I can’t hurt anyone else.
“I can always reschedule. Those mountains aren’t fucking moving, Lo.”
I put my hands on my head again. He’s wanted to free-solo climb these rock formations in California for months, maybe even longer than that. “I will feel like shit if you don’t go,” I say. “And I’ll drink. I can promise you that.”
He just glares.
Why doesn’t he get it? Leave me. “I don’t need you,” I sneer. It’s a complete and utter lie. But I can’t hold onto him like a life vest. I have to let my brother have a fucking life without me in it. “I don’t fucking need you to hold my hand. I need you to be goddamn selfish like me for once in your life so I don’t feel like utter shit compared to you, alright?”
He stares at me for a long moment, with this rock hard expression that turns darker by the minute. Please.
Give up on me. Just this once. And then he says, “Okay, I’ll go.”
I exhale, a pressure actually lifting off me. I didn’t realize I’d been carrying around that guilt for so long.
Ryke wraps his arm around my shoulder and says, “Maybe one day you’ll be able to outrun me.”
Yeah. Maybe one day.
{ 49 }
2 years : 01 month
September
LILY CALLOWAY
“What’d I do?” I ask, my shoulders curving forward. Rose dragged me into the downstairs bathroom like she was plowing through bulky Spartan warriors. Whereas I’d most likely turn beet-red and surrender to their swords, Rose just knocked them all down, a woman on a mission. No man can stop her. Not even three-hundred of them.
“This isn’t about you,” Rose says, fixing her hair into a sleek pony.
I frown. “Are you preparing to unplug a toilet?”
She gives me a look.
“What? You’re fixing your hair. That’s all I have to go on.” She’s not providing me with any information.
Right when she opens her mouth, someone knocks on the door. “What are you two doing in there together?” Lo asks, suspicion in his voice. This is very suspicious, I’ll admit. Joint bathroom sessions only happen when there are multiple stalls. Unless, you know, sex. But that can’t be one of his thoughts. Because, incest.
Uh. I redden instantly. I need some bleach for my mind.
I picture Lo leaning against the wall, arms crossed, and I almost invite him inside. But Rose smashes her palm against my lips and gives me humongous crazy eyes.
It both scares me and propels me to my sister’s side of things. Her yellow-green eyes are very convincing. Plus, even though she has a flair for the dramatics, this seems serious.
Rose drops her hand, trusting me to stay quiet, and then she cracks the door and sticks her head out. “Two words, Loren: Female menstruation.” She slams the door right in his face.
“Great,” he calls back with irritation. “I’d say talk to me again when you’re done PMSing, but you’re always a bitch.” I wince at that comeback. He’s been a lot meaner since he relapsed, but that also comes with an even bigger portion of guilt. I imagine his face twisting with it, and it hurts my stomach even more.
His footsteps sound on the floorboards, drifting off.
“Female menstruation?” I ask with the rise of my brows. “What’s this about, Rose?”
She passes me with fire in her eyes and crouches to the cabinets beneath the sink. Her silence makes me nervous.
I almost bite my fingernails, but I drop my hand quickly. “Should I go get Daisy?” I ask. “If this is like a sister thing, we should include her, right?” I feel badly leaving her alone with the guys, especially since we’re all together to celebrate her trip to Paris. In a few days she’ll be off to Fashion Week, her first time attending without our mom. It’s a big deal for her, and Rose likes any reason to throw a party, even if only close friends attend.
Rose rises to her feet, brandishing a box of tampons.
I squint. “So this is about your period?” I feel like there’s a mystery here. One that I am not programmed to solve.
“No,” she says like I’m an idiot. I don’t see how I could be the stupid one. She pops open the flaps and takes out a familiar looking stick.
My rushed thought spills out of my mouth. “Who mixed up a pregnancy test with tampons?”
Rose purses her lips. “I put the test in here,” she says flatly.
Oh.
Ohhhhhh. My eyes widen in alarm, never believing or registering that this could actually happen: Rose pinching a pregnancy test between two fingers. “You’re not…”