He startled when Nelson laughed loudly. He looked up in time to see Nelson wiping his eyes. “Oh, you are a delight. Getting right to the meat of it. I thought that would take at least another week or two. Possibly seven.”
“Glad I can buck your expectations,” Wallace mumbled.
“It’s simple, really,” Nelson said, and Wallace tried to hide how eager he was to hear the answer. “I like being old.”
That … wasn’t the answer he’d expected. “You do? Why?”
“Spoken like a young person.”
“I’m not that young.”
“I can see that,” Nelson said. “Worry lines around your eyes, but none around your mouth. Didn’t laugh much, did you.”
It wasn’t a question. And even if it was, Wallace didn’t know how to answer without sounding defensive. Instead, he lifted his hand to his face, touching the skin near his eyes. He’d never been one to worry about such things. He had expensive clothes, and his haircuts cost enough to feed a family of four for a week. But even though he put on an imposing display, he never thought much about the person underneath it all. He was far too busy to care about such things. If there were times he’d caught his reflection in the mirror in his bedroom, it was only given a passing thought. He hadn’t been getting any younger. Maybe if he’d cared more, he wouldn’t be here. That line of thinking felt dangerous, and he pushed it away.
“I could change how I look,” Nelson said. “I think. I’ve never tried, so I don’t know if it would work or not. But I don’t imagine we have to stay as we were when we died if we don’t want to.”
Wallace looked down at the floor warily. He wasn’t sinking, so he supposed that was a start.
“Tell me something no one else knows.”
“Why?”
“Because I asked you to. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I find it helps to speak some things out loud rather than keep them bottled up. Quick. Don’t think about it. The first thing that comes to your mind.”
And Wallace said, “I think I was lonely,” surprising even him self. He frowned and shook his head. “That’s … not what I meant to say. I don’t know why that came out. Forget it.”
“We can if you want,” Nelson said, not unkindly.
He didn’t push. Wallace felt a strange surge of affection for him, foreign and warm. It was … odd, this feeling. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cared for anyone but himself. He didn’t know what that made him. “I didn’t have … this.”
“This?”
Wallace waved his hand around. “This place. These people, like you have.”
“Ah,” Nelson said, as if that made perfect sense.
He wondered how this man could say so much by saying so little. While words had always been easy for Wallace, it was his power of observation that set him apart from his peers. Noticing the little tics people had when they were sad or happy or troubled. When they were lying, eyes turned down, shifting side to side, mouth twisted, something Wallace prided himself in knowing. How strange, then, that he hadn’t been able to turn that on himself. Denial, maybe? That didn’t make him feel better. Introspection wasn’t exactly his forte, but how could he have not seen any of this before?
Nelson didn’t seem to have that problem, which humbled Wallace more than he expected. “I didn’t see it, then,” he admitted. He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I had privilege. I lived a life of privilege. I had everything I thought I wanted and now…” He didn’t know how to finish.
“And now that’s all been stripped away, leaving you only with yourself,” Nelson said quietly. “Hindsight is a powerful thing, Wallace. We don’t always see what’s right in front of us, much less appreciate it. It’s not until we look back that we find what we should have known all along. I won’t have you thinking I’m a perfect man. It would be a lie. But I’ve learned that maybe I was a better person than I expected. I think that’s all anyone can ask for.” Then, “Did you have anyone to help chase the loneliness away?”
He hadn’t. He tried to remember how things had been before it’d all fallen apart, how Naomi had looked to him with light in her eyes, the corners of her mouth quirking up softly. She hadn’t always despised him. There had been love between them, at one point. He’d taken it for granted, thinking she’d always be there. Wasn’t that part of their vows? ’Til death do us part. But their parting had come long before death ever found Wallace, and with her exit, the crumbling of the life they’d built together. She left and Wallace threw himself into his work, but had it really been any different than when she’d been there? He remembered one of the last days of their marriage, when she’d stood in front of him, eyes cold, telling him he had to make a choice, that she wanted more than what he was offering.
He hadn’t said a word.
It didn’t matter. She heard all the things he didn’t say. It wasn’t her fault. None of it was, no matter what he’d tried to tell himself. It was why he hadn’t contested the divorce, giving her everything she’d asked for. He’d thought it was because it was better to get it over with. He could see now it was because the guilt had been gnawing at him, though he hadn’t given it a name at that point. He was too proud for that.
Or he had been, at least.
“No,” he whispered. “I don’t think I did.”
Nelson nodded as if that was the answer he expected. “I see.”
Wallace didn’t want to think about it anymore. “Tell me something no one else knows.”
Nelson grinned. “Fair.” He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “You can’t tell anyone.”
Wallace leaned forward, surprised at his own eagerness. “I won’t.”
Nelson glanced at the kitchen before looking down at Wallace. “There’s a health inspector that comes here. Loathsome man. Chip on his shoulder. Thinks he’s entitled to things he can’t have. I haunt him while he’s here.”
“You what?”
“Little things. I knock his pen out of his hand or move his chair when he tries to sit down.”
“You can do that?”
“I can do many things,” Nelson said. “Man has it out for my Hugo. I make sure to reciprocate in kind.”
Before Wallace could ask about it further, Apollo turned over, raising his head toward the kitchen. A moment later, Hugo appeared through the doors, Mei trailing after him.
He said, “What are you two talking about, and should I be concerned?”
“Most likely,” Nelson said, winking at Wallace. “We’re definitely up to no good.”
Hugo smiled. “Wallace, could you come with me? I’d like to show you something.”
Wallace looked to Nelson who nodded. “Go on. I have Mei and Apollo to keep me company.”
Wallace sighed as he stood. “Another therapy session?”
Hugo shrugged. “If you want to think of it that way, sure. Or it could just be two people getting to know each other. Almost like friends, even.”