I pause and turn toward her. “Why are you getting mad at me?”
“Because you’re getting mad at me. Instead of worrying and acting like you got caught, maybe you should sit down and talk this out like a normal adult. You know, maybe ask how I am? Not everything is about you, Cooper.”
Shit, she’s right.
Dealia is just my ex-wife—our ship has sailed. But Dealia and Nora are still friends. Nora risked so much more being with me that night than I did. She risked her friendship, one she’s had for many years.
Taking a deep breath, I sit down next to her. “Shit, I’m sorry, Nora. How are you doing?”
“Right now? I kind of want to punch you.”
“Punch me? Why?”
“Because why do you care so much what she thinks? You seriously look like you’re about to throw up. You’re not married to her anymore, Coop. It’s not like you cheated. Maybe used me—”
“I didn’t use you,” I say, even though the words don’t feel right coming off my tongue.
“You didn’t? So you just fucked me and forgot my number or where I worked or where I lived? Or how about the texts I sent you—that went unanswered—to see if you were okay? If you’re going to be open about this, let’s be honest about everything.”
“Why are we even being open about this?” I ask.
“Because it’s the elephant in the room, and I don’t know, it seems like when you keep coming to visit me at the shop, it’s not really about changing the cake order and more about using that as an excuse to see me. Or am I wrong?” When I don’t answer, she shakes her head and looks off to the side. “Just leave, Cooper. You’re clearly not ready to be a man about this.”
My initial instinct is to stand from the couch, grab my clothes from the dryer, and take off, but that’s exactly what everyone would expect from me.
Crawling under a rock when I don’t want to face the reality.
And the reality right now is that I like Nora. I like her a lot, but a black cloud is hanging over the beginning of something that I think can be great. But I’m terrified. I’m terrified of opening up, of what she might think when we do address the elephant in the room. I’m terrified of losing a second chance at being with this girl.
But if I want to move forward with Nora—which, with each passing moment, I realize that I desperately do—then I need to face the facts. We have to talk about this.
So instead of falling back into old habits, instead of running away from tough conversations like I did time after time with Dealia, I don’t get up. Instead, I look Nora in the eyes and take a deep breath. “I’m worried if I address the elephant in the room, you might not like what unravels, and I don’t want to lose out on a second shot with you.”
“Instead of assuming the kind of reaction I might have, why don’t you give me the opportunity to react in my own way?”
I nod. She’s right. I’m not allowing her to react, and that’s not fair. “Okay.” On a deep breath, I continue: “Dealia didn’t understand me. And I know I did my fair share to ruin our marriage, and even though we’ve been divorced for a while now, I still feel like I can’t navigate through a healthy relationship properly . . . with anyone.”
“What do you mean she didn’t understand you?” Nora asks, the anger in her eyes turning to concern.
“Listen, she’s your best friend, and I don’t want anything to change that, but our relationship was never on the right wavelength, and we ignored it until we couldn’t anymore. We had plans. We had these dreams of moving around every six months, exploring the world. But then my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s, and that felt . . . life changing to me. It put my entire thought process into perspective, and I started canceling on all the trips she wanted to take. I stopped dreaming with her.”
“But she knew about your dad’s Parkinson’s.”
“She did, but she didn’t understand when I told her I had to stay close. I hurt her by giving up on her dreams, on her ambitions—”
“You didn’t give up.”
I shake my head. “I did. At that moment, my wife took a back seat to my family. Then from there, it went downhill. Everything I did was wrong. Everything I said was offensive. I couldn’t do right by her, no matter how hard I tried, but I knew the one thing she wanted, the one thing she asked me to do, I couldn’t give her.”
“What did she want?”