I don’t know what’s going on. Does he have a brain tumor? Because that’s the only thing I can think of to explain this.
I would probably go to the bedroom with him if I didn’t have plans for tonight. But the truth is, I’m looking forward to seeing Jay. I don’t want to cancel, although I’ve never had a dilemma like this before.
“Nate.” I forcibly push him off me. “Maybe…could we do this another time? I want to get through these papers before I go out…”
“Seriously?”
“Yes!”
Nate looks at me in disbelief as he allows me to disentangle myself from his embrace. “I don’t get you, Eve. You are always whining that we don’t have sex enough, and now I want to do it, and you’re pushing me off you.”
“Nate…”
“No, forget it.” He climbs off me, a scowl on his lips. “I’ll take care of it myself then.”
I jump off the couch, calling his name as he storms off. The bedroom door slams upstairs, and now I’m the one staring in disbelief.
What on earth was that all about?
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Forty
ADDIE
THE MEETINGS of Reflections used to be the best part of my day, but now all I want is for it to be over so that I can sneak off with Nathaniel to the darkroom.
“This whole poem,” Lotus says to me, “it’s too…sappy.”
“Sappy?” I repeat. The poem she’s looking at is one that I wrote while thinking about Nathaniel. It’s a love poem, but I didn’t think it was sappy.
Your eyes are brown
like freshly fallen
autumn leaves
I crave your embrace
in the misty night
I see you every day
But when I can’t be with you
I long to be in your arms
My love for you is like
a black hole
It is so deep
and I can’t stop falling
“Yeah.” She crinkles her nose. “I mean, look at this. ‘My love for you is like a black hole.’ Seriously, Addie? It sounds like some lovesick teenage girl wrote it. You don’t usually write shit like this.”
I snatch the poem away from her, my face on fire. I had been considering showing Nathaniel the poem today, but now I’m not so sure. I didn’t think it was sappy. I didn’t think it made me sound like a lovesick teenage girl. But then again, Lotus knows her stuff.
“I’m just trying to help,” Lotus says. “You need to have thick skin if you want to be a writer. People are going to tell you way worse stuff than that.”
“Yeah…” I look across the room, where Nathaniel is talking to another student. He notices me watching him, and he flashes a ghost of a smile. “I guess you’re right.”
She looks down at her watch, noting that it’s 4:30 now. The meeting is just about over. Thank God. “Hey,” she says. “You want to go grab some pizza?”
It’s the first olive branch Lotus has extended to me in a long time. Except I don’t want it. Becoming friends with Lotus would make it harder for me to meet up with Nathaniel. And no friendship is worth jeopardizing that.
“I have to be home for dinner,” I tell her.
“Oh. Okay.” Lotus looks disappointed, which surprises me. I thought she hated me. “Well, let’s go then.”
She grabs her bag, swings it over her shoulder, and waits for me. Except I can’t leave with Lotus. I’m not missing my opportunity to be with Nathaniel.
“Actually,” I say, “I need to talk to Mr. Bennett about something real quick. Maybe I’ll catch up with you later.”
Lotus gives me a funny look, but she doesn’t push me further. She doesn’t really have interest in being friends with me.
I let her leave first, but I don’t wait for Nathaniel. I leave the classroom and go directly to the darkroom. After all, it would look suspicious if we keep sneaking in there together.
While I wait for him, I smooth out the creases on my shirt and run my fingers through my hair. The last time we were in here, which was our third time, I took off my shirt, but I was kind of embarrassed about my bra. It was this tan-colored utilitarian bra that was basically the opposite of sexy. I wish I could take off my shirt and be wearing something cute and lacy, but I don’t own anything like that. And it’s not like I can get my mom to buy me a sexy bra. If I even asked for it, she would probably ground me on the spot.
Mostly, we have just kissed and he put his hands on my breasts. Other times, we will just talk, and sometimes he recites poetry for me. He knows so many poems by heart, including his personal favorite, “The Raven.” He is super patient with me, and he keeps telling me that we don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do. He just wants to be with me. He told me it was okay if we never had sex. I think we probably will someday, but I love that he is so patient.