“I can’t blame you for that, but if you’d known him a couple hundred years ago? You would’ve seen a different side of him.” Attes dragged a hand over his chest. “A peaceful one.”
My brows rose. A couple hundred years ago? “I suppose I’ll have to take your word for it.”
A wry smile appeared. “Did Nyktos tell you anything about why a Primal would either enter Arcadia or go into a deep stasis?”
“He mentioned it,” I told him. “Something about them entering Arcadia when they were ready.”
“When they’re ready.” He laughed roughly. “That’s a nice way of putting it. Granted, some probably were simply tired of this existence and ready for what awaits in Arcadia, but others weren’t ready by choice, Seraphena. They either had to enter Arcadia or go into a deep stasis because they were changing, becoming the worst of what their powers could do.”
Something about what Attes said was familiar. I wasn’t sure if it was something Ash had shared with me, or what the embers knew.
“How each of our essences influences mortals and gods does eventually affect us. For example, Nyktos’s is rooted in death, but benevolent death—a just ending of one beginning. There is another side to that. One more malevolent that seeks death for the sake of death,” he explained. “Maia can evoke love in others and herself, but it can turn dark, obsessive, and destructive. Even the essence that resides in Keella, who sees to the rebirth of all life, not just mortals, can turn wrong. The essence tied to each of us Primals is capable of great good but also terrible malevolence.”
I thought I understood where he was going with this. “So, the vengeance part of Kyn’s essence has a greater hold on him?”
Attes nodded, lowering his hand. “Just as accord will no longer suit me someday, and I will be driven by war. It happens to all of us, and all we can do to prevent it is either enter stasis to quell that side of us, or pass into Arcadia, where we would remain.”
“If it happens to all of you, why is Keella not a raging bitch?” I asked. “Why are you not consumed by war? You and Kyn are the same age.”
“Both Keella and I have entered stasis more than once over the years,” Attes shared, surprising me. “But that doesn’t mean it’s not a struggle to keep from caving to the more toxic side of our abilities. It’s like an infection slowly invading our flesh and blood.”
“So, that’s why Kyn is a dick?”
A wry grin appeared. “Partly. He’s always been a bit difficult. But when Kolis did what he did? That didn’t help. Any of us. The taint spread.” His features tightened and then smoothed out with a sigh. “None of that is an excuse, obviously. I just wanted…” He frowned as if he wasn’t sure what he wanted.
But I thought I might know. “You just wanted to let me know that your brother wasn’t always this way. I understand.” I took a small drink. “Going into stasis helps? Like if your brother went to sleep, would he awaken…less dickish?”
Attes’s gaze flickered to mine, but he didn’t answer for a moment. “I hope so. I hope it hasn’t progressed that far in him.”
And if it had? “How will he respond to Nyktos taking his rightful place as the Primal of Life and the King of Gods?”
His hand fisted at his side. “I can only believe that he will respond wisely.”
As in he couldn’t allow himself to think otherwise, because Attes knew what that meant. Once Ash had the embers of life, he could Ascend another to rule in Kyn’s place.
“I should leave,” Attes said. “If I learn of anything else, I will do my best to let you know.”
I nodded, resisting the urge to ask him to stay. It was nice having someone to talk to whom I didn’t want to murder, even if we discussed things that left me feeling a bit hollow.
Attes turned, but like last time, he stopped. I waited for him to ask about Sotoria. “Are you okay, Seraphena?”
Surprised by his question, it took me a moment to answer. “Yes. Of course.”
Attes exhaled heavily and nodded. He gave me one last look before starbursts swept over him, and he returned to his hawk form.
My eyes closed the moment he left the chamber, but I still saw the look he’d given me. It had been quick, yet I knew…
I knew he hadn’t believed my answer to his question.
The diaphanous golden gown trailed behind me as I paced the length of the cage.
As always, I wasn’t alone.
The Revenant stood a few feet from the gilded bars, his arms crossed over his tunic. Today, he wore black. Somehow, that made the thickly painted, golden mask even creepier.
I looked toward the closed doors, my stomach twisting with knots of anxiety. At least a day had passed since Attes visited, and it’d been two since Kolis agreed to free Ash and the incident happened.
I picked up my pace as I twisted Aios’s necklace between my fingers.
I hadn’t seen Kolis since he left that day, and the most fucked-up thing was that it was the same as learning I would likely be unable to kill Kolis. It hadn’t filled me with any relief. I was too worried about Ash to appreciate Kolis’s absence—and, hopefully, his all-consuming humiliation.
What if Kolis had changed his mind? He can’t, I reminded myself. He’d made an oath, and Attes had said that Ash was waking up. Had something else happened? Had Rhain managed to launch some sort of attack, accidentally stalling Ash’s release? I closed the fingers of my right hand, pressing them into the golden swirl on my palm.
“I don’t believe you,” Callum stated.
I shot him an arch look. “About what?”
“As if you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
I had a few guesses. “Pretend I don’t and enlighten me.”
His pale gaze tracked my brisk movements. “I don’t trust that you won’t attempt to escape the first chance you get, nor do I believe that you’re seriously open to loving Kolis.”
Well, he would be right about both things. “Okay.”
He cocked his head.
“What?” I challenged. “Think whatever you want. You’re insignificant to me.”
“You should care,” he replied, and I rolled my eyes. “Kolis will realize that you’re lying.”
I was worried about that, because if that thing happened again, I didn’t think I’d be able to stop myself from reacting.
And that wouldn’t bode well for me.
“And he will realize it,” Callum added. “Because you’re not Sotoria.”
My heart skipped with unease, but I didn’t show it. The veil of nothingness was back in place. Mostly. “And why do you think that? Because I don’t exactly resemble what you recall?”
“That’s part of it.”
Curiosity got the better of me. I stopped in front of him. “If you knew me from before, you have to be old.”
A narrow smile appeared. “I am old.”
“How old?”
“Very old,” he replied. “And I did not know you from before.”
A trickle of unease that didn’t feel entirely mine tiptoed down my spine. “Clearly, Kolis favors you. You’re important to him.”