“Oh, you know, they got a little hungry so they carved the horses down to the bone,” he said, waving the meat stick back and forth with a raised brow.
I scoffed at his foolishness, taking the bread from his hand and stealing another bite while he bit into the meat. “Did they steal it?” I asked as I chewed.
“Stealing is a strong word,” he said, trailing off as he looked away from me. His gaze dropped to where I held the remaining bread resting against my thigh. With his newly-healed hand, he grasped mine and lifted it to just in front of his mouth. His eyes held mine intently as he guided me forward so that he could take a bite from it.
He chewed thoughtfully, feeding me the last bite of the meat as I opened my mouth. He placed it on my tongue, leaving me with the scorching intimacy and feeling how he made such a simple moment feel sexually charged.
“One day soon, we’ll lie in a bed in the palace at Catancia with a fire roaring in the corner of the room. I’ll feed you twilight berries by hand,” he said, holding out his hand to demonstrate the size of the decadent berries.
“No.” My voice came out snappier than intended, my body leaning away from his as I realized I’d swayed toward him, drawn to him like a moth to the flame when I should have wanted nothing more than to stay as far away from him as I could.
The twilight berries were just one more reminder of the games of men; of why they were dangerous and never to be trusted.
“No?” Caldris asked, his brow furrowing in confusion. “No one in their right mind can say no to a twilight berry.” He laughed, the rich sound of it grating over my skin in all the wrong ways. My body felt too hot, even feverish as I thought back to all the things I’d lived at the hands of the man who held authority figure over my life.
All he’d wanted was to raise me, and to groom me to be his wife one day. I’d been young enough to be his daughter, and that age difference was staggering.
Caldris was old enough to be my earliest ancestor, for Gods’ sake.
“I can,” I said, shoving the blanket away from me. “I hate them.”
“What am I missing?” he asked, setting the plate to the side and leaning into my space. He snagged my chin with his thumb and forefinger, turning my attention back to him and meeting my gaze with his probing stare.
“Nothing,” I said, feeling my eye twitch with the lie.
“Nothing? Like your scars?” he asked, his voice dropping lower as he glanced down to where I wrung my hands together. “Tell me, Little One. I want to know just how long I need to make him suffer before I grant him the gift of death. Are we talking about decades of torture, or am I sending his soul to the pits of Tartarus to be pecked to death by the blight for an eternity?”
I swallowed, trying to think of a response that would spare me this conversation. I didn’t want to have it—didn’t want to give Caldris any more of my secrets. He shouldn’t get to own this part of me, but the bitter girl who wanted revenge would revel in the knowledge that Caldris would wreak vengeance on my tormenter, long after he’d lost me.
I wanted to be better than this. I wanted to be the strong survivor I’d spoken of with Melian, turning my back on those who’d wronged me, not wasting energy on things like revenge.
“Somewhere in the middle, I would wager,” I said, my lips twisting into a dry smile when I raised my eyes to his. His glare seemed to enfold me in darkness as his nostrils flared. “But these aren’t the sorts of conversations we should be having over delicacies like this,” I said, shoving the last bite of bread into my mouth and chewing to delay the conversation.
“How convenient that you just ate the last of it then, min asteren,” he said, releasing my chin and gathering my hands into his. He stared me down, trying to compel me to speak my truth.
“Am I your equal?” I asked instead, glancing down at my hands clutched in his. “Or am I just a pet like the humans have been taught?”
“You are my mate,” he said, reaching out to touch his palm to my face. He caressed my cheekbone with his thumb, the intensity of his stare making me want to believe the words more than anything.
“Then give me your truth,” I said, leaning my face into his touch instead of pulling away from it for once. If he could turn his love into a weapon, if he could use it to make me need him when I didn’t want it, then maybe I could use his love for me against him.
Use it to learn the truth of everything that was coming.
“You know my truth,” he said, his mouth turning down as he considered my words.
“Why did you touch your chest when Holt said Mab was getting impatient? What power does she have over you that makes you cooperate with her wishes, even when you think they’re wrong? Why can’t you defy her to save me from a life that I do not want?” I asked, reaching out to shove the plate to the side.
“Those aren’t secrets I keep for my own benefit. I’m protecting you from the pain the truth will cause, my star.”
“If I am truly your equal, then I do not need your protection. You cannot have it both ways, where you demand my secrets and I get nothing from you. If you want me to believe a word you say, then you have to start by being honest with me. Until that happens,” I said, shifting up onto my knees in front of him. I lifted my tunic from where it bunched around my knees as I unclasped my cloak with the other hand, letting it fall to the bedroll behind me. I shifted forward, straddling his outstretched legs until I settled in his lap. Leaning down to touch his face with a gentle hand, I stared into the familiar dark eyes that took my breath away with every glance. “You will not get to own any more of my secrets.”
His hands settled on my hips, the heat of his palms feeling like a brand upon my soul. “This is a most cruel punishment,” he said, tipping his head back as I leaned over him. My hair fell around us in a dark curtain, offering a feeling of intimacy in the darkness around us.
“Tell me,” I murmured, trying not to respond when his fingertips brushed against my ass and squeezed.
“If I tell you, will you make love to me tonight?” he asked, leaning up until his mouth was only a breath from mine. He rubbed the curve of his lips against mine, teasing me and seeking to twist my daring game into something he could use to his advantage.
“You can only have one reward. You can have my body wrapped around yours, or you can have the reason I will never be able to stand the taste of twilight berries,” I said, drawing his attention back to the issue at hand. He alone could choose which he wanted more: my body or my mind. My pussy or my secrets.
He pulled back as he considered his choices with a serious look on his face, then he nodded, lying back on the bedroll beneath him. His hands stayed at my hips, holding perfectly still even though I felt the tension in his grasp. He wanted to guide me to roll my hips over him, to mimic the movements I would make if I rode him.
“Mab has my heart,” he said, and everything inside of me froze at the words. Of all the things he could have possibly said, that was the last thing I’d wanted to hear. To think that I could be in love with a male who loved someone so evil; I felt like my heart might splinter in my chest.
He lifted a hand from my hip, grasping mine as he pulled me forward. Pressing it against his chest where his heart lay, he mirrored it with his hand on my breast as he had once before.