“Jesus,” he says, quickly coming to my rescue and attempting to help me up, but I ignore his help and stand on my own. “Are you okay?”
“Fine,” I answer. My cheeks are flaming as I adjust the top of my dress. “I’m fine.” I then muster up a yawn. “I’m actually just going to go to bed. Pretty late night.”
“Penny, let’s talk about this.”
To my absolute horror, a tear slips down my cheek, and I quickly swipe it away. “I’d really rather not.”
“I don’t want you to be upset.”
Too late for that.
“I’m really fine. Okay. Just . . . just let me do my thing.”
His eyes are full of compassion. “I don’t want to mess anything up.”
Too late.
“It’s fine, Eli. Okay. I’m just going to change. Do what you want to do. You know if you want to go out with the boys or something.”
“You know I don’t want to do that.”
“Well then, just do something,” I say, moving down the hallway. “Good night.”
When I reach my bedroom, I shut the door behind me, then quickly grab my phone on the nightstand and take it into the closet, where I collapse to the floor, tears streaming down my cheeks.
I don’t think I’ve ever been more embarrassed in my life.
He doesn’t want me.
He doesn’t want me at all.
I call Blakely and bite my lower lip while I wait for her to pick up, tears continuously flowing down my cheeks.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” I say, my voice choked up.
“Penny, what’s wrong?”
“I . . . I kissed him, and he told me to stop.”
“What?” she says in outrage. “Wait, where are you?”
“In my closet, hiding from him.”
“Okay, I’m actually right around the corner. Want to meet me at the coffee shop?”
“Be there in five.”
By the time I arrive, Blakely is sitting at a table with two drinks and a cookie. When she spots me, she immediately stands and pulls me into a hug.
I welcome her embrace and cry into her shoulder, thankful for her friendship.
When I hung up, I quickly changed out of my dress and into a pair of sweats and a long-sleeved T-shirt. I threw my hair up in a bun and then took off. Told Eli on my way out that I’d be back. He’s texted me five times since I left. I haven’t answered them.
When Blakely releases me, we both take a seat, and she hands me a drink. “Chai latte.”
“Thank you.” I grip the warm drink between both of my hands.
“So what the hell happened?”
Great question. Still trying to figure that all out.
“It was a good night.” I recount how the dinner went with my parents and everything my mom said, confirming exactly what Blakely said about Eli. “And I don’t know, we were holding hands. He wet his lips. I wet mine. I couldn’t think of a more proper time to kiss him, so I did. And then he pulled away and said he can’t.”
“He can’t?” Blakely asks with a raise of her brow. “Hold on. He can’t, or he doesn’t want to?”
“He can’t. Blakely, it was so humiliating. I put myself out there, and he turned me down. I really . . .” More tears. “I really thought he wanted me.”
“Wait, hold on.” She presses her hand to mine. “Penny, he said he can’t. Do you understand the difference between can’t and doesn’t want to?”
“It’s kind of hard to understand anything at this point,” I say.
“Let me ask you this, did he kiss you back?”
“No—” I pause and give it some thought. “Well, actually, yeah, I guess he did. There was a moment when he kissed me and gripped me tighter. We actually kissed deeper for a second, and then he pulled away.”
“So he did kiss you back, which means something is holding him back from moving forward with you.”
I press my fingers to the bridge of my nose. “Or maybe, he just wants to be friends like he’s said this entire time. Between you and my mom, I falsely believed that this guy actually wants me. He probably just wants some peace in reality.”
Blakely shakes her head. “No, something’s holding him back. From seeing how he dotes on you, how he had his hand up your shirt, and now to this kiss. He wants you, Penny. But there is a roadblock, and you just need to move it.”
I let out a large sigh. “I’m tired, Blakely. I’m a vulnerable mess right now. I don’t want to play a guessing game about what he’s possibly thinking. All I want is a man to want me, to comfort me, to hold me, and to want to have sex with me. Eli is not the man. He made that quite clear tonight.”