I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. Especially since there was nothing I could do about his betrayal.
It would have been the equivalent of punching a brick wall.
The only one who gets hurt is you.
The smoke from the lit cigarette hanging out of his mouth wafts through the air and his gaze turns inward, as if getting lost in his thoughts.
“It was snowing like crazy by the time I reached the campus, and I froze my nuts off searching for you. I was beginning to think I wasted my time and debated leaving when I saw you come out the door leading to the courtyard.” A faint smile spreads across his lips. “You were wearing this big puffy coat, a purple hat with a fuzzy ball on it, and earmuffs. Your nose and cheeks were red from the cold. You looked so fucking cute I had to stop and catch my breath.”
He stubs his cigarette out in his cup. “You kept walking, though, and I didn’t want to lose sight of you, so I did too. I called your name as I got closer…and you stopped. It took me a couple seconds to register that it wasn’t because you heard me. It was because of the guy handing you a cup of hot chocolate.”
Harry.
I remember that day. There was an impending snowstorm—which was normal for winters in New Hampshire—and I was meeting my boyfriend during the twenty-minute break I had between classes.
The earmuffs I had on were a Christmas present from my dad. They had an option to connect to your phone so you could listen to music.
It’s why I didn’t hear him call my name.
Even though I felt him.
Phoenix’s gaze locks with mine. “He bent down to kiss you, and after, you smiled at him.” Emotions flicker across his face. “It was the same smile you used to give me…and that’s the moment I knew.”
“Knew what?”
His low, rough voice wraps around me like a thread, pulling tight. “The reason you never came to see me wasn’t because you were too nervous or upset to confront me. It was because you were happy…and I had lost you for good.”
A knot forms in my chest and my eyes sting with tears I won’t ever let him see.
But I will give him this.
“I did come to see you once.”
He looks just as surprised by my admission as I was his. “When?”
“During your first tour. You were playing a few towns over from my school and I decided to buy a ticket to the show last minute.” A lump fills my throat and I swallow it down before I continue. “I wanted to experience what it would be like to have a venue full of two-thousand people listen to my song.”
Even though it wasn’t me who was singing it.
His chest rises and falls with quick, uneven inhales, and his expression shatters.
He looks like he’s drowning…
But I’m the one he tossed overboard without a life preserver.
“Why?”
It’s the question I’ve asked myself every day for the past four years.
He bows his head, like he can’t bear to look at me.
He’s quiet for so long, I’m positive he’s not going to give me an answer.
But then his deep, tortured timbre fills the space between us. “Words have always been my biggest obstacle. No matter how many instruments I teach myself to play, or how good I can sing and perform…I’ve never been able to do the one thing an artist is supposed to.”
Lifting his head, his gaze collides with mine. “Create. The only thing I can do is take their art and replicate it—maybe modify a few notes and change it up a bit. But even if I make it sound ten times better than the original and put everything I’ve got into it when I sing, it still doesn’t make it mine. I was born with a great voice and an inherent love of music…not a gift.”
Rising off the bed, he closes the distance between us. “The industry is cutthroat and the odds of ever getting discovered are one in a million. At least.” His features twist with indignity. “I had the voice, the looks, and the drive to chase my dreams…but it wasn’t a guarantee that I’d ever succeed. I needed something original. Something rare and unique.” His fingers graze my cheek. “Something special.”
A swell of agony rips from my soul, engulfing me in a violent wave that makes everything around me spin.
All I’ve ever wanted was to be special…
And he stole it.
I shove him with every bit of strength I possess. “Get out.”
He tries to wrap his arms around me, but I won’t let him.
I need him gone.
Phoenix was already all those things he said he needed and then some, he didn’t have to take the only thing I had.