I didn’t know how long I’d sat here. Minutes? Hours? All I knew was that I had no fear when it came to bathing. The moment Callum and the Chosen left the chamber, I’d stripped off the disgusting gown and all but dove in. The horror of the incident that had occurred beyond the privacy screen I now stared at had replaced that fear.
There were so many more things to dread now.
Things every woman worried about, whether mortal or god. Things I knew Kolis was capable of the moment I learned what had been done to Sotoria. Things I knew I would have to face. From the moment I’d told him I was Sotoria, I’d known I wouldn’t be like his other favorites. He wouldn’t be content only observing. I knew those things would happen. It was one of the reasons I’d tried to escape and screamed fuck the greater good.
But from the moment I decided to use his love for Sotoria to my advantage, I’d known what would happen. And knew I might even have to initiate it.
I’d told myself I was ready. That I could do it. I’d convinced myself. I’d known this could happen. But the foolish, na?ve shock still lingered. I didn’t understand. I couldn’t. Or maybe I wouldn’t. Because I’d prepared for the likelihood that I’d have to seduce Kolis to gain his trust and Ash’s freedom. And while it wasn’t like I was okay with that, I at least had some semblance of control.
I’d had no control a bit ago.
None.
And I’d had no choice.
I really hadn’t. Because choosing not to risk Ash or my physical well-being was not a fucking choice. I had been wrong earlier. Holland had been wrong. Choices didn’t always exist. Not real ones.
Reaching up, I tentatively touched the bite on my neck and winced. He could’ve at least closed the wound. Dropping my hand, I dug my chin into my knees, the muscles in my body tense despite having soaked in hot water. Yet I felt numb. Detached. I closed my eyes.
I was lucky. This time. It could’ve been worse than him getting off while he fed. It could’ve gone further than that.
I didn’t feel lucky, though.
I felt disgusted. Enraged. Desperate. Shamed. And angry at myself for even feeling that because I knew better. I felt weak. And I wasn’t that. With or without the embers, I was fucking tough. Physically. Mentally. I’d cracked a little before, but I was not weak. Still, I felt that way. I felt everything as I sat in the tepid water.
But at the same time, I felt absolutely nothing.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Shortly after breakfast was served, the silver hawk flew in through the narrow window, arcing gracefully as it glided past the chandelier.
Leaving my glass on the table, I took a step back. I assumed it was Attes, but Kolis could take the form of a hawk, too.
Staying quiet, I watched the hawk tuck its wings in close, careful not to brush the bars as it flew between them. The feathered creature circled near the cluster of diamonds and then dove. At the same moment, starlight swallowed the hawk, and the embers hummed. I relaxed when I caught sight of brownish-blond hair.
Attes stood before me. “Meyaah Liessa.” He folded an arm over his chest and bowed.
I arched a brow at the greeting. “That’s not necessary.”
“But it is.” He straightened. “You are the—”
“I know. Whatever. You’re naked.” I paused. “Again.”
A half-grin appeared, softening the scar on his face with the faint appearance of a dimple. I was willing to bet the combination of the three bewitched many.
As I reached for a pitcher, he summoned clothing. “I’m jealous of that talent,” I admitted. “I would manifest actual clothes.”
“I could comment on that,” he drawled. “However, your husband would likely cut out my tongue and eyes and feed them to Setti.”
Your husband. A pang lit up my chest. Two words I’d never thought would affect me so. Two words I’d never thought would apply to me.
Clearing my throat, I lifted the pitcher. “Would you like a drink?”
“Thank you, but I cannot stay long. Kolis is, well…his movements have been unpredictable of late.”
I snorted.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t come back sooner,” he said. “But I do have news for you.”
I faced him. He was entirely covered from his ankles to his throat in black. He must truly be worried about Ash learning about his nakedness because that was a bit excessive.
“I hope it’s about the husband you’re clearly afraid of.”
Attes was quiet, so much so that I thought I might not have asked the question out loud. I lifted my gaze to his, about to repeat what I’d said, when I saw what he stared at.
My throat.
I stepped back, turning my head as if that could somehow undo what he’d seen.
Heat crept up my cheeks. “Do you have—？”
“Kolis?” he snarled.
I stiffened. “No, it was two very large mosquitos.” My joke went over like a ton of manure-smeared bricks as eather pulsed in his eyes. “I’m okay.”
“Seraphena—”
“I am,” I stressed. “All he did was feed from me.” I lifted my chin. “Do you have news about Nyktos?”
It took a moment, but Attes’s chest finally moved with an exhale. “He is being awakened from stasis,” he said. “It’s taken longer than expected.”
Pressure clamped down on my chest, and my mind became a whirlwind of fear for Ash. It cracked a bit of the veil I’d donned. “Do you know why?”
“I don’t for sure, but…” The angles of his face sharpened. “I have my suspicions.”
I stepped forward. “Tell me.”
He hesitated for a second. “I think he was incapacitated with a weapon made of the bones of an Ancient.”
My hand trembled as I heard what he’d said to me before about such a weapon. They can even put a Primal into years-long stasis. “But he’s no longer incapacitated?”
Attes shook his head.
Relief swept through me, and I squeezed my eyes shut. This was good news. Great news.
“The only reason I can think of for why Kolis would do such a thing is because he plans to free him,” Attes said. “I’m taking that to mean you’ve made progress with your plans.”
“I have.” I opened my eyes. “Kolis has promised to release him.”
Now, Attes’s lashes swept down. “Thank the Fates.”
“Don’t be too thankful yet,” I advised. “Not until he’s released. Until then…” I turned, walking to the bars facing the closed chamber doors. “Until then, I’ll have to be careful not to give him a reason to find a loophole.”
“I can only imagine how hard this must be for you.”
“Actually, you can imagine.” I dragged my thumb across the rim of my cup.
There was a brief silence. “Is this deal like the one you made to free Rhain?”
Tension crept into my shoulders. “I’m guessing Kyn told you about that.” The corners of my lips tightened. “Your brother is a dick, by the way.”
I heard a heavy sigh behind me. “Yeah, he is,” he said. “Though he wasn’t always.”
I turned to him. “I find that hard to believe.”