揜ita, oh God. Rita.?They deflated onto the desk, every inch of their bodies molded together in an arch to accommodate the bent-over position. Jasper burrowed his face into the curve of her neck, positive he would never breathe normally again. Or eat or sleep or talk normally. Ever again. An intense urgency still existed inside him, despite his body抯 utterly sated state. It had something to do with her choppy breathing, his weight pressing her down. Was she comfortable? Had he been too rough? What happened now? She probably needed something from him, and he had no experience making a woman feel cared for after sex. They usually just took care of themselves, but he couldn抰 allow that to be the case with Rita. God, he was desperate for the chance to care for her.
Jasper opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when he noticed her knuckles were still white where they gripped the desk. Which led to a whole slew of noticing. Tension crept back into her body beneath him, her breath slowing and eventually stopping altogether. Distance yawned between them, two sides of fertile earth cracking apart with the force of an earthquake. It was like watching his own personal nightmare play out on a movie screen.
揜ita,?he tried, hoarsely. 揟ell me what抯 wrong.?
Her fingers straightened, flexed, her flattened palms sliding back toward her sides. 揥hat could be wrong??The sound of her clearing her throat was gentle, guarded. 揟hat was厀ow. The best I抳e ever had.?
A hardball hit him square in the stomach. 揋ood to know.?
揧eah.?Rita pushed upward, forcing Jasper to lift off of her, easing from the heat of her body and stepping back to watch her with caution.
She was a goddamn sight, flushed from their rigorous session, the fading sheen of sweat making her fresh and dewy. But all Jasper could see was the way her hand lifted, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. The polite, impersonal, How-soon-can-I-leave smile she cast in his direction. And he might have just slipped right into uncharted territory in Pissed-Off Land. The shame, the anger, the denial over acting the available stud梚t accumulated, starting in his fingertips, encompassing his entire being in a matter of seconds. Zero to one hundred and fifty.
Best she抎 ever had. Nothing about him as a man. Only his skill. Worse, Rita might have initiated the impersonal romp, but instead of correcting the balance between them, he抎 followed through and proven himself the good fuck with no strings attached everyone knew him to be. Maybe they抎 been right all along.
揋o,?he managed to say, pushing the single syllable through stiff lips, replacing his cock inside his jeans with brisk movements.
Rita paused in the act of buttoning her shorts. 揥hat??
揋o.?Self-preservation was a powerful thing, it turned out. More powerful than the voice shouting at him to hold her, to not allow her to leave. Because that was exactly what Rita was preparing to do. Fuck him and run. Just like the rest of them, only this time he wouldn抰 remain standing so easily. He could not梬ould not梑eg and watch her leave anyway. It would kill him. So he would do the opposite. Maybe it would be the difference between folding and staying upright. 揋o on. You got what was coming to you. Sorry I made you wait a couple days.?Making sure to look her square in the eye so she could see how she抎 fucking wrecked him, Jasper strode to the door and threw it open. 揋et out.?
Rita flinched like she抎 been slapped, but somehow Jasper still sensed a lack of surprise over his reaction as she hurried through fixing her askew bra, tugging the shirt over her head. When her arm went through the head hole and she was forced to try again, a sob wrenched from her mouth, fingers tangling in their haste to correct the garment. Without thinking, Jasper lunged toward Rita a giant step, reaching out to assist her, but she was already past him.
揑 didn抰卼his wasn抰 me. Or-or you,?Rita said at the door, turning slightly, fist pressed to her mouth. 揝omeday someone will stay afterward. I promise.?
Jasper swore he could hear every single footstep she took from his bar to the motel. Counted them off like they were the remaining seconds of a game where his life was at stake. And when the buzzer went off, he抎 lost.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Rita was well acquainted with walks of shame. And she didn抰 consider taking public transportation home from a man抯 house梚n last night抯 clothes梥hameful. No, this half-jog down the dusty main drag through Hurley was the epitome of shame. Passersby slowed in their cars?some even rolling down their windows to inquire if she needed assistance, to which she could only manage a tight head shake. With each step, her feet slid up and back on the soles of her boots, almost as if she抎 shrunk with the overpowering self-disgust. Up ahead, the car-repair garage grew larger, and that抯 where she headed, desperate for the Suburban to be ready so they could get the hell out of Dodge.
I am pond scum.
Jasper抯 hoarse command for her to leave replayed over and over, making her trip on the sidewalk. God. What had she done? Maybe if the cooking demonstration hadn抰 been so damn long, if she抎 just found a way to stop the smoke and memories from crowding out logic, she wouldn抰 have behaved like such a fantastic tool. But the simple act of cooking again had been too big a reminder of everything she抎 left behind. Everything had been too big, too encroaching, and eventually the need to sever ties with the whole situation梚ncluding Jasper梙ad taken hold. How dare he foist the past on her when he didn抰 understand it? No one did. With that sentiment ringing in her mind, she抎 used the only weapon she had against him. Sex. Leaving. Treating their assignation in the office like any other depersonalized, no-strings encounter.
Sex with Jasper had been the furthest thing from depersonalized, though, hadn抰 it? More like life-altering. Jasper talked a big game, and backed it up with something even better. Jasper Ellis was the god of sex. And梐nd梙e was way, way fucking more than that. He was everything underneath the sex. An understanding, funny, caring, insightful man who抎 only been attempting to break through to her.
Well, she抎 saved him the eventual disappointment, hadn抰 she?
Rita couldn抰 make anyone happy. Not Miriam, who had failed to impart her genius, despite Rita being the chosen one to follow in her footsteps. Not her siblings, who抎 seen no reason to connect or communicate with her post-funeral. Not her staff, her customers, the judges or contestants on the reality show. No one. And it would be no different with Jasper, except she wouldn抰 have her one-bedroom apartment to hide away in. She抎 be in a strange place with unfamiliar people. No way out but failure.
Rita stomped to a halt as a realization occurred like a blast of lightning. Somewhere in the further recesses of her mind, she must have considered the possibility of staying in Hurley. Otherwise, how could she deny the prospect now?
Serving to torture her further, the sound of Jasper抯 heavy breaths invaded her head, echoing and beautiful. The way he抎 gathered her close, like a coveted relic. She抎 seen a sliver of light, a tiny chance to correct her mistake before the betrayal took hold. I can fix this, she抎 thought. What if I stayed, tried making Jasper happy? But that same sliver of light had allowed Jasper to see right through her first. When he抎 told her to leave, she抎 almost been proud of him. It was nothing short of what she抎 deserved. He抎 worked all morning to do something nice for her梥he抎 repaid the man by treating him like garbage.
Rita looked up to see she抎 grown even with the garage. Both corrugated metal doors were shut, no activity on the other side of the Plexiglas windows. In the middle of the day? She jumped with a yelp when Aaron came striding around the corner of the building, an ice pack pressed to his swollen jaw. 揥e抮e being fucked with.?