I find it difficult to ignore her voice while I discuss the logistics of the car and any last-minute tune-ups. She tours the place and introduces members of the team, a sweet gesture to show off the men and women who are essential to Bandini. Her voice raves about how the crew keeps everything up and running, even introducing them by name, proof of her connection to the team. She has this way of charming people. Unlike me, who has a way of fucking up with people.
I try to hide my shock when she walks up to my car.
“Here we have Slade’s team.”
I see we are back to last names now.
She does a spin to get everyone in the camera shot. “They’re busy doing last-minute checks on his car. He has a big task of catching up to Santiago, Liam, and Jax since he starts in P14 today. It’s his worst start since he began racing in F1. Better luck next time.”
Thanks, Maya. I take it because I deserve it and more.
I wave at the camera as she pans over my car. Her fruity shampoo hits my senses, instantly bringing me back to the other night. Her lips on mine, the sounds she made when I touched her, when I grinded into her. My dick twitches in my race suit. Great.
She moves on to interview one of the head engineers. He subtly checks out Maya’s chest in between questions, and it takes everything in me not to push him away.
Concentrate on your car. You’re about to go race and you don’t have time to worry about her.
I decide to ignore Maya for the rest of the prep. No need for any more distractions, least of all from her since she decided she doesn’t want anything casual. She rejected me. Her loss.
I lose the race big time. But I worked my ass off to get out of fourteenth position, and considering where I started, I’m happy with placing eighth. Santi and I even get points for the Constructors.
I head to my suite, not wanting to check out the podium celebrations today despite being glad for Jax and Liam. Santiago, too, I guess. But it was a good day for McCoy, which means a bad one for Bandini.
Maya sits out on the empty balcony of the hospitality area, lying across a couch, cellphone in hand. I like to head up here when I have a bad day, but it looks like she beat me to it.
“Was she worth it?” She baits me, not glancing up from her cellphone screen. My irritability grows with every second she refuses to look at me.
“Who?” I play stupid because I don’t want to deal with this shit anymore. We aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend.
“The floozie from last night.”
My lips twitch up at her word choice. “Oh, her.” That gets her to look up at me. I don’t like her stormy gaze, the way she comes off indifferent to a situation that bothers the fuck out of her. I’d rather have her mad at me than feel nothing at all.
I meant it when I said I’m a selfish bastard.
“Yup.” Her lips pop on the last letter.
“She was a decent lay.” I shrug, coming off uncaring, even though my throat feels like I swallowed glass. It feels wrong to lie like this, my words hurting her because I take my anger on myself out on her.
“Mm. Wonder how much alcohol you had to drink to wipe the taste of me from your mouth. Doubt the girl minded, though. Desperation always trumps common sense.”
Fuck. She has me there. I’m stunned stupid, unable to get any words out.
“They’ll never be as good as what we could have. But this is why people like you never have happily-ever-afters. You’re so jaded, you can’t see the best things until it’s too late.”
She gets up, not bothering to give me one last look as she leaves the balcony.
My stomach drops at not being worth a backward glance.
21
Maya
I avoid everything Noah-related for weeks. Anytime I find him in the Bandini suites, I walk the other way. Things sit heavy between us. And not in the “hot and heavy” kind of way, much more like the “my heart hurts whenever I see him” kind of way.
How I feel about him is messy. It doesn’t fit nicely into checked boxes or a pros and cons list. I struggle to understand my conflicting emotions, which ends up pissing me off more. Part of me wishes he could commit to trying a real relationship while another part of me thinks he’s not even worth the trouble.
He should have waited at least a day before hooking up with someone else. It’s basically common courtesy.
How do you fuck another woman right after you go on a date with someone else? It’s cold and disgusting. I honestly didn’t expect that from him.
Every time I run into Noah, I feign indifference, choosing to ignore the way my heart beats faster around him. Or how my body heats when his eyes roam over me, or the hint of sadness that crosses his face when I ignore him.