Tension poured into my body, causing the embers to hum. I shouldn’t be surprised to hear concern for literally anything but me. Usually, it was my duty or the embers. It was never me.
Until Ash.
A sharp slice of pain hit my chest, but I breathed through it, focusing on what Attes had said. Or rather what he hadn’t. “You mean I am the only one who can stop Kolis.”
“No, Seraphena,” he said, his tone heavy. “I do not.”
My body flashed cold as I stared at Attes. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that Eythos’s plan didn’t work as he intended. And, yeah, I didn’t think it would work at all in the first place, but that is neither here nor there.” His shoulders rose with a heavy breath. “Let me ask you something. Are you and Sotoria one and the same?”
A great sense of foreboding seized me. “Why are you asking that?”
“Because I know.” His voice dropped. “I know you’re not her. Not really.”
My heart lurched as his features blurred in a hazy fog of disbelief.
“There’s an uncanny resemblance between you and Sotoria. So much so that I don’t know how Kolis didn’t see it immediately. I don’t think he could let himself,” he continued, almost cautiously, his words low and measured. “But if you were Sotoria reborn, you would look just like her. You don’t. And you would not have been able to speak as her like you did.”
A wave of shock swept through me as my arms uncrossed, falling to my sides. Attes was possibly the first person to say that and sound like he believed it. I couldn’t even say for sure if Ash truly accepted I wasn’t Sotoria. I didn’t think it mattered because I was always Sera to him.
But I thought of what Ash had said about the Primal Keella during the coronation. Keella could follow the souls of those she captured who were reborn. Ash had not believed that Sotoria was reborn—no, that wasn’t what he had said exactly. He’d only said that he hadn’t been sure if Keella could follow Sotoria’s soul because her return hadn’t been a rebirth.
“You know what I’m saying is true. You don’t want to confirm it. I get it. You know that Kolis believing you are Sotoria is the only thing keeping you alive, and the embers of the Primal of Life safe. That’s smart.” Attes crossed the cage. “But there is no point in lying to me, Seraphena. I know Eythos’s plan did not work as he intended.”
I stood rigidly, my thoughts racing. Even knowing what had caused Attes’s scar, wariness still invaded all my senses. I shifted from foot to foot, glancing at the closed doors. I knew I had to make a choice. Trust Attes, or not. If I did and was wrong, I would die, and Kolis would have the embers. But I didn’t… I didn’t think he was here spying on Kolis’s behalf. That just didn’t make sense when he’d apparently covered for me and stopped Kolis when he attempted to take the embers.
I took a deep breath, knowing I wasn’t risking only my life. “Is there a difference between rebirth and being reborn?”
“The phrases are often used interchangeably, along with reincarnation, but a rebirth usually involves the souls of those who have not truly lived,” he said, referencing the babes Ash had spoken of. “Those who are reincarnated may have memories or even dreams of who they once were, and that’s as rare as the act itself, and is usually reserved for viktors.”
“And being reborn is like starting over,” I murmured. “Having no memory of who you once were.” I glanced up at him. “So, having a soul placed alongside another is…？”
“I have no clue,” he admitted with a biting laugh. “It’s not supposed to happen. But it could be the result of what Eythos tried to do—something impossible. Or the Arae intervened.”
I thought back to what Attes had said about the Fates. “But you said the Arae ensured Eythos’s silence, as well as yours, as a way to balance what Eythos did.”
“Yes. But I never said it was the only thing they did,” he countered. “I don’t know why they did this. Then again, one of them put the idea of taking embers from another in Kolis’s head to begin with, and who really knows why anyone would share that knowledge?”
He had a point there. Delfai, the God of Divination Ash and I had spoken to, had said the same.
I shook my head. “What is the point of this? Sotoria’s soul is in me. Does that not make me her for all intents and purposes?”
“A soul is nothing like embers, Seraphena. Two should never be in one.”
A great sense of unease rose. “And what happens if there are?”
“It means that Sotoria’s soul is…”
I watched him look away as he shoved a hand through his hair.
“She’s trapped in me?” I asked.
“Basically.”
I closed my eyes as a shudder rocked me. Trapped. I thought I knew what that felt like, and I did. But I couldn’t imagine what it must be like for Sotoria.
“That bothers you.”
Opening my eyes, I found Attes’s gaze on me. “Of course, it does. I can’t even let myself really think about it without freaking out,” I admitted. “I don’t want that for her.”
“Neither do I.” A muscle ticked in his jaw. “And it also means that when you die, Sotoria’s soul dies with you.”
“Well, I figured that, but wouldn’t that be the case if her soul were simply reborn or whatever, too?”
“If Sotoria’s soul was reborn, you would be her. She would be you. And when you died, your soul would move on. But that is not what happened here. Her soul is in you, so when you leave the mortal coil, she will be trapped in your body until her soul is destroyed, and then she will continue in this…state. Unable to move on. Unable to live or die.” His eyes closed. “She would just be.”
My lips parted in horror. I could practically hear the wailing often heard in the Dark Elms. “She would be like a spirit?”
“Worse. She would become lost.” He came forward again. “Does anyone else know this?”
“No.”
“Not even Nyktos?”
“I…I don’t think so. He’s always made a point of telling me that I am Seraphena, but how would he have any way of knowing?”
“He would if he looked,” Attes said. “He is, after all, a Primal of Death, retaining the abilities lost to Kolis. He can see souls, but I’m not even sure he would understand what he saw if he got the impression of two souls.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. Had Ash looked? I didn’t know. “But Kolis said he held on to my soul, keeping it inside me until he took me to the Triton Isles. Wouldn’t he have felt two?”
“I’m surprised he could even do that. So, it’s doubtful he knew exactly what he held. He could’ve grabbed her soul, which kept you alive. It’s anyone’s guess. Either way, do you understand what all of this means?”
My earlier unease multiplied, forming knots in my chest. “Based on your tone? Apparently, not.”
“Sotoria’s soul is in you, but you’re not her.” Attes’s gaze met mine. “And even if Kolis never realizes that, it means you’re not the weapon Eythos believed he created.”