I held the phone and credit card out toward her and gave her the best smile I could summon up, fucking grateful that I hadn’t actually cried. “Thank you.”
Her dark blonde eyebrows knitted together. “Do you need something else?”
“No, thank you,” I said. “I’m actually pretty tired and not… not feeling so good. I’m going to go lie down.”
I made sure not to look toward The Defender. No way, no how.
Selene glanced to the side, at her maybe-relative before focusing back on me, her expression troubled.
Figuring I could sneak back down for water later when the kitchen was empty, I said, “Well, thank you for everything, Selene. Good night.” I thought about it and glanced in Alex’s direction, focusing on his chest. My voice was flat as fuck. “I brought you one of those cookie cakes. It’s on the counter. Thank you for not letting me die.”
I didn’t wait for a response before I was out of there.
I headed up the stairs, stopping just at the doorway to the room and wiped at my face again. It wasn’t wet fortunately. He’d be able to smell if it was.
I was going to be on my own. What was new? Nothing, that’s what.
I wasn’t welcome? Okay. Fine. I closed the door and locked it.
I didn’t need him. I could owe everyone else a favor and money, but I wouldn’t add him to the list with that shitty-ass attitude. I had a lot to think about, a lot to decide on, but I was going to do it. I would rather live my life on my own terms than on someone else’s.
All he wanted to do was put a roof over my head? Fine.
Pulling the cover off the bed and a pillow too, I set it on the floor so I could use it after I brushed my teeth.
I was going to figure this out.
It would be complicated and hard, but that wasn’t anything new.
I could disappear again.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-TWO
I could put down “sleeping on the floor” on my list of shit to regret.
It had to have been the adrenaline, fear, and desperation that had made sleeping on the floor in the cell bearable. Because this time? Things that hadn’t hurt before, hurt now, and everything that had hurt before, hurt even more.
It probably didn’t help that when I did wake up, all I could think about was Grumpy Ass. His words. His attitude.
How had things gone wrong so fast?
Maybe they had never been great between us, but I’d thought…
It didn’t matter what I thought, did it?
What mattered were the facts: my existence annoyed him, and sooner or later, he was going to kick me to the curb. Maybe it would be a padded curb close by, but it was still a curb. That could be today, tomorrow, or weeks from now. Then what?
I would end up on my own one way or the other.
Promises were only worth something when there was trust between people.
Friendship didn’t equal trust.
I forced myself to get up, suppressing the groans that wanted out of my mouth as my body ached. I used the bathroom, brushed my teeth with my brand-new toothbrush and toothpaste, and stared at my hair in the mirror. I brushed it out and put it up into a nubby ponytail.
Keeping my chin up, I went downstairs and found Selene in the kitchen again seated at the table with a tablet in front of her that she was staring at intently. Her gaze lifted the second I walked in, and she gave me a faint smile, like she could tell something was off. “Morning.”
“Hi, Selene,” I said, feeling shy all of a sudden. She’d known last night something had been going on.
“Did you sleep okay?”
I lifted a shoulder. “Did you?”
From the slight change in her narrow features, she knew I was deflecting but answered anyway. “Not long enough. I miss my bed.”
“Do you live far?” I asked.
“No. We were up late, and I didn’t feel like driving home,” she answered, surprising me for a moment. “Alana asked me to keep an eye on him.” She put her finger to her mouth before dropping her voice. “We’re all worried something is still off that he’s not telling us about.”
Was she expecting me to rat him out? Would I? No. I wasn’t a snitch. If he wanted to lie to his family, he could. Plus, I wasn’t shallow with my words. I had told myself I was going to be loyal to him, and I would.
Even if I wanted to flip him off.
“He just got back a couple hours ago. He’ll be asleep for a while,” she kept on whispering.
“Oh.” I didn’t want to fish. We were back to my rule: the less I talked, the better. The less I asked, the better too. Even if I wanted to know who Alana was.
“There’re leftovers from last night if you want them for breakfast. I need to head into the office today.”
I wondered where she worked, what she did. How old she was. But what was the point when I wouldn’t be seeing her for much longer? She already knew more than most people I’d ever met.
Maybe in another lifetime we could have been friends.
In another lifetime a lot of things could have been different.
“Thank you, but I have cereal. You’re welcome to it if you want any.” See? I could be polite. I could be nice.
“I’m good, thanks,” Selene answered, watching me closely.
It felt like she wanted to say something else but didn’t.
Keeping my chin up, I turned to the cupboard and got my cereal and milk out. I thought about standing up to eat, but decided I was already being run out of here. I took the seat beside her at the table just as she set her tablet on the surface and leveled beautiful blue eyes on me.
I spooned the little, round, donut-shaped objects, only meeting Selene’s gaze after I’d taken a few bites.
I gave her a brief smile.
“Can I help you with something?” she asked gently. “I know you’ve got a lot to figure out.”
“No, it’s okay. I think I can get everything sorted.” I didn’t know where to start or how I was going to pull it off, but I would, dammit.
Those eyes moved over my face like she could tell, and she probably could. I’d never been that good at hiding my feelings. I used to have to walk away so that my grandparents wouldn’t notice when something was up my ass; I didn’t want to hurt their feelings or get chewed out for disagreeing with something.
I fucking missed them. I missed them so much.
“It’s none of my business, but I’ve never been good at minding my own business, you know what I mean?” the woman said. “You look sad.”
I dipped my spoon into my bowl and made myself glance up.
Selene nodded.
What was I going to do? Tell her that her Alex hurt my feelings? That I didn’t want to stay here anymore? No. Instead, I settled for telling her part of it. “I’m just overwhelmed with all the changes in my life. I’m sad over it.” And here I’d just told her I didn’t want her help. That made a lot of sense.
I was pretty sure she didn’t believe me anyway. “Do you want me to show you around the property? So you can settle in? I can show you where the compost bin is,” she offered. “There is a field out back with the solar panels that power the house, and he has plans for a greenhouse by the garage.”
I wouldn’t be here long enough for that to be necessary, so I shook my head. “That’s all right. Thank you. But could I borrow a laptop? I want to send you the money you let me borrow, but I’m not sure if I can even check my account without my cell phone, and I just thought about whether I need to call the police about the incident at my house.” Saying those words out loud hurt my heart.