just tore my heart out of my chest.
She just acted like it was possible for me to walk away from her and Izzy. Like one day, I’ll just decide that I’m done with them and simply leave them behind.
I am not my father, and I am most definitely not that guy.
She’s banging her fists on the door now. “Can someone open this? It’s locked!”
“I know it’s locked.” Jude’s voice echoes from the other side of the wall.
“Jude, unlock it, please,” Maria begs, and her voice is shaky with unshed tears. “I need to go.”
“No.” My sister is now chiming in. “You need to stay and talk it out.”
“Winnie?” Maria lets her forehead fall to the door with a soft thud. “What the hell? I need to make sure Izzy is okay.”
“She’s good, hun. Still sleeping. My mom has her.”
Maria turns back to me. “You do realize your family locked us in here, right?”
I nod. “I do.”
“Okay…but how are we supposed to get out of here?”
“We’ll let you out once you two talk it out!” Jude is back. “Not sure if you realize this, Maria, but you and my brother belong together!”
His words unleash something inside her, causing a flood of tears to roll down her cheeks.
It’s heartbreaking, to be honest. To see her like this, knowing that I play a part in why she’s upset. It reminds me so much of the day that I’ve come to regret more than anything in my life.
The day I watched Maria cry just like this…and then let her walk away.
Twenty-Six Years Ago
Late Summer, after senior year
Remy
Nerves fill my chest, and Maria sits beside me, at one of our favorite spots in Central Park. She fidgets with her jean shorts, and I try to gain the strength to have a conversation with her that I know is going to be hard.
In less than a week, I’m going to be heading off for college, and Maria will be here, finishing her last two years of high school.
I love this girl like crazy, I really do, but I don’t think staying together is the right thing. She should enjoy her last two years of high school, and I should have the freedom to enjoy being in college.
We shouldn’t be stressed over a long-distance relationship right now.
We should just be living our lives. Having fun. Enjoying being young while we can.
“Do you want to grab dinner aft—” she starts to say just as I finally find the courage to tell her. As a result, we pretty much talk over each other.
“We need to talk, babe.”
Her eyes jerk to mine, but I repeat myself, just to ensure she hears me.
“We need to talk, babe.”
She doesn’t say anything at first, instead searching my gaze. Eventually, she looks out toward the park and nods. “Yeah, I guess we do, huh? You’re leaving soon, and we need to figure out where we go from here.”
“Yeah,” I say, nodding even though she isn’t looking at me. “I don’t want to break up, but I don’t see how we’re going to be able to stay together.”
She grimaces, her eyes fixated on her shoes. “You don’t think we can manage long-distance,” she says, her voice tinged with sadness.
Fuck. This is hard. Harder than I thought it would be.
“I…I don’t think that would be good for either one of us, you know?”
She looks up at me, and one tear slips from her lid and down her cheek.
I feel like the biggest bastard on the planet.
“Fuck, babe. I’m sorry. I hate this. I hate—”
“It’s okay.” She shakes her head and sniffles. “I understand. You deserve to start college with a clean slate. A new beginning without anything holding you back.”
I don’t know what to say to that, but Maria doesn’t give me any time to figure it out. She stands up from the park bench and leans down to press a soft kiss to my cheek. Her last kiss to my cheek. “Goodbye, Remington Winslow.”