“You don’t need to worry about that.”
“But I do.” I stepped forward, swallowing. “When you two spoke of them, you also talked about maintaining the balance. It didn’t sound like whatever was being done now would work forever.”
“It won’t.” His jaw tightened. “I will need to take the embers once you’ve begun your Ascension, but not a moment before then.” He inhaled, his chin lifting. “Then, I will Ascend you.”
My heart thudded heavily. He…he didn’t know I was already well on my way to Ascending, nor was he aware that he couldn’t just take the embers and then Ascend me. I wouldn’t survive. I wouldn’t even make it if I listened to my dream and told him that only Ash could Ascend me. But…
“Ascend me?” I whispered, catching up to that part. “You would turn me into what? A Revenant? An Ascended?”
“Revenants are not who they were before,” he said, his brows furrowing. “I have not been able to replicate what I did with your brother.”
Brother.
Ugh.
“But that is neither here nor there,” he continued. “You would not become a Revenant.”
“Then I would become an Ascended?”
He nodded.
What I had seen of that woman flashed before me—eyes pitch-black and full of hunger. “What I’ve seen of the Ascended doesn’t resemble anything mortal.”
“That’s because you haven’t seen many,” he answered. “The Ascended are who they were before.” He paused. “After a time.”
After a time? Well, that was reassuring.
“But, like I said, this is not something we need to concern ourselves with yet,” Kolis said. “Okay?”
I nodded absently, but I was very concerned with a whole lot of it. “But what happens after you…take the embers?”
“I will Ascend as the Primal of Life and Death,” he said. “But you already know that.”
“Yes, but what does that mean for the realms, other than…？”
“Ensuring loyalty from my Courts?”
In other words, killing anyone who didn’t agree. Which he could do, being a true Primal of Life and Death. He’d be able to Ascend a god to replace any Primal he slaughtered.
He eyed me for a moment. “Once I have Ascended and ensured the loyalty here in Iliseeum, I will do the same in the mortal realm.”
Taking that more active role he’d spoken of. I opened my mouth.
“No more questions,” he cut in. “I will return soon.”
I stayed quiet, watching him leave as three things occurred to me at once. I had no idea if I could be turned into an Ascended—that wasn’t something we’d asked of Holland or even knew. Knots of dread started to form, but I wouldn’t dwell on that because it wasn’t even possible. I would not allow myself to become a starved monster, no matter what.
The second thing was that while Kolis didn’t realize I was already entering my Ascension, Phanos had. He’d known that what his ceeren did for me wouldn’t last.
But most importantly, there was a reason Kolis was waiting for the last minute he didn’t realize had already come. Even though he wasn’t aware that only Ash could Ascend me, he still knew that I could die during the Ascension and sought to prevent that.
He will do anything to keep Sotoria alive—to keep you alive. Even release you to me…
I sucked in an unsteady breath as I backed up, sitting down.
That dream—those dreams—of Ash. They were just that. Something that occurred inside my mind.
But how could Kolis smell Ash on me then? It made no sense, but neither had the realness of the dreams.
Except I thought of the sticky dampness between my thighs when I’d first dreamt about Ash. The sex I’d had in that dream had felt real— The sensation I’d had both times I’d dreamt of Ash returned. A memory.
Slowly, I looked at the canvas privacy screen. Canvas. In my mind, I saw the painting of my father. It had been kept hidden in my mother’s personal chambers, where only she could look upon it, but I knew she hadn’t done so often. It had been too painful for her. That was how much she missed my father. And I remembered wondering if they had been…mates of the heart.
Mind racing, my lips parted. It was said that such people were two halves of a whole, as if they had been created by the Fates for each other. And their touch was full of energy. It was also said they…
Could walk in each other’s dreams.
My heart started pounding once more. When I touched Ash, I often felt a charge of energy. And both dreams…my gods, they had been too real. Both times I’d dreamt of him and not the wolf, he could’ve possibly been coming out of stasis or no longer in it. He’d also talked about the things that had happened. He’d spoken as if he knew—
But I knew what had happened. I could’ve been feeding the dream version of Ash the information. It had to be that. Because how could we be that? If mates of the heart were even real. As far as I knew, they were nothing more than legends, usually tragic ones. But either way, mates of the heart didn’t involve the actual organ in one’s chest. It was something deeper. The kardia. And Ash? He didn’t have that. We couldn’t be that. The dream had been a beautiful respite, a momentary escape, but it had only been a dream.
It couldn’t have been anything more.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Dressed in another gauzy gown, one cinched at the waist with a tasseled rope belt flecked with what I was beginning to think was real gold, I trailed behind Kolis.
After breakfast and being prepared for the day, Kolis returned and did as I requested.
He freed me from the cage.
And took me outside.
I hadn’t dared to hope he would let me see Ash, and while that was crushing, being outside the cage gave me an opportunity to get a better handle on the layout of this supposed sanctuary of his.
My feet trod carefully on the marble pathway he’d willed into existence from the sandy soil beyond the breezeway.
Kolis’s crown had also appeared out of thin air.
It was still difficult to look upon.
Not because of how bright it was but because I had a nearly overwhelming desire to rush forward and snatch it from his head.
Tearing out several strands of that golden hair in the process.
Smiling at the thought, I became aware of eyes on me. I glanced to my right.
Elias walked half a step behind me. There were no other guards that I could see but I suspected many were close.
The god eyed me as if he knew what I was thinking before I faced forward again.
We walked in silence. There were no bird calls or the rustle of animal life, just our footsteps as Kolis led us through a grove of palm trees that shielded the faintly cracked walls of the sanctuary on either side.
Gods, the battle between him and Ash had even damaged structures within the City of the Gods.
What would an actual war between them do?
Shuddering, I looked up, noting that the blue of the sky was darkening, moving toward violet. It reminded me of the minutes before dusk arrived.
“Will it be night soon?” I asked.
“In about a week, it will be,” Kolis answered, the warm breeze lifting the strands of his hair from his shoulders.