I reached over, clasping his shoulder. “We are not brothers of the same blood. We are not friends due to some bond,” I told him, and his gaze met mine. “We are not loyal to each other because of courtesy or tradition or title. We have always been above all that. And, in a lot of ways, we’re two halves of the same whole. Different than Poppy and me, but not that much different. You know that.”
Kieran closed his eyes.
“Poppy and I have spoken about it.”
“I figured that’s what you were off doing.” He paused. “Well, one of the things I figured you two were off doing.”
I grinned as I watched him. “When it comes to the Joining, it’s not because we feel as if we need to. It’s because we want to,” I told him. “It’s for you as much as it will be for us.”
Kieran swallowed again. “I just wanted you to know—wanted her to know—that I don’t expect it.”
“We both know that.”
He cleared his throat. “So, you did talk about it?”
“We did.” I squeezed his shoulder. “And you know what our answer is—what she decided.”
“I do.” Kieran’s eyes opened. “And how do you feel about that?”
“You know how I feel about it.”
A grin appeared. “Intrigued?”
“I’m always in a state of constant intrigue when it comes to her,” I admitted.
“Yeah,” he breathed, looking down at her. “I bet she had so many questions.”
I grinned. “All valid ones you probably secretly wished she’d asked you so you could feel useful.”
Kieran laughed under his breath. “Yeah, I do.”
“I wanted her to take the time to make sure this is what she wants,” I told him, and he nodded. “If she still wants to do the Joining, we’ll do it when we return from the Blood Forest.”
“That’s good. I want her to be sure.”
His gaze flicked to me. “Go talk to your brother. She’ll be fine with me.”
“I know.” Giving his shoulder one last squeeze, I rose and left. When I looked back, Kieran had taken my place beside her, watchful and alert, and that warmed my chest.
I made my way across the small clearing. Malik showed no awareness of my approach, but he was aware. All those ugly emotions crowded my chest as I knelt in front of him. I said nothing. Neither did he for several moments. When he did speak, I fucking wished he hadn’t.
“You hate me.”
Jaw clenching, I twisted my neck from side to side. Did I? Yes. No.
“Wouldn’t blame you if you did.” He stretched out a leg. “I know you looked for me this whole time. I heard what the Descenters called you. The Dark One—”
“Except you were the only Dark One that ever mattered.”
His shoulders tensed as he continued. “I didn’t want you to look for me. I wanted you to give up on it. Prayed that you did. And I kept thinking you would hear about me—about a man called Elian, who was often seen at Wayfair. That you would know, would assume, that I’d betrayed you and would give up. You didn’t. Should’ve known better. You were always a stubborn brat—”
“I don’t give a fuck about any of that. You don’t even want to know what I would do for Poppy, so I get it. You did it for your heartmate.” The moment the words were spoken, I breathed how godsdamn true they were. “It’s what I did to Poppy to free you. I lied to her. Betrayed her. And, yeah, that’s on me. Something I’ve got to work out. But it’s also what you did to her that I cannot fathom, no matter what you believed she would do as an adult. She was a child. And you—who abhorred violence of any kind—never would’ve even considered harming a child.”
Malik said nothing.
That ugly fist of emotion clenched tighter. “It doesn’t matter that you weren’t able to follow through on it. She got hurt because of you, Malik. Bad.”
“I know,” he said in a ragged way as if it hurt him to admit it. I wanted to hurt him for even acknowledging it.
“Do you? Do you know the scars that none can see? How they run so damn deep in her? Your actions tormented her for years.” I lowered myself onto one knee, planting a hand in the cool grass to stop myself from planting it in his face. “You left her there to die.”
Malik’s head lifted then. Identical eyes met mine. “I didn’t. She tried to tell you that back in Stonehill. How do you think she survived that night? Primal god or not, she hadn’t entered her Culling yet.” He leaned forward as far as the chain would allow. “You know that means she would’ve died if left there. None of the others who survived the night would’ve been able to get her out of there. I did. I took her back to Carsodonia, and that fucking—” A tremor coursed through him, and his laugh was low. Harsh. “I didn’t leave her there.”