I felt like I couldn’t do anything for myself right now. I couldn’t unpack my apartment or ask a cute guy for his name in a courtyard. I couldn’t even put air in my tires.
I knew my life would kick-start again. But it wouldn’t happen until hers was over. It would happen because hers was over and I had no choice but to keep going on.
“I never told you about my first husband,” a voice said quietly.
My eyes flew open. Grandma was awake. I smiled at her. “Hey.”
“Hello, my sweet Holly.”
Hearing my name made the knot bolt to my throat. Because the truth was, I thought I’d already heard her say it for the last time.
“You thought I was a goner, huh?” she joked tiredly.
I laughed a little. “Not yet.”
“I couldn’t go without telling you.”
“Telling me what?”
“About Chip,” she said. “I didn’t forget. Sit. I don’t think we have a lot of time.”
I sniffed and sat on the comforter and took her hand. “What is it, Grandma? I’m listening.”
“I’ve never told anyone what I’m about to tell you.”
“Okay. Say whatever you need to say. It stays with me.”
“I don’t care who you tell,” she said. “Anyone who cared is long dead. I’ll be gone before they can arrest me, and Lucy will never confess.”
I wrinkled my forehead. “Confess—”
“I killed him.”
I jerked to stare at her. “What?”
“I did,” she said matter-of-factly. “Chip was a mean drunk. He liked to hit me. One day he came at me, and I just knew that was it. I wasn’t getting out alive. I clocked him on the side of the head with a cast-iron frying pan.”
I blinked at her.
“Lucy and I put him in the back of my station wagon. Drove to the river, rolled him into the water. I called the sheriff the next day and told him my husband went drinking and never came home. They found him a few weeks later. Called it an accident. They thought he probably fell off a bridge or something.”
I was in shock. “Grandma . . . ,” I breathed.
“Feels good to tell someone,” she said, closing her eyes.
I licked my lips. “It’s okay,” I said. “Get it off your chest.”
She opened her eyes again. “Oh, it’s not on my chest. I’d do it all over again. He’d have killed me. No, the whole point in me telling you this story is to remind you that we need to manifest our own destiny. I never accepted less than what I deserved ever again. Never ignored a red flag or excused bad behavior. I asked for what I wanted, and I protected those I loved, and I demanded the things I needed, and I had a beautiful life. Got seventy more years of living because I decided not to lay down and die that day when some weak man who deserved a dick guillotine made the choice to hurt me.” She held my gaze for a long, meaningful moment. “Take responsibility for your own unhappiness, Holly. If you don’t love your life, change it.”
It was like the words took all that she had left. She lay back against her pillow and closed her eyes. Then she went eerily still.
My heart started to pound. “Grandma?” I shook her gently. “Grandma, wake up,” I said, panicking. “Please. I can’t have your last words contain the phrase ‘dick guillotine.’”
She chuckled weakly to herself, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
“You’re gonna have so many people waiting for you in heaven one day, beautiful girl,” she said quietly. “I’ll be the first one in line.”
Tears pricked my eyes. “I love you,” I whispered.
She didn’t whisper it back. She’d said all she ever would.
She passed the next morning surrounded by everyone she loved.
John
CHAPTER 10
The white Honda had the nurse bobblehead on the dash when I got to Frank’s two days after I met the woman with the jade bracelet in the courtyard. It was holding a little Thank You sign through the window. There was also a succulent on the back right tire with a card.
To the Worst Wingman Ever, Thank you for your kindness over these last few days. You will never know how much it was needed. I hope both sides of your pillow are always cold, and your cell phone is always charged, and your brother always delivers his own Valentine’s Day cards （and sex coupons）。
I’d like to leave you with some parting words of wisdom that someone recently gifted me. I very much needed to hear this. Maybe you do too.