None of this is real.” I gestured at the beach. “It’s never been real. Hawaii is a dream, but it’s ending tomorrow, and I want to set the right expectations before we return to D.C. You said it yourself.” The lump in my throat grew. “You don’t believe in love.” Despite my aversion to relationships, I was a romantic at heart. When I found the right person, I wanted to get swept up in that grand, all-consuming love. The type of love that’d compelled Alex to move to another country for Ava, that gave Bridget and Rhys the courage to go against a country, and that transformed years of animosity between Josh and Jules into something beautiful. That type of love existed. I’d witnessed it with my own eyes. But it wasn’t something Christian believed in, and while I knew he wanted me, he didn’t want me enough to change such a deep-rooted belief.
Men like Christian Harper didn’t change for anyone. “Love has nothing to do with this.” His hard
reply proved my point. The bitter taste of disappointment welled on my tongue. “Exactly.”“You were the one who told me not to fall in love with you, Stella. Do you remember that?” Those dark eyes pierced mine. “Yes, and I meant it.” I resisted the urge to twist my necklace around my finger like I always did when I was nervous. It was my tell, and I bet Christian had already picked up on it. “I still do.” Because if Christian ever fell in love with me, I didn’t trust myself not to fall in love with him in return. And I had a feeling love with him wouldn’t be sweet or easy. It would be catastrophic.
“Things have gotten too complicated with me moving in, the stalker situation, and this trip,” I said when Christian remained silent. “The original rules of our arrangement are getting blurred.
Maybe we need to see other people so we don’t—” I didn’t get a chance to finish before his mouth covered mine and he kissed me with a soft, desperate viciousness that I felt from my head to my toes. “Tell me…” He curled a hand around the nape of my neck. “Does this feel fake to you?” No. That was the problem. It felt too real, as did the possibility that he could break my heart. “I want to make a few things clear.” Christian’s lips brushed mine with each word. “Touch another man, he dies. Let another man touch you, he dies. Tell me I can’t touch you…” His grip tightened on the back of my neck as his voice dropped. “And I will fucking die.” An ache grabbed hold of my heart and twisted. “Christian…”“Love is nothing but a word.” The intensity of his words stole the remaining breath from my lungs. “This isn’t about words. It’s about us. Do you think I would disrupt my schedule and fly to Hawaii in the middle of a work week for anyone else?” “It’s a nice destination,” I said weakly. “I thought it was obvious, but in case it isn’t, you’re mine, Stella.” His touch branded my skin with hot possessiveness. “I don’t want to see other women, and I sure as fuck don’t want you seeing other men.” Ice frosted the word men. “You belong with me. Exclusively. There is not a world or lifetime where that’s not true.” Emotion stung the backs of my eyes, but I managed to smile through the tightness in my chest.
“Christian Harper, are you asking me out?” “Yes.” Simple, unequivocal. Real. It seemed almost comical that someone like him would do something as mundane as ask a girl out, but that didn’t stop my stomach from fluttering or my mind from playing through the past two months. On paper, our relationship had been fake, but there was nothing fake about the way he’d taken care of me, supported me, and believed in me. Nor was there anything fake about the way I felt when I was with him, like I could be me and he’d want me anyway, flaws and all. “So…” Christian’s mouth grazed mine. “What do you say, Butterfly? Want to give this dating thing a real shot?” I shouldn’t. There were so many ways this could go wrong, but wasn’t that true of every risk people took? No risk, no reward. For once, I turned off the over-analytical part of my brain and went with what my heart told me to do. “Yes.” Simple. Unequivocal. Real. I felt his smile against my lips before he kissed me again. Softer this time, more tender. Tender wasn’t a word I’d thought I would ever associate with Christian, but he constantly took me by surprise. I melted into him and let his taste, touch, and the last few hours of our dream sweep me away to a place where my worries didn’t exist. I was used to being alone. Even when I was surrounded by people, a part of me isolated itself until I felt like I was watching a movie of my life instead of living it. I had never belonged to someone, nor had someone ever belonged to me. The idea was equal parts thrilling and terrifying. But what was even more terrifying was the realization that I didn’t mind belonging with Christian. Not even a little bit.
34
STELLA
Christian and I were officially dating. It felt strange, not only because it wasn’t something I’d ever thought would happen but also because to the outside world, nothing had changed. In their eyes, we’d been a couple this entire time. I’d posted my Hawaii photos after we returned to D.C., and our couple shots did great, as expected. I was still keeping up with my Instagram, though my attention was now split between that and my fashion line. The only people who knew our pre-Hawaii relationship hadn’t been real were Christian, myself, and my friends, who’d greeted my announcement with considerably less surprise than they had the previous bombshell. According to Jules, it’d been “inevitable” based on how we’d been eye fucking each other at her housewarming. Christian and I went on our first real date a week after we returned from Hawaii. We took each other to our favorite places in D.C.—the U.S. Botanic Garden for me, Eastern Market for him. Correction: a specific vendor at Eastern Market for him. “Mr. C!”
The vendor’s face creased with a gummy smile when he saw Christian. “Good to see you again!
And with a lovely lady by your side, too.” He winked at me. “What are you doing with an ogre like him?” He jerked his thumb at Christian, who shook his head. “Beauty isn’t everything.” I patted Christian’s hand. “He has other great qualities.” The vendor laughed while my new boyfriend sighed with exasperation, though a glint of humor surfaced in his eyes. “Stella, meet Donnie. Wannabe comedian and woodworker extraordinaire.” He tapped a puzzle on the table.
“This is the only reason I put up with your old ass.” “My old ass has more wisdom than you do in your pinky,” Donnie retorted. A grin worked its way onto my face as I surveyed his wares.
“These are incredible.” The table boasted the most intricate woodworks I’d ever seen, including model sailboats, miniature folding screens, and a selection of mind-boggling puzzles. “Thank you.” Pride glowed in Donnie’s face. “Keeps me busy now that I’m retired.” Christian and I chatted with Donnie for a while until other customers pulled him away. We ended up buying two puzzles （Christian） and a set of gorgeous carved bangles （me）。 “I’d say our first date was a success.” I swung my shopping bag as we walked to a nearby restaurant for dinner. “Of course it was. I planned it.” My mouth dropped. “Hello? Did you forget about the garden earlier? We both planned the date.” “Yes, but I drove us all day.” “That is not how planning works!” Christian laughed as I lightly shoved his arm. Other than his annoying habit of taking credit for dates we both planned, Christian was a great boyfriend. Vague and moody at times, especially after a stressful day at work, but considerate and supportive almost all the time. I’d all but moved into his bedroom and turned the guest room into an overflow closet. He worked from home twice a week so we could spend more time together, and even though we spent most of those days doing our own thing—him on his laptop, me on my fashion line plans—it was nice having him close. All in all, I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect real relationship. Still, it took me another two weeks after our first date before I invited Christian to join me on a visit to Maura’s. I’d never brought anyone to see her before, and the prospect tore at my nerves. What if she didn’t like him? What if he didn’t like her? What if she got agitated and— Stop. It’ll be fine. I took a deep