If I could measure the length of the look he gave me, it would have been at least a mile long.
I knew what that expression meant.
I had to try hard not to gasp. “No one?”
“Why do you sound excited?”
My eyes went straight to his mouth. “Do you watch porn?”
It was the noise he made in his throat that made me glance up at his face. His red face. The tips of his ears were that color too. “What kind of a question is that?”
Oh b-o-y. “I’ll tell you what kind I like. It isn’t that big of a deal.”
The color in his cheeks, the tip of his nose, and ears went nowhere.
I smiled at him. Then I leaned forward, so, so close his earlobe was an inch away from my mouth, and I whispered right into his ear.
I could see the muscles in his neck and his biceps tighten as I moved back onto the pillow.
I smiled at him again.
He glared.
“See? It’s no big deal. Everyone does it.”
He went Glare 2.0 on me.
“I’ve done more than pee in front of you, Alex. It really isn’t weird.”
Nothing.
I squinted at him. “You’re into butt stuff, aren’t you?”
The hair on my arms started to rise as he stared at me, and I laughed. “Stoppppp.”
He stared at me for a minute longer. “That’s really what you’re into?” he asked then, going back to what I’d whispered.
I nodded, not feeling even a little bit embarrassed about it.
That purple gaze stayed on my face, and his voice was just slightly lower as he said, “I’m surprised you’re not into pegging.”
OH BOY.
I howled. “I knew it! The fact you even know what pegging is says everything! In books, it’s always the big, buff, controlling guys who are the kinkiest.”
My hands were covering my eyes from how hard I was laughing, but I know I heard him snicker. “I knew you were full of shit when you said it was no big deal. You’re crying. You’re fucking crying right now, you little liar.”
“I wasn’t expecting you to say pegging!”
“That’s not what I’m into,” he spat back dryly.
“It’s okay if it is. I just…” Oh shit, I couldn’t even finish that sentence; I started laughing even harder. So hard I rolled onto my stomach and buried my face into the pillow.
There were fucking tears coming out of my eyes.
He sighed clear as day. “I’m not even going to bother insisting that’s not what I’m into. It’s not. You’re just being a little shit.”
With my mouth pressed against the material of the pillowcase, I mumbled, “I thought you telling me you liked my hair was the best part of my night, but now—now it’s this.” I turned my head to look at him and found him shaking his head, staring straight forward. Reaching over, I tickled his lower rib.
Well, I tried to.
He snatched my finger in his hand.
My face ached from smiling so hard, and it was one of the best feelings ever. “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. I guess it is a little personal.” Then I couldn’t fucking help it, I snorted again.
The word “pegging” had come out of Alex’s mouth. I was never going to be the same again.
He gave my finger a tug, still not looking at me. “How many people have you kissed?” he asked, sounding annoyed.
I rolled onto my back, still smiling. “Three.”
His hold tightened just a tiny little bit. “You haven’t had a boyfriend or long-lasting friends, but you’ve managed to kiss three people before?”
I moved back onto my side to face him. “One was this boy who lived next door when I was in the fifth grade. I used to go outside and play with him and his sister when my grandparents weren’t home. When I was seventeen, I met up with a gaming friend I’d had for a long time. His family happened to be visiting where we lived. It was a nice, first real kiss. I met up with him a few times.” I thought about how else we’d messed around and felt my face go warm.
Alex’s grunt made me wonder if he knew what the hell I was picturing.
So I kept going. “I liked that guy, but my grandparents found out and they grounded me for a year. I’m not exaggerating either; it was a whole year. They made me cancel that account and never get on it again. That’s when I stopped playing Call of Duty. And the third was a delivery driver when I was twenty-one. I knew I shouldn’t talk to him, and I didn’t really, but he was cute, and I was lonely and horny and wanted a boyfriend so bad, you have no idea. It was okay, neither one of us knew what we were doing, and I moved away right after that. He thought my name was Esther.”
A frown formed over his mouth and stayed there as he rolled onto his side to face me too. Those purple eyes bounced over my face. A muscle in his cheek moved. He wasn’t glaring, but he wasn’t not glaring either.
“So that’s my tale,” I told him. “A whole three, and one of them probably doesn’t even count because it was a peck.”
There was a pause and a glow of those eyes before he grunted.
What the hell was he thinking?
One of the tendons at his neck popped right before he said, “Sure.”
I blinked. “Sure what?”
“You can kiss me.”
It took my brain at least a good five seconds to catch up. To realize what in the fuck he’d just said. And maybe if I had been more meek or shy, I would have acted all coy.
But I wasn’t.
Not with him. Not anymore.
“You’re giving me permission to kiss your precious lips?” I asked him in disbelief.
He dipped his head.
Was he being serious?
He was, wasn’t he?
“Huh,” I muttered.
He blinked.
I blinked.
And my fucking heart just… it didn’t soar; it freaking bunny-hopped its way across state lines.
I lifted my head and propped it up on my palm. “Alex?”
“What?”
“Why?”
“Now is as good of a time as any.”
I rolled my eyes. “No, why me?”
Those curly lashes fell over his eyes again. “Why not you?”
“There are about a million different reasons,” I answered seriously.
“You’re really asking?”
“Just did, didn’t I?”
Part of me expected him to make some sarcastic comment. Maybe to glare. I even kind of thought he would say “never mind.”
What I didn’t expect at all was for him to say, “Maybe there are two million reasons why it should be you.”
He couldn’t have stunned me more if he’d pressed a taser to my neck.
And he took advantage of it. Those purple eyes glowed, and his voice was dead serious as he said, “Your lips look soft.”
The bunny in my chest turned into an Olympic champion, long-distance jumper.
And it was me who sat there without a single comeback.
I knew he’d been looking at my mouth… but like that?
I could make a joke. I could be the one to brush it off. I could even be the one to say that this was too much pressure—kissing The fucking Defender for the first time?
But he was so much more than that, and I knew it.
He was Alex. He was my hero. My friend. My protector. At least a handful of other things first before he was The Defender to me.