“But Neel and Dipti are okay?”
Again, I nodded. “Thankfully.” I cocked my head. “Well, physically anyway. It’s been awful watching them go through this and seeing what it is doing to them.” I filled her in on the events since I had arrived, including Neel’s choice to save Dipti and her reaction after the fact. Carrie leaned forward, rapt with attention, and let out a low whistle afterward.
“I don’t know how a person emotionally recovers from something like this. It makes everything I’ve been worried about for the past few months seem insignificant,” I said.
Carrie nodded. “Agreed, but doesn’t quitting seem a little extreme? You’re going to need a job when you get back, and this one isn’t perfect, but at least it pays the bills.”
“My cousin’s wedding starts in a few days and will last a week, so I’m staying through that. He asked me to be the family photographer for the ceremonies leading up to the day, so I kind of have to.” I paused for a moment and fiddled with the lens cap on my camera, excited to be using it again and hoping I wouldn’t let Hari down. “I’ll head back after that. After all, I need to dust off my résumé and find a job!”
“Look, it’s fine if you want to leave the firm. Let’s be honest—we all do. But you’re not going to prove anything to anyone by taking the moral high ground. People like Jared are so stuck on themselves that they won’t even notice you did that. And you know better than anyone that it’s easier to find a job with a job. Unless you somehow inherited a trust fund that will outlive you . . . this just seems totally unlike you.”
“Of course I don’t have a trust fund,” I said, thinking of the savings I had spent the last four years building. It was enough to live on for six months but not for a lifetime, which was the same concern I’d had when Alex wanted me to move to New York with him. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I should call Jared back. Even if I’d hit glass ceilings, I’d get paid while doing it.
I took a deep breath. “I’ll figure it out before I run out of money . . .”
Suddenly, Carrie’s expression changed, and her face lit up as if she had solved a puzzle. “This isn’t about money! You really think this is how you’re going to win him back, don’t you?”
She’d been my best friend for years and could probably predict my actions better than I could. Other than Neel, she probably knew me better than anyone else. I’d be lying if I said that I hadn’t wondered if pursuing passion instead of paychecks would lead Alex back into my life. Prove to him that I could give him what he’d wanted. Our conversation at the airport had made me miss him terribly, and with all the heightened emotion of the past few days, I found myself craving the closeness he and I had once had.
“That’s not why I’m doing this,” I said boldly, my voice not revealing that I wondered if she was right.
“I know you’ve been through a lot in a short period of time, but it is crazy to be making such life-altering decisions in this state.” She threw up her hands. “It just seems like you’re running away.”
“I’m not running away,” I said.
I couldn’t understand why she was so bothered. For years, we’d fantasized about what we would do if our hefty loans didn’t require us to practice law. Open a patisserie, become a diplomat, figure out if we had what it took to write a novel. The possibilities seemed endless. It was one of our favorite pastimes while working late at the office, yet now that I was actually stepping away from big-firm life, she could not muster even a modicum of support.
Even with an entire hemisphere separating us, it still felt like she was in the room sitting across from me. We both stared at each other on the screen, unsure of what to say next.
Finally, she said, “Just make sure you think about this. I’m certain whatever you said to Jared can still be undone. Narcissists love a good crawl back. But the longer you wait, the harder it will be.”
“I’ll think about it.”
And I would. Leaving my job was the opposite of being practical, which was what I’d done for my entire life. A conservative financial nature was one of the few attributes in life that my parents and I shared. “Save for a rainy day,” they’d always said. And up until now, I had acted accordingly, believing that was the right way. Hearing Carrie’s reaction made me further doubt myself. I hadn’t been willing to make this decision a few months ago when my heart was also on the line, so what was different now?