I appreciated the thoughtfulness behind making sure that I didn’t change my mind. This was a big deal, and there was also the chance that if we did the Joining, it wouldn’t protect Kieran against the Primal curse. Even knowing that, the chance that it would was more important. The Joining could also protect Kieran and Casteel in the battles to come.
It also meant never having to say goodbye to either of them.
But it was also more than all that. It was also the knowledge that if Kieran ever had to honor the promise he’d made to me, and I misjudged what Casteel would do, he wouldn’t be able to truly harm Kieran. Both would remain safe if I were entombed.
Meeting Casteel’s gaze, I drew in a deep breath. “I will take the time, but I know my answer won’t change. I want to do the Joining.”
Chapter 38
Casteel
I sat quietly beside Poppy as she slept under the walnut tree, having fallen asleep mere moments after placing her cheek on my rolled cloak. I didn’t want to disturb her, but I also couldn’t stop myself from touching her. It was as if I were under some sort of compulsion. I’d readjusted the cloak draped over her half a dozen times. I’d toyed with her hair, smoothing the wispy strands that had fallen on her cheek, and then waited hopefully for the breeze to undo my work so I had a good reason for touching her again.
It was all ridiculous. Perhaps even a bit obsessive, but the contact was grounding, especially in the dark and quiet. My hand shook slightly as I pulled the cloak up to her shoulder. The contact stopped the looming and panicked fear that drove my mind back to that cell.
Dragging my gaze from her, I looked over to where Malik was chained to one of the trees. His chin was down against his chest, but I knew he was awake.
And I was willing to bet that he was plotting his escape.
I didn’t know what to think when it came to Malik, but one thing was clear. He wasn’t loyal to Isbeth. It wasn’t the Blood Queen he sought to return to.
It was his heartmate.
Still, I didn’t think I could ever forgive him.
I wasn’t even sure I could forgive my parents for their lies.
Kieran drifted out of the night, coming to my side. He crouched beside me, his voice low. “I’ll watch over her.”
The fist of emotion clenched. “I don’t know if I want to speak to him.”
Kieran eyed Malik, his jaw tense. “You don’t want to, but you need to, and you should.”
“Was that supposed to be wise advice?”
“Someone has to impart wisdom around here.”
I smirked, letting my hand fall from my mouth. “Hopefully, we find a person to take on that role.”
Kieran chuckled quietly as he glanced at Poppy. “You know, she never slept like this when you were gone. She hardly slept at all. And when she did, there wer almost always nightmares. I think that’s why she sleeps so deeply now. Her body is trying to make up for the loss.”
I closed my eyes.
Hearing all of that… Fuck, it was a kick to the heart. I reached over, my fingers grazing her cheek just so I could feel her. “If I could take back any pain she suffered, I would.”
“But you wouldn’t change a thing you did.”
“No.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “What Reaver said earlier…”
I turned my head to him, a faint sliver of moonlight cutting across his cheek and one eye. “The Joining?”
Kieran nodded. “Reaver wasn’t even sure if it would block a Primal curse.”
“It could, though.”
A long moment passed as he stared down at Poppy. “I don’t want either of you to feel like you have to do that for me. We’ll find Malec, and then we’ll kill that bitch.”
I studied him. The line of his jaw was hard. Set. Determined. I’d seen that expression a thousand times. Like when we left for Solis to find the Maiden. He hadn’t been on board with the idea, but he’d stood beside me the entire time. As resolved then as he was when I’d ordered him to remain in Atlantia while I went on my idiotic quest to kill the Blood Queen and King all those years ago. I knew the slight rise of his lips meant that he was reluctantly amused, something I’d seen a lot of when he was first around Poppy. I knew what he looked like when he was furious and when he’d been ripped apart by grief. I’d seen him go utterly cold. Empty. I knew his face well enough to know when he looked upon someone he cared deeply about. Those fine, barely noticeable lines of tension around his mouth disappeared. Kieran softened. He’d done that when he looked at Elashya—whenever he spoke of her. He softened in almost the same way now when he looked upon Poppy.