“Guilt? Can you talk about that?”
“Well, I fluctuate from feeling guilty about wanting to call it quits and move right onto divorce and be done with it to feeling guilty about wanting to maybe try to get past it—as if I’m letting people down by taking him back and allowing for the bad behavior to be forgiven. Mostly I feel like I’d be letting myself and the kids down if I do. How can I set an example for them about how someone should be treated if I condone his behavior?”
Maggie stayed silent. When the silence grew long enough to feel uncomfortable, Mandy jumped in to fill the space.
“I just don’t know what’s best. One minute I want to try again and to have our old life back as much as possible. The next minute I almost hate him and can’t stand the thought of being physical with him ever again. I actually feel repulsed at the thought of his touch. I suppose that doesn’t bode well for fixing this?”
“Maybe not? Maybe your body knows what it wants or doesn’t want and your mind hasn’t caught up yet?”
That resonated with Mandy. She had a feeling that she knew in her gut what she needed to do, she just wasn’t ready to commit to it yet. It was easier to float in limbo for the time being.
She chatted with Maggie for another half hour. The time went by so fast that she was surprised when the old-fashioned clock on the wall chimed that the hour was up. They agreed to meet the next week at the same time and as Mandy walked outside and got into her car, she felt a bit lighter, and was glad that she’d agreed to meet with Maggie. She could see why Barbara liked her. Maggie was easy to talk to and was a good listener. Most importantly, she helped Mandy to dig deeper into her own feelings.
Chapter 22
“What is up with you? You’re glowing. It started when you came home from New York last weekend. I’ve noticed it all week.” Jill looked up from her laptop to see both her sister, Emma and Izzy looking at her. Izzy was in Emma’s lap as she sat across from Jill at the kitchen table. It was Friday morning and Emma was heading into the restaurant soon for a lunch shift.
Jill smiled. She hadn’t said anything yet because she wasn’t convinced at first that what she and Billy had was real, but they’d been talking every day since she saw him and it was starting to feel very real. She’d already booked a flight to head to New York the following weekend.
“I guess Billy and I are sort of dating now. It just happened this past weekend, and it’s still really new.”
“Good, it’s about time. I like Billy and the thought of the two of you together.” Emma looked thoughtful before adding, “Maybe it’s better this way, with you here. You can let it unfold more slowly, kind of ease into it?”
Jill nodded. “I hope you’re right. We’re not really telling anyone yet, especially the employees. We’ll have to figure out the best way to handle that. For now, it’s easier with me not there as much.”
When Jill arrived in Manhattan the following Thursday night, Billy was at the airport to collect her. He looked as excited and as nervous as she felt and she was relieved to see it wasn’t just her feeling that way.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he said before pulling her in for a welcome kiss that took her breath away.
“Me too.”
They went to Rosa Mexicano for dinner and margaritas and then back to Jill’s condo, which was nearby. They had a wonderful night, and it felt so natural to finally be together. Billy spent the night, and the next morning they went into work together. Then out to drinks with the team after work and back to Billy’s condo where they spent most of the rest of the weekend. It was a whirlwind weekend and the best time Jill ever had. They were both sad when Billy dropped her at the airport Sunday night for her flight back to Nantucket.
“When will you come to Nantucket again?” she asked as he walked her in.
“I’d love to come ASAP, but do you think maybe we should wait awhile on that? People in the office might start to wonder if I go too soon?”
He had a good point.
“I didn’t think of that. And there’s probably more benefit to me being in the office with everyone, anyway. So, for the next few months, I’ll come your way and then we’ll see. Sound good?”
He answered by pulling her close and kissing her senseless before pulling back and grinning. “Works for me. Text me when you get home.”
“I will. Bye, Billy.”
Jill felt like pinching herself as she settled into her seat on the plane and gazed out the small window, watching the other planes take off. Finally, she and Billy were together, and it was better than she’d imagined it could be. She just hoped it continued, and that nothing changed.