‘Careful how you finish that sentence,’ she’d said, not minding in the least.
‘Well, she just looks kind of cool,’ he’d said, with a shrug.
In the afternoon they’d taken the obligatory trip to the lake, where Ty had waded in up to his waist and swum lengths, his strong arms driving swathes of water out of his way as he’d raced along. She’d sat and watched – not keen on taking a dip herself – feeling proud of her son who had grown up more than she’d realised. Something about him being here had made everything seem doable, permanent. She’d imagined the holidays he might take; that he might choose to come here to revise in peace or decompress after a difficult term.
‘So,’ she said now. ‘You don’t think I’m completely mad to have moved here.’
He stiffened slightly and she wished she could grab the question back and reframe it. It sounded as if she was asking him to take sides, to tell her she’d done the right thing in leaving Ben behind. But it wasn’t like that at all.
‘I just mean,’ she added hurriedly, ‘that it’s not such a bad place, huh?’
‘No,’ he said. ‘It’s actually all right.’
Praise indeed.
They sat in silence for a few more minutes, her looking out over the view, him scrolling on his phone. Then she got up. ‘Just going to make a call,’ she said. He nodded, and she made her way into the house, and took her phone up to her bedroom to make sure she wasn’t overheard.
Emily answered after a few rings. ‘Hi, Lily, how’s life en France?’
‘Surprising.’
‘Oh, do tell?’
So she told Em about Ty’s visit, and how he’d seen her come back from her night out looking dishevelled and holding a pair of shoes.
‘Talk about bad timing!’ Emily said. ‘But it must be nice to have him there.’
‘It really is,’ Lily said. ‘I mean, I don’t feel so… lonely now. I’m OK living on my own, but I’ve missed him so much. I didn’t realise how much until I saw him.’
‘Must be difficult knowing you’re so far away from him?’
‘Well, kind of. But then he’s off to uni in a few weeks – I probably wouldn’t have seen him much anyway if I’d stayed.’
‘So,’ said Emily, ‘why do you think he surprised you? Why not just book a trip and tell you to pick him up from the airport?’
‘I’m not sure. I think maybe because he came to talk about Ben.’
‘Oh?’
‘Yeah. Apparently, Ben’s anxiety has flared up again.’
‘Oh shit.’
‘Yeah, poor guy. And I do feel sorry for him. I want to help. But I kind of feel a bit angry too, because he must have known that Ty was going to mention it to me. And I can’t help but think he might be trying to work the situation in his favour.’
‘Really?’ Emily sounded incredulous.
‘Well, yeah. It just seems… well, Ty seemed to think I’d come running home once I knew.’
‘Oh bless him… But I doubt Ben was thinking that way.’
‘You don’t think?’
‘Well, no. I don’t know how Ben is when he’s feeling low, but you know I’ve had my moments over the years…’
‘Uh huh,’ Lily nodded. When Emily had had a series of miscarriages in her thirties, she’d experienced such a slump in mood that she’d barely been able to get out of bed. It had taken six months and antidepressants to get her back on her feet.
‘Well, I can tell you from my perspective, that when I was down, all my energy was focused on just trying to cope. Just trying to get through the day. I didn’t have the energy or willpower, or even presence of mind, to really try to manipulate anyone.’
‘True…’ Lily thought back to Ben’s last episode over a decade ago. He’d managed to keep working, but really struggled just to keep himself on track. Perhaps she’d judged him too harshly. ‘You’re probably right,’ she said.
‘Darling, I am always right,’ said Emily, sounding more like her usual self. ‘So what are you going to do?’
‘Well, I’ll call him, or try to at least. And maybe if I think he needs me to, I’ll ring Baz or his mum or something. Make sure someone’s keeping an eye.’
‘Do you want me to pop over and see him?’
‘Oh.’ Lily hadn’t thought of that. ‘Well, actually yes. If you don’t mind?’