Sliding my hand under his hair, I moved my fingers along his neck. I hoped it brought some sort of comfort as I opened my eyes.
Stars glimmered high above us, blanketing the sky with a dazzling array of twinkling lights. There were so many. Hundreds. Thousands. And the moon? It was so big, so bright.
Ash’s arm spasmed around me…or did I jerk? I wasn’t sure as I stared at the moon. The embers began thrumming throughout me, at first nothing more than a minor vibration, and then a frenzied dance.
It’s okay, I thought to myself, my hand sliding of its own accord to stop at his chest. My thoughts began wandering to what I hadn’t allowed myself to dwell on for too long.
Where was I going?
Ash wouldn’t be able to intervene. It would be up to the Arae, and I hoped they wouldn’t sentence me to the Abyss. But I had taken lives when my life hadn’t been in jeopardy. I’d killed bad people and those who happened to be enemies of my kingdom. Would I burn?
No, I reasoned. I would enter the Vale. Holland would ensure that. I had to believe it. But what would it be like? Even Ash couldn’t tell me. All I knew was that it was different for everyone. I didn’t understand how someone could see their loved ones if the paradise was individualized, but maybe we weren’t supposed to understand it.
I wondered who I’d see. Who I’d meet. My father? That would be nice. Would I see my old nursemaid? I’d like that, too.
Would I remember?
Ash? My family? Everything? Would I be at peace? I wasn’t sure how I could be if I remembered or if I forgot. Was that how spirits became…？
I sighed, losing track of my thoughts.
Dying didn’t hurt.
Ash made sure of that with the cool weightlessness of my lake and the now-slower, gentle tug of his mouth against my throat.
He drew my blood into him, and my warmth… I could feel it in his body. It started in his chest and then spread down his stomach. His arms, wrapped so tightly around me, were no longer cold. My blood was doing that, giving him life. And, gods, I was so grateful to feel that again and have the chance to remember the way his body felt when it was like this. And I would remember.
I would.
I would.
I concentrated on the feeling of Ash’s pounding heart beneath my palm. It grounded me. For a while.
But the edges of my vision started to darken—or they had been for a bit. It was another thing I wasn’t entirely sure of, but I felt my heart slowing, and the rushing water was no longer so loud. It sounded muted, far away. I couldn’t feel the quakes shaking the realm anymore.
But I did feel the realm slipping away as I fell into darkness.
My hand slipped again. I tried to keep it where I could feel his heart, but I was tired. Weak. My hand twitched and started to fall.
Ash caught my wrist. He didn’t stop feeding, but he took my hand in his, pressing my palm flat to his chest above his heart.
He knew.
Somehow, he knew.
I felt my lips curve upward. I felt him shake, but I knew I was smiling, even though I was dying. It was happening. After all this time, there was no escaping it, and despite being in Death’s arms, I smiled. I didn’t want to die. I wasn’t ready. It hadn’t magically become fair. I wanted to live. I wanted life more than I ever had, but I…
I felt the warmth of Ash’s skin and his mouth. I felt the strength of his heart beating beneath my palm and knew my blood now coursed through him. Ash would do more than live. He would Ascend, and he would rule as he always should have.
And I…I felt peace.
Not acceptance. Not submission. Just peace. A spasm went through my body, my heart stuttered, and the embers flared brightly in my chest—
Ash jerked his head back, his breathing still fast, hard. His features were blurred, but I saw how bright the eather was in his eyes as he stared down at me. And the embers…
They pulsed fiercely in my chest. He hadn’t…
“The embers,” I whispered, my tongue feeling thick and heavy.
“Fuck the embers.”
Confusion clouded my mind as he placed my hand on my lap, not letting it fall into the water. “Ash.” I tried to move but couldn’t seem to get my body to do as I needed it to. “What…what are you doing?”
“Sera, I need you to take my blood. I need you to feed from me.”
“What…？” My sluggish heart lurched as what he was doing—or not doing—broke through the fog of my peace. “No, Ash. No—”
“No!” he shouted…or whispered. I thought of how he’d said that before he’d bitten me.
I thought about how he’d refused to listen when I told him I wanted him to really live, the after he’d spoken of, and how he’d said he would give me more. When he spoke to me in the cavern. I thought of all he hadn’t said. He’d never said he planned to take the embers—not to me. Not to Keella or Attes.
I went over everything he had said since we were reunited, and even before Kolis held me.
I will not let you die.
Ash had never planned to take the embers.
“I’m not letting you go,” he said. “I’m going to Ascend you.”
I felt another tripping motion in my chest. “You…you can’t.”
The laugh that came from him was dark and endless. “Yes, I fucking can.”
“It won’t…work,” I reasoned.
Eather whirled in his eyes. “I’m a fucking Primal of Death. My blood is that of the Ancients, so we don’t know that for sure. No one does. I don’t care what Delfai or the Arae claimed. Fuck them. I’m going to try.”
As his words sank in, I felt a spark of hope, but it was fleeting. When Kolis spoke of doing the same, I’d known it wouldn’t work. And even if it did… “What…will I become?”
“I don’t know. A demis? One of those Ascended Kolis creates?” But that…that wasn’t how the Ascended worked. They were third sons and daughters. Ash knew that. Another tremor shook him. “Or the Primal of Life.”
But that wouldn’t happen. It couldn’t.
“I don’t care what you become.” He lowered his wrist. “I don’t care, as long as you’re alive. As long as you don’t leave me. I don’t care. I want you however you come back to me.”
Gods, I believed him.
But it wouldn’t work.
Focusing on the embers, I latched on to them for strength. Faint energy buzzed through my veins, allowing me to lift my hand back to his chest, over his heart. “I love you.”
His eyes slammed shut. “Sera, be quiet and don’t fight me for once.”
“I love you so much, but you h-have to do this.”
“Shut up, Sera.” He turned his head to his wrist as a line of darkness raced down his cheek.
“Take the embers. You have to. Please.”
“Shut the fuck up, Sera!” he shouted, sending what birds remained in the elms into a frightened flight. “For the last time, I don’t care about the embers or the realms. They can burn.”
I shuddered, curling my fingers against his skin. “You don’t…mean that.”
His eyes opened and locked with mine. They were pools of still, endless silver. “I do.”
“What if I still die?” I held on to my waning strength, my chest feeling as if it squeezed tighter with every word. “The embers will die, and you won’t have me—”