“So let’s stay.” I made the decision without thinking. It seemed my default setting was giving Stella anything she wanted. I hoped no one ever discovered this weakness. It would be catastrophic for me and for her. Her eyes widened with delight before she shook her head. “We can’t. You have work, and you’ve already been gone for three days.” I had more than work. I
had a fucking mess that required immediate handling. The cold, rational part of me insisted I return to D.C. today as originally planned. Staying in Hawaii was the worst decision I could make, and I hadn’t built an empire by making bad decisions. But it was Stella’s first time in Hawaii, and despite her protest, I could see the glimmer of hope in her eyes. She really wanted to stay, and I would rather lose an empire than see her sad at my hands. Whispers of the secrets I’d kept and the lies I’d told crept up before I smashed them. “It’s the weekend,” I said.
“We’ll leave Monday. Two extra days won’t hurt.” Hopefully. Her face lit up. “Okay. I mean, if you insist.” My mouth curled into an indulgent smile as she rambled on about all the things she wanted to do. Last night, our kiss on the beach… I’d come to terms with my choice. I wouldn’t hold myself back from what I wanted anymore. And no matter how much I’d tried to deny it in the past, this was what I’ve wanted since I first saw her. Stella in my arms, happy and safe and mine. But as perfect as everything was with us now, I knew that if she ever found out the truth, she would hate me. Which was why she could never find out.
*
STELLA
Since we only had two days to explore Kauai, Christian and I packed as much into our itinerary as possible. Hiking, sunset sails, helicopter tours, visits to local museums and secluded beaches…we did it all. We woke up at sunrise and returned to our hotel past dinnertime, where we spent hours exploring each other as thoroughly as we did the island. Whether it was slow and soft or rough and hard, sex with Christian was as much an emotional release as it was a physical one. However, on our last day, we stuck with something more low-key since Christian had a board meeting and we had to fly out early in the morning. I didn’t know the low-key thing was since he’d planned it as a surprise, but I was intrigued. He’d taken control of our itinerary since he’d been to Kauai before, and he’d yet to steer me wrong. “Is this the surprise?” I eyed the Harley parked next to us as Christian fitted a helmet on me. “I never would’ve pegged you for a motorcycle kind of guy. It’s kind of sexy.” More than sexy. In a simple white T-shirt and jeans, he was devastating. It was more than the clothes, though. Two days of sun and relaxation had stripped away his carefully cultivated mask to reveal the playful, charming man underneath, and I wanted to hold on to him for as long as I could. “Kind of?” He notched a dark brow as he straddled the motorbike. The engine roared to life and sent a thrill through my blood.
“I can’t make a final determination until I see what your actual driving skills are like,” I said solemnly. “So yes, for now, it’s kind of.” “You’re talking about driving skills?” His brow rose higher. “Butterfly, you almost rear ended our guide yesterday.” I knew he wouldn’t let that go. “It wasn’t my fault,” I huffed. “He came out of nowhere!” Christian pressed his lips together, and it took me a second to realize he was suppressing laughter. “It’s not funny.” My cheeks flamed.
Maybe I wasn’t the best driver in the world, but I’d tried. “I felt bad about you driving us everywhere, so I offered…stop laughing.” “I would never laugh at you,” he said with a grin. “I will also never get in a car with you behind the wheel again.” “I take back what I said.” I climbed onto the back of the bike and wrapped my arms around his waist with a disgruntled frown.
“You’re not sexy at all.” “It’s okay.” His shoulders shook with laughter as we pulled away from our hotel. “I’m sure I can change your mind.” “I doubt it,” I muttered, but the wind swallowed my
words as we sped down the island’s tree-lined roads. It took us twenty minutes to reach our destination. It was a secluded beach on the North Shore, and even though it was almost sunset, it was empty save for the gorgeous picnic set up on the sand. Pillows, cushions, and blankets surrounded a low table draped in a silky white cloth. Tiny candles flickered next to a bottle of wine and a sumptuous dinner spread. I sucked in a sharp breath. “How did you…” “I had the hotel set something up.” Christian’s mouth curved. “Don’t worry. They’ll break everything down after we finish eating. Not a speck of litter will be left behind.” “It’s beautiful.” A strange lump formed in my throat. It was finally sinking in that this was our last night on the island. So much had happened since we’d arrived, and I’d tricked myself into thinking the fantasy could last forever. Hawaii was a dream, but it wasn’t something we could bring back with us. What would happen when we returned to D.C.? Would we return to the status quo? It was easy to act like a couple when it was just us in paradise, but we weren’t a couple. We’d never had that conversation, and sex didn’t necessarily mean anything in today’s day and age. Some people had sex with the same person for months and still didn’t consider the relationship exclusive.
Christian and I settled at the table. Dinner was objectively delicious, but I barely tasted it because I was too busy imagining what would happen once we got off the plane tomorrow.
Finally, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I hated breaking the spell, but if we didn’t have the conversation, the uncertainty would eat me alive all night. Are we dating? Is this a friends with benefits thing? Do you want to continue whatever “this” is in D.C.? I ran through all the ways I could bring up the topic, but I was too terrified of his answer to use any of my initial options.
Instead, I took the coward’s way out. “Thank you for the past few days. They were just what I needed.” I dug my toes into the cool sand and kept my eyes on the table. “We make a pretty good fake couple, don’t we?” The words burned like acid on their way out. “Fake couple with benefits,” I added, hoping to lighten the suddenly tense atmosphere. I snuck a peek at Christian.
His face looked like it was carved from granite, but his eyes burned dark and intimidating. “Fake couple?” His silken voice wrapped ice around my throat. A shiver rasped over my skin, but I forged on. “That was our agreement. A few kisses and sex don’t change anything.” I wasn’t naive enough to think that just because he slept with me, he wanted anything more than a good time. We’d given into something between us, but that didn’t mean I had any commitment from him. I’d seen too many people get their hearts broken because of such an assumption, and I refused to be one of them. “They don’t, do they?” Lower. More dangerous. “Then what, exactly, do those few kisses and sex mean to you?” Something told me I shouldn’t answer, but I did anyway. Self-preservation had never been my strong suit when it came to Christian. “A fantasy.