Feeling emboldened by what I had done, I’d lowered my defenses, and I was more comfortable with this stranger than I would normally have been. “Can you keep a secret?” I whispered, ensuring no one could hear us.
“You wouldn’t believe how well,” he said, a twinkle in his eyes.
The words were burning inside of me, and I had to let them out. “I just quit my job.”
His eyes grew wide. “Seriously? I hope it wasn’t something I said.”
“It was. Sort of. It was more something someone else has been saying to me for a long time, and you helped me see he was right. But don’t worry. This is a good thing, or at least someday, I’m pretty sure I’ll look back and think it was.”
“Are you certain?” His kind eyes showed concern.
I paused for a moment, thinking about what it might feel like to not worry about what I would write on my time sheet for every six-minute increment of my day and start living them instead.
I knew it would be difficult to explain to my parents what I’d done, but the adrenaline was still pulsing through me, and I said, “Yeah, I’m sure.”
And I was. Or at least I would be after I called Carrie. That phone call would be difficult because we had been each other’s rock for our entire time at the firm. I couldn’t imagine ever being there without her, and I knew she felt the same way.
“You’re in no rush to head back, then?” he asked.
“I suppose not,” I said.
I glanced around the room and saw my mother passing out chai from a serving tray, her stoic face masking the pain I knew was simmering beneath the surface. I saw my father chanting prayers in a circle with the other men, looking like he belonged in a way he never had back in America. Dipti had come downstairs, and Neel was now seated next to her at the end of the large L-shaped sofa. Their body language was distant despite their proximity. It was subtle, something that would go unnoticed by everyone else in the room, but the photographer in me had always been an active observer, and I could tell there was an unspoken barrier between them. In this crowded house, it was difficult to find private time, but I’d have to make sure to pull Neel aside at some point because, while he was putting on an award-winning performance, I wasn’t buying it. And now I could focus on him without any distraction from Jared.
13
After returning from a long walk the following morning, I anxiously bounced my foot while I waited for the countless pixels to conjure up the image of my best friend.
“Is this thing working?” Carrie said as she tapped the screen, her red hair swinging forward as she leaned in.
“Can you see me?” I asked.
“There you are. Finally, a fun use for this fancy video-conferencing software the firm installed.” She leaned toward the screen, close enough for me to spot the faint freckles on her nose and cheeks. “So, what is going on? I haven’t heard from you since I dropped you off at the airport. The Warden is losing his mind.”
Hearing her voice and being able to see her through the computer screen was so comforting. “I know. This has been the most intense week of my life.” My voice caught in my throat, and I couldn’t get out any more words.
Carrie twirled a pen in her fingers like a tiny baton. “Jared was asking me when you’re coming back. I covered and said it was a huge family emergency and there was no internet access where you were. I’ve been dodging him the last couple days so he can’t keep asking.”
I exhaled slowly. “I don’t think he’ll be asking you anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
I wasn’t sure how to break it to her. In many ways, I felt like I was abandoning her. We’d been in the trenches together since we started as summer associates all those years ago and had been inseparable since.
“Jared and I spoke yesterday. I’m not coming back.”
Carrie’s jaw fell slack. “Ever? Did that asshole fire you over this? There are laws to prevent this type—”
“He didn’t fire me,” I said. “I quit. Yesterday was my niece’s funeral, and I was sitting in a room full of grieving people, and this guy caught me checking emails on my phone. I was thinking about a brief and hoping I could write it as soon as everyone left. The look on his face said it all. I don’t want to be that person anymore.”
“Niece’s funeral?” Carrie said softly, putting the pen down. “So that means . . .”
I nodded. “They lost the baby. That’s why I haven’t been able to reach out sooner. Between being at the hospital and then making arrangements, there hasn’t been a moment of privacy.”