“You just feel that way now,” I interrupted. I couldn’t let her say those things, or think them, even if they were true.
“—and if I’m being real with you, and I’m trying to be real with you, I don’t think I can be here. I can’t do this.”
“I’m here, honey, I’ll do it.” I squeezed her shoulder.
“You can’t, Jason, you can’t do it for us, it’s not like Monaco, you can’t go it alone. Nobody can. You can’t give me our family back, you can’t give me our past back, and I don’t know what to do because I can’t live in the present and I sure as hell can’t deal with the future. Neither can Ethan. We’re falling through the cracks, like Mom, we’re falling.”
“I won’t let that happen,” I said, stricken.
“What can you do about it?” Lucinda asked, beginning to cry.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The weekend was miserable, with Lucinda nursing a hangover and finishing the video for Allison’s funeral. I dreaded its coming, mentally counting down the days, and gloom settled around the house like a fog on the marsh. Ethan retreated to his bedroom with a grumpy Moonie, though I made sure he got some food and fresh air. By Sunday night, I let him stay in his room.
I sat at the laptop in the kitchen, on autopilot. I checked the wall clock, and it was midnight. I had been online for hours, scrolling mindlessly. The house was quiet. I felt raw, exhausted, and broken, alone with my thoughts.
What can you do about it?
I was failing Lucinda and Ethan. I had to pray we could start a new life, but I was having my doubts. A program designed for criminal defendants wasn’t tenable for us. Maybe after Milo was caught, we could walk away, although God knew when that would happen.
I scrolled online for news of Milo, but there wasn’t any, then I found myself checking the website of the citizen detective Bryan Krieger. The first page had photos of our burned-out house, office, and Lucinda’s studio, and a new headline turned my stomach.
BIG INTERVIEW WITH MELISSA DELUCA, LUCINDA BENNETT’S BEST FRIEND!
I recoiled, dismayed. The audio file of the interview had been posted an hour ago. I put on a pair of wireless earphones, clicked the link, and listened to the intro, which began with suspenseful music. Bryan Krieger introduced himself, sounding younger than I’d expected, and Melissa thanked him. I startled to hear her voice, familiar yet from another world, one in which I used to live.
I listened, visualizing the interview as if it were one of my transcripts:
Bryan: You’re Lucinda Bennett’s best friend, right?
Melissa: Yes, and let me say, I would never discuss Lucinda’s business with a total stranger. I’m doing this only because I’m trying to find her. I contacted you because I want to get the word out that they’re missing and put pressure on the police.
Bryan: We should explain how you found me.
Melissa: Some friends saw your website and mentioned it to me, so I emailed you. I feel like the police are not being responsive to me or the community, which I don’t understand. I’m a taxpayer. They owe us accountability but they don’t even call me back—
Bryan: That’s infuriating.
Melissa: I agree. And believe me, I know that I’m not in law enforcement, but I have common sense and I care about Lucinda and her family.
Bryan: I feel the same way, though I don’t know the Bennetts. I feel as if I do from your posts and photos.
Melissa: I appreciate that and I know you’re not a professional, either, but both of us are trying to solve this disappearance. I’m desperate to get the word out about Lucinda. We need to find her, Jason, and the kids. You have no idea what a wonderful family the Bennetts are.
Bryan: I’m sure, this is so upsetting.
Melissa: Right? Can you imagine? Your best friend and her family vanish off the face of the earth? As soon as she didn’t go to her mom’s, I knew there was real trouble. Something is really wrong. The police say I’m jumping to conclusions, but I’m telling you it’s true. I know when I’m being condescended to.
Bryan: Melissa, obviously, you know Lucinda better than anyone. My wife has a best friend, too, and her best friend would do anything for her.
Melissa: That’s how I feel. It’s girlfriends that get us through everything. Lucinda was—I mean is—a great friend.
Bryan: I know that you don’t suspect Jason, but let’s discuss him. You have to understand, the husband is the first person we look to in cases like this. Anyone who watches Lifetime TV knows that, right?
Melissa: Jason should not be a suspect. I don’t suspect him at all.
I smiled, appreciating the vote of confidence. I always liked Melissa, and it felt good to hear her defend me, conviction resonating in her voice.
Bryan: You strike me as an educated and sophisticated woman, so you know domestic abusers don’t appear to be so on the outside.
Melissa: I do know that.
Bryan: So you can’t always tell by appearances.
Melissa: Yes, that’s true.
Bryan: No marriage is perfect. Mine certainly isn’t. Is yours?
Melissa: No, and I’m not here to say Lucinda’s marriage was perfect. It definitely wasn’t.
I blinked, surprised. I didn’t think my marriage was perfect, but it was pretty good. I would’ve thought Lucinda would say the same thing.
Bryan: What is it that makes you say that their marriage was definitely not perfect?
Melissa: Well, there was a rough patch.
Bryan: When? I’m curious if it was close in time to their disappearance.
Melissa: Well, uh, in truth, it was. It was over the summer. She felt like Jason was spending too much time at work.
I remembered. I had been working all the time last summer, and Lucinda had been unhappy. We had fought about it once or twice, but I hadn’t thought it was a rough patch.
Bryan: So Jason was working late at the office?
Melissa: No. When you’re a court reporter, you’re not working at your own office. Jason would be in someone else’s office, but he worked nights.
Bryan: So he could have been anywhere.
Melissa: That wasn’t my point.
Bryan: Did Lucinda know where he was on those nights?
Melissa: Yes.
Bryan: But she had to rely on him telling her where he was. He could have been anywhere.
Melissa: I think he was where he said he was—
Bryan: Now during this time period he was working late, did you or Lucinda think he could be having an affair?
Melissa: No, he’s not like that. He’s a great guy.
Bryan: I did see pictures on his website of an employee named Justine. She’s very attractive. Do you know who I mean?
Melissa: Trust me, he wasn’t having an affair with Justine and I’m not going to talk about her personal life. Lucinda trusted Jason and I do, too.
Bryan: Then why do you say the marriage wasn’t perfect? What was the rough patch over the summer about, if he wasn’t having an affair? I suspect he was, and I don’t know why you’re lying for him.
Melissa: What? I’m not.
Bryan: Were you having an affair with him? Is that why you’re so involved in this? You’re acting like you’re worried about her, but really that’s to deflect suspicion—
Melissa: No, no, that’s not true! I would never, he would never, we weren’t having an affair! She was!