I’d been forced to be closed in my whole life, and so had he.
And the fucking monumental weight of being his first kiss… well, I’d shouldered heavy shit my whole life too. Maybe it didn’t physically weigh as much as the things he’d been burdened with, but they could have been crippling for me.
This… it’d be an honor and a privilege. And if it was all I’d ever get, then it was all I’d ever get. A kiss from Alex. Who knew what life would throw at you?
My voice was wary as hell as I said, “Only 1,999,999 other reasons to go.”
His nostrils flared. “Your mouth is pretty too.”
Of all the things he could have said…
“You know you’re more than all right looking, don’t you?” he asked in a low voice. “Everyone says you’re pretty, but they don’t know you look that way even when your face is covered with mud and you feel like shit.”
The breath I let out shuddered, and I gulped, making a split-second decision. And before I could convince myself of the million reasons why this was a shitty idea, I scooted across the mattress, crossing the distance between our pillows.
That power that radiated from him brushed my skin gently. It wasn’t hair-raising anymore, maybe because I was getting used to people like him, but more of a tickle. A nice, pleasant tickle.
His eyes followed my every movement as I got closer and closer, my heart doing fucking laps around a football field at superhuman speed. But he didn’t make fun of me for being nervous. He just… stayed there, with his head on a pillow, watching and watching and watching.
I was pretty sure he was holding his breath.
“Are you positive?” I asked.
Alex just nodded. That gaze settled right on my mouth.
“Promise you won’t regret this or disappear on me if you feel uncomfortable afterward?”
His features went rigid, but he dipped his chin in agreement.
I wouldn’t regret it. I hoped he wouldn’t either.
I scooted a little closer, then a little closer. When he was a couple inches away, then just an inch, and finally, right there, right there, right there, I pressed my lips against his. Soft and gentle, like he wasn’t made of the strongest cells in all the galaxies, I kissed Alex. A peck.
I heard him inhale.
I drew back a little, then moved my head and pressed my lips to the corner of his.
He didn’t move as I angled my head to kiss the opposite side of his mouth, still as can be.
I drew back, uncertain, just a couple inches.
He moved so fast toward me that I didn’t realize what was happening until he was right there, brushing his mouth over mine.
His lips were soft.
A big, cool hand curved around my jaw, and he guided me closer. But it was me that licked his bottom lip. It was him that licked my top one. And it might have been both of us that met in the middle afterward.
His tongue touched mine, and mine decided to touch his right back.
Those firm but soft lips…
And his tongue…
I pulled back as much as I could with his hand on my face and asked in a fucking deranged whisper, “I thought you said you’d never kissed anyone before?”
“I haven’t,” he said… laser focused on my mouth.
He was awfully fucking good at it.
I wanted to kiss him again.
And he was focusing on my mouth like…
“Again?” he asked.
I didn’t answer. I leaned forward, and there was no brushing then, no casual peck. My tongue went into his mouth, and his palm was there, holding me in place, and Alex kissed me like the world was fucking ending and this was it. The last moment of our lives.
He ate at my mouth, enthusiastic, his tongue brushing mine, kissing me like he had kissed a million women before, all for this fucking moment with me. His hand held me there, gentle but firm, not letting me retreat. Not that there was anywhere else I would rather be.
Because there wasn’t. There absolutely wasn’t.
This was stupid, this was dumb, but too fucking bad.
I snuck my hand between us, palming a spot on his rib, curling into his T-shirt like he might try and back away.
He didn’t.
We kissed and we kissed, and my breathing through my nose was rough, but I wasn’t about to pull away until I absolutely had to.
And when I did, I was panting, and Alex’s face was pink, and his eyes were heavy-lidded.
His throat bobbed hard.
“Okay,” I croaked.
He was still looking at my mouth.
“Okay?” I asked like an idiot.
That got him to lift his gaze, nostrils flaring.
Okay, okay. I’d been the chosen one. My job was done.
If he wanted to do it again… for practice, he would say something, wouldn’t he?
Wouldn’t he?
Since he didn’t tell me to come back, and he hadn’t found something else to focus on…
I had to get it together. Change the subject so I could think about something other than the way his tongue felt in my mouth, like he hadn’t minded at all. Like he’d actually enjoyed it. Like I hadn’t heard his faint groan.
But I couldn’t think about that anymore.
Not able to handle being the center of his focus, I zeroed in on that big hand, on the nice fingers stretched wide. I started poking at the sides of his palm. They felt normal. There was nothing about them that seemed all that different. When he didn’t move away, I started squeezing the sides of each finger.
He let me.
“So.” I tapped at the fingernail of his index finger before moving on to the middle one, pretending like my voice wasn’t all high and breathy and we hadn’t just been making out and my nipples weren’t hard. I knew he had to be aware I was turned on, but what was I going to do about it? I cleared my throat. I focused. “Do you wear your not-a-costume around the house, or do you change into it every time you need to bounce?”
His dry laugh made me glance up. He was smiling that faint little smile.
I smiled back weakly, still thinking about his tongue.
“I change into it. It only takes a second.”
I went back to messing with his fingers. He had just a little patch of hair by the first knuckle of each one. I grazed the pad of my finger over it. “I never did understand how you squeeze in and out of that thing. It was falling off you when we met. Is there a zipper hidden somewhere?”
Alex snickered. “No zipper.” He paused. “I’ll show you one day.”
I snapped my head up. “Really?”
“The things you get excited over…” The corner of his mouth curled. “Yeah, I’ll show you.”
I just wanted to mess with him. “Can I try it on?”
That got the reaction I wanted. He laughed. He straight fucking laughed.
“Yeah, it’d probably be too big for me,” I joked.
“You’re annoying.”
I focused back on his knuckles and started trailing my finger over each ridge. One little mountain after the other. “Spoiler alert: I don’t think you think I’m really that annoying.”
He didn’t say anything.
I peeked up self-consciously.
And that’s when he curled the hand I’d been messing with under my chin, drew my face up, and brushed that mouth over mine.
Alex kissed me some more.