Shock rippled through me. “It’s your father’s soul, Ash.”
“I know. Fates, I know.” A tremor ran through him. “But I will not risk you.”
My chest swelled even as that fissure in my heart widened. Because how could Ash not be capable of love? His desire, his need to keep me safe, felt like something one would do when they loved another.
It was what I would do for him.
Which was why I had to do this.
“I’m okay.” Like the Great Conspirator, I was a good liar when I needed to be.
“Sera—”
“I’m okay,” I repeated. “I feel like I did before. I can do this.” I stretched up, guided his head down to mine, then kissed him softly. “I’m going to do this.”
Kissing him once more, I settled on my feet and then turned. Luckily, I didn’t stumble or sway. I lifted my hand as Kolis had done, concentrating on the embers. “Vena ta mayah.”
The essence thrummed weakly throughout my entire body, but it was enough. My temples throbbed, and the cluster of diamonds vibrated, making that high-pitched whirring sound.
Ash cursed from behind me. “Will you ever listen to me?”
“I’m sorry.” My heart skipped, and not in a pleasant way. It caused my breath to hitch. A faint tremor ran through me as I breathed through a rush of dizziness.
“No, you’re not.” Ash came up behind me, circling an arm around my waist.
There was a grounding, soothing quality to the feeling of him touching me that I’d missed so terribly. And it…it wasn’t fair that I experienced it again only now.
The glittering cluster morphed as it neared my palm, forming one diamond shaped like a star.
“I’ve got it,” I said, just in case either he or Attes thought to reach for it.
I didn’t know if they would see what I did, but I didn’t want anyone else witnessing it. Especially not Ash—not without any warning.
The diamond landed in my hand, sending a charge of energy up my arm. There were no sudden flashes of images this time, but that milky light—the soul—pulsed.
“That’s it?” Ash peered over me, clearing his throat. “The light? I can’t feel or sense anything.”
“I think so.” I knew we didn’t have much time, but there were some things I needed to know. “How…how do you think we can put Sotoria’s soul in this?”
“I can’t answer that,” Attes said.
Ash’s arm tightened around me. “Keella would know.”
“You think she’ll help?” I asked, suddenly remembering how she’d questioned Kolis. “She will.” Or at least I really hoped she would after what I’d done to Evander. I looked at Attes. “Can you get her?”
“Of course,” he said solemnly. “I’ll help Elias get Kolis out of here and then retrieve Keella.”
I held the diamond tightly. “Do you think she will also know how to retrieve a soul from the diamond? I’m guessing it’s not like pulling them from other things.” I paused. “Or people.”
“If it’s different, she may know, but I imagine it’s the same as with anything. I would be able to draw it out. Kolis would be able to.” Ash shuddered. “And you. You would be able to.”
After Attes helped Elias haul Kolis onto Setti’s back, Ash folded his arm around me again, drawing me against his chest. The gown was no barrier against the coolness of his flesh, and the contact did what it always did; it elicited a sensual shiver that curled its way down my spine. I turned my head slightly, seeing the bed. Gods, I’d been so afraid I would never feel this again.
“Are we going to shadowstep?” I asked, holding the diamond tightly in my grasp.
“It’s faster.” He cupped his hand over the back of my head and dipped his, pressing his cheek to mine. “Just remember to breathe.”
“I will.”
The air charged, and Ash’s body began to hum. White mist poured out of him, thick and laced with streaks of midnight. I exhaled, then held my breath as the mist spun around us.
“Hold on,” he whispered, then kissed my temple as I heard the rush of air stirred by Nektas taking flight.
I held on as what remained of the cage, and then Dalos, fell away.
It felt like only a heartbeat—possibly two—passed before I inhaled again and caught the scent of fresh air not tainted by the smell of death or staleness. What I breathed in was damp air and sweetness. Lilacs? There was also the sound of tinkling water.
Ash’s fingers curled in my hair as he held me to him. A moment passed. Then another. Neither of us moved as I let the tension out of my body. We were free. Both of us. Safe—at least for right now. And we were together.
Keeping my eyes closed, I felt the mist falling away from us as I soaked in the feel of Ash. Breathed him in. Even though I should be, I was in no rush to part from his embrace. I’d been too long without it.
“You okay?” Ash asked, his breath stirring my hair.
I nodded, the edges of the diamond digging into my palm. “Are you sure this isn’t a dream?”
“Yes, liessa.” He kissed the top of my head. “We are awake. We are together.”
A shudder went through me. “It feels like one. I didn’t think…” I trailed off, shaking my head.
“What?” he questioned softly.
Words tiptoed to my lips and then just stopped there. Speaking the truth about, well, anything had always been hard. But when it came to talking about how I felt? How I really felt? What I’d been afraid of, or my weaknesses? I didn’t have much experience. Like, at all. I hadn’t been taught that. I’d been groomed to feel nothing and share only lies. So, the fear of saying something wrong or not the right way caused near-crippling anxiety. Even now, with Ash, who I knew wouldn’t judge me, wouldn’t laugh. After all, it wasn’t like he had a lot of experience with this stuff either. Still, it was hard.
Yet according to Holland, the hardest things reaped the greatest rewards.
He was correct.
Hard wasn’t impossible.
And keeping my eyes closed helped. “I…I told myself I would get to see you again. It was how I…” I shook my head slightly. “It was how I did what I needed to…you know, survive.”
Ash’s hand flexed at my hip and then slid to the center of my back. “I know.”
I squeezed my eyes shut harder. “But I was so afraid. And I know you say I’m never truly afraid, but I was. I was terrified that I wouldn’t get to see you. That I wouldn’t be strong enough to deal with everything and ensure I saw you.”
“Strong enough?” Ash dragged his hand up my spine. “You’re the strongest person I know.”
“I don’t know about that,” I murmured.
His fingers tangled in my hair more. “You freed me, Sera. You took Kolis down.”
I bit the inside of my lip. “And I could’ve done that anytime. I could’ve freed you days or weeks ago. I could’ve—” I stopped myself from going there. “I should’ve realized I could do what I did.”
“Fates, Sera.” Ash lowered his head so I felt his breath against my brow when he spoke. “Even if you realized it earlier, you wouldn’t have been able to free me. I would’ve been in stasis,” he pointed out. “And then what? I have a feeling you wouldn’t have done the right thing.”