Sadie hummed in agreement, as if she could make sense of all the words that I couldn’t. “In a pack, we are told exactly where we rank and what that means for us: how we can act, who we can love, how much we can dream for. Before now we only existed as one part of a bigger beast,” she said. “But now as individuals . . .” She blew out a long breath.
“They’d have never allowed it,” I said. “We were all just pawns in Nero’s own game.”
“If we defeat Sawyn, it won’t matter what anyone else says,” Sadie said with fierce confidence. “You can claim that kingdom and make your own rules if we win.”
“We?”
She shrugged. “Hector and I talked about it. After we rescue Maez, we’re coming with you. We made ourselves targets the second we left with Grae. Either you win or we die, so we might as well help you.” She grinned, shuffling her feet closer to the window to escape the gale of icy wind. “In your kingdom, will you let humans and Wolves be together?”
I hadn’t thought about it before then—that I might be able to make decisions that would affect other people like her, but the word came tumbling out of my mouth. “Yes.”
Sadie pulled out her dagger and held open her palm. “Then I pledge my sword to you.” She slit her hand and held it out to me. “My future ruler and regent.”
“You’re so morbid,” I muttered.
“The word is ‘sanguine.’” She smirked. “But yes, always.”
I took out my knife and did the same, knowing that this was a declaration to myself as well. I thought to Grae, to our confessions in the forest. It was time I showed him all I was willing to fight for.
Vellia’s voice whispered back into my mind: Whatever it is you want from this life, Calla, I hope you have the stubbornness to take it.
No more silent submission. I would be the ruler of Olmdere or I’d die trying.
“I accept.” I shook her hand, our blood oath tying us together to whatever end. “Welcome, Sadie Rauxtide, Knight of Olmdere.”
We both balled our cut hands into fists, turning back to the shop window.
“I’m freezing my tail off. Do you want to go inside?” I asked. Sadie nodded. “Celebrating your knighthood by perfume shopping.” I guffawed, shaking my head.
“I think I’m going to like your court, Your Majesty.” Sadie laughed, holding open the door for me. “Don’t drip blood on the carpet.”
When Sadie and I returned to the wagon, spirits buoyed, only Ora was there. Sitting at the kitchen table, they had needles held between their clenched, ruby red lips and pieces of fabric strewn across the table all around them.
“Oh good,” they said, their eyes landing on me. “I was doing some mending of the costumes for the performance, now that you’re going to be a little star.”
Sadie leaned into me and muttered, “What does that mean?”
“I’ll explain later,” I replied.
“I’m going to go sit up front and sharpen my knives,” she said, clapping me on the back and then lifting her bag of makeup, “and try not to stab myself in the eye with this kohl stuff.”
“Have fun,” I said as she crunched back down the icy steps toward the front of Galen den’ Mora. I raked my snowy boots across the grating before shucking them off and adding them to the pile of drying shoes by the door. Warmth greeted my cold nose and cheeks, the smell of cinnamon lingering in the air as I sidled down the narrow corridor to where Ora sat.
“So . . . ,” they said, spreading out different fabrics: satins, beads, feathers, velvets in every hue of the rainbow. “What do we think?”
What did I think? I took in all the different options with a shake of my head. “I’ll be honest, I’d half-forgotten about the performance with everything else that’s going on.” The moment in the forest with Grae still echoed through me, contending with Sadie’s new oath for pride of place in my mind. I clenched my too-long sleeve around my cut palm.
“Masquerade.” Ora tossed the word around, tapping their fingers across the different materials as if summoning a spell. “Dark and sleek, bright and fun, glittery and elegant . . . What kind of performer are you going to be? What do you want to wear tonight?”
I blinked down at the fabric and two completely different answers leapt instantly into my mind, canceling out my decision before I could even speak it. Why was this so hard for me? Why couldn’t I just pick one? These answers shouldn’t feel like a knife twisting in my gut, forcing me to reflect on everything that I am.