“Perfect,” Julian says.
As we eat, Julian regales us with stories from the conference, making sure to throw in some silly stories he’s concocted to make Valentina laugh.
Later, after we’ve put her to bed, Julian pours us each a glass of chardonnay. “Why don’t we take these upstairs to the bedroom and turn on the fireplace?”
I can’t think of anything better. I take my glass, and we walk side by side up the wide staircase to our bedroom, where he clicks the gas fireplace remote and the flames spring to life, spreading a golden glow over the room. We sit in front of the fire, facing each other. Julian looks tired; he moves his head from side to side and massages the back of his neck. “How did everything go? It looks like you and Valentina had a good time together,” he says, dropping his hand to the arm of the chair.
“Yes. We had a wonderful day. Just about finished all my Christmas shopping.” I push the voices and the knife from my mind.
Julian looks at his glass and swirls the liquid around, then lifts his gaze back to me. “I see the Jaguar keys are back. Where did you find them?”
There’s an uneasiness in my stomach. I try to think of a lie that makes sense, but my mind is blank, so I go with the truth. “They were in my bag.” I move to the edge of my seat, keeping my feet on the floor to ground myself. “I don’t remember putting them there, Julian. I mean, why would I? I never drive your car. I don’t know how they got there.” I can tell I’m talking way too fast, and all the words are running together.
“Hm. Yes.” He sighs.
I wait, wondering if that’s all he’s going to say. His silence becomes unbearable, but then a thought strikes me. “Maybe Nancy put them in my purse by mistake.”
“The thing is, Cassandra—how do I say this?” He looks away and sighs again. “The thing is that this has happened before. I was hoping it wouldn’t start again.” He’s looking at me now, his eyes intense. “Stealing things and hiding them. Not because of any particular value given to or need for the item, though. Kleptomania is actually linked to a lack of impulse control.”
The hysteria rising inside me makes me want to laugh. Kleptomania? How am I not in a padded cell by now?
Julian moves forward toward me. “But you really don’t remember taking the keys?”
I shake my head furiously. “No.”
He looks at me, and I see pity in his face. “I was wrong to mention kleptomania. I’m sorry. This is different because you don’t remember taking the keys.” He gets up and sits on the arm of my chair, patting my back. “We can work on this and help you understand why it’s happening. Don’t worry, darling.” He kisses the top of my head. I lean back into him, but how can I feel reassured when there are holes all over my brain?
“We’ve both had a long day, so let’s make it an early night,” Julian says, rising from the chair. “You’ll be refreshed for your therapy session tomorrow, and we can talk more about this after that.”
I soon hear the water running. While he’s in the shower, I run to the guest room and take the shoebox from the closet, fumbling with the lid as I open it. My journal is in the box, underneath a folded necktie of Julian’s and a child’s heart-shaped locket studded with small stones that look like diamonds. I don’t remember taking the tie or the locket. My throat feels like it’s closing. I tear the journal from the box and open it, but the pages are blank. I’m sweating now, and my hands tremble as I shove everything back into the box and push it to the back of the closet as if it’s a ticking time bomb.
Trying my best to steady myself, I return to our room. Julian is still in the bathroom, and I can hear the sound of his electric razor. After I glance up to make sure the bathroom door is firmly shut, I pull open the bottom dresser drawer and unwrap the towel to find Valentina’s book. I feel a modicum of relief to see it’s still there, but when I take a closer look at Valentina’s photo on the front cover, I gasp. There is a big red X drawn over her face. I drop the book, swallowing hard, and shut the drawer just as the bathroom door opens and Julian comes into the bedroom.
“Care to join me?” he asks, pulling the covers back and settling himself in.
Nodding, I slide into bed next to him. While Julian reads, I hold my book, staring at the page without seeing the words while I try not to look at the dresser drawer. All I can see is the X over Valentina’s picture. After a little while Julian closes his book and leans over to kiss me. “I missed sleeping next to you last night.” He begins to caress me, but I am too full of pent-up anxiety to respond tonight.