I stepped into his chest, wishing I could give him the words that would chase away the melancholy. “I don’t want to be there without you,” I said, settling for that confession instead. I didn’t want to be anywhere without him.
“I don’t want to exist without you,” he said, returning the sentiment and taking it up to another level. I sighed, breathing in his scent, wondering how long I could really hope to delay the inevitable. He knew how I felt, knew how much his soul tormented mine.
“If you challenge Mab, what happens then?” I asked, feeling the moment his body tensed.
“I cannot do that unless we finalize the bond,” he said, wrapping his arms around me. He didn’t look down at my face, knowing me well enough to know I couldn’t look him in the eye for this conversation.
“I know,” I said simply.
“I’ll challenge the bonds she placed on me, and if I can manage to break free, I could challenge her for the throne to the Shadow Court.”
“Would you?” I asked, tilting my head to the side. I didn’t know what I should hope for. If I should long for a peaceful life tucked away in the Winter Court? I wanted that peace, but I didn’t know that I could leave others to suffer, either. Not the way the world had abandoned me in my time of need, turning a blind eye to the way Byron had tortured me as a young woman.
“I would do anything for you, min asteren. If you would want me to gain my freedom and go with you to some remote place, I would do it. If you wanted me to take you to explore one of the forbidden realms, I would take you there and we would never have to concern ourselves with Mab again.”
“That tells me nothing of what you want,” I pointed out, laughter making my chest shake.
“I want to see Alfheimr freed from Mab’s clutches, and I don’t think anyone will have the ability to do it if I do not aid that cause. None have been able to for countless centuries, and it would be difficult to leave my people to suffer at her hands,” he admitted, and I felt the way the words felt torn from him. He didn’t want to make me feel trapped by his dedication to help his people.
“I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if we walked away,” I said, turning my eyes up to his. I swallowed, holding his vibrant blue stare.
“What is it, my star?” he asked, touching a hand to the side of my neck.
I nodded, trying to force the determination and love I felt to him through the bond. I needed him to know that the words that came next were partially because of my desire to right the wrongs that had been committed, but the decision wasn’t made without love in my heart.
“I’ll complete the bond.”
24
ESTRELLA
The stone tunnels felt more oppressive than normal as we made our way toward the common area in the main cavern. I didn’t know if the members of the Resistance would be allowed out in the open, but the commotion coming from the end of the tunnel implied far more voices than just those of the Wild Hunt.
I swallowed back my trepidation for what was to come, shifting my wrists to wring my hands in front of me. The shackles rubbed against my skin, the chain clinking and echoing off the tunnel walls. Caldris turned to look at me, staring down at them with all the hatred I knew he felt for the fact that I needed to be treated as if I was a prisoner.
Some days, I nearly asked him to remove them. The Fae Marked already hated me. They’d made that very clear, and I couldn’t imagine them despising me and my companionship with my mate anymore than they already did. His gaze darkened, as if he was only a few moments from tearing the shackles off me. After my agreement to accept the bond, it seemed even worse to be chained.
I wasn’t his prisoner any longer, but his partner moving toward freedom at the end of a fight for his freedom. It was a strange conflict to find myself at the center of, to feel as if I was solely responsible for the deaths that would come, but I could also be a part of the peace on the other side.
If I lived long enough, anyway.
All I knew, all that mattered to me, was that, at the end of the day, Caldris and I would live together. We would fight together. We would die together. There was comfort in that. A constant in the unknown.
We stepped into the main cavern and a hush fell over the space as all eyes fell on us. Holt straightened his shoulders, his hand going to the hilt of his sword as he prepared for whatever may come. Skye, the woman who had fed us on the day we’d arrived the first time caught my eyes, her mouth parting in shock as the breath left her lungs. She hurried over as Caldris tensed at my side, then took my hands in hers with a gentleness that made my heart ache.
“Estrella,” she said, her eyes filling with tears as she looked around behind me. “Where are the others? Melian? Duncan?”
Moisture gathered in my eyes as my nose burned, and it was all I could do to shake my head sadly. “The Mist Guard…” I trailed off, not needing to finish that sentence as her eyes drifted closed.
She shook her head slowly, heaving out a sigh. “All is truly lost then,” she said, and when her eyes opened she turned her attention to Caldris. She stared into his blue eyes with all the hatred any of them would have felt for the Fae, but as her gaze darted over the features of his face and went to his swords strapped across his back, I watched the ragged gasp leave her lungs. “Caelum?” she asked, stumbling back a step. She shook her head, pressing a hand to her mouth. Her gaze dropped to the matching marks on our skin, and to the way they seemed to move in tandem without Caldris’s glamour to hide the similarity. The way they pulsed as one, linking us across any distance between us.
There was no mark on Skye’s neck, but she reached up to touch herself as if there was.
“She trusted you,” Skye said, those eyes filled with accusation as they turned back to me. The hatred she felt for the Fae was nothing compared to the hatred she held for me, thinking I’d betrayed her people in a way that was unforgivable.
“I didn’t know,” I said, shaking my head sadly as I gave her my truth. We all had our choices to make and our burdens to bear, and knowing that I’d been the reason for Caldris’s deception was mine. But I was not responsible for the half-truths he’d spun, for his grand play to work his way into the Resistance.
I hadn’t done this knowingly.
She took another step away, moving into the arms of a man who wrapped her in his embrace. He wasn’t marked either, but his glare settled on Caldris exclusively. Why was it that women were always so quick to judge other women? Why was it the woman we vilified, even when presented with the truth that the woman had been a victim of the same deception?
Women needed to be better, to do better, because at the end of the day, every one of our actions could see us condemned—while men were free to fuck and murder, to steal and lie, and it was all just brushed off as another day under the sun.
Bitterness rose within me, hatred so blinding I couldn’t see past the dark tinting the edges of my vision. At the center of the fog, the man guided Skye forward once again until they stood directly in front of us. He stared up into Caldris’s face, his eyes glaring in challenge.
Then he struck, reaching for the dagger strapped to Caldris’s thigh with movements as quick as I’d seen from any human. My mate blocked it easily, grabbing the man by the wrist and holding him. His grip was firm, the man’s skin pinching beneath his hold, but given what I knew of Caldris’s ability to tear a beating heart from a man’s chest with his bare hands, his restraint was admirable.