“When your dad passed away, I was devastated. You have to know that.” She waited until I looked over at her, finding her through the blur in my eyes. “But I was also so relieved. For me. For him. He was finally out of pain. And our family could finally start to rebuild.”
My dad’s looming death had been this weight pressing down on our family for two years. I remember, at the funeral, being able to breathe deeply for the first time in a long while. In the end, his death hadn’t scared me. It was the change of it all that frightened me, left me crippled. What would happen to our family now that he was actually gone?
“I know my relationship with Russ happened fast. I know you’ve all had a hard time catching up. And I’m so sorry for that. I didn’t expect it myself.”
“It’s okay,” I whispered. “I’m going to try harder to get to know him better—just as long as we still keep Dad around every once in a while.” My words came out like I was half teasing, but I was very serious. For the first time, I could start to envision a path for myself that included Russ in my peripheral view. But I needed to know that my dad would still be a part of our lives.
“I just want to make sure we still talk about him. I want to meet up at his favorite restaurant to celebrate his birthday. I want to watch Home Alone every Christmas. And make Poor Man’s Sloppy Joe’s every once in a while, just because he would love it.”
Mom laughed at that. “We all hated that meal—including him.”
“I know, but lately, I’ve had a weird craving for it.”
I draped my head gently on my mom’s shoulder. The tears leaking from my eyes were of the peaceful variety now. We re-hashed old memories and phrases my dad used to say. Through sniffles and smiles, she smoothed my tear-soaked hair, her fingers lightly brushing my cheek as we talked of moments with my dad that had stayed with us. Her words spilled out in a contemplative whisper, and ever so slowly, a healing balm began to spread over my dry, cracked heart.
“One thing I’ve learned through all of this, Olive, is that people don’t fill up on love. There’s no brim on the cup. Love overflows. It grows and bubbles over over. I used to believe there was something I would be trading to let another man into my life. That I would have to give away a part of my heart that belonged to somebody else. And then I met Russ, and I realized that a person doesn’t reach the capacity for love. Love just is. It’s all-encompassing. There’s no trade-off. I don’t have to sacrifice my love for your dad or you and Chloe to love Russ. He doesn’t take any of your dad’s place in my heart because the heart doesn’t retract–it expands. My heart grew bigger for Russ. But I will always ache for your dad.”
TWENTY FIVE
“I didn’t mean to fall in love with my vampire billionaire baby’s daddy, but I did. That’s the thing about love, I guess. Sometimes all it takes is one little taste.”
Velda Stark - My Vampire Billionaire Baby’s Daddy
Miles knocked on my mom’s cabin door just after lunch. A sigh of utter relief came over me as I scrambled up from my chair at the table and flew to the door to answer it.
He was a sight for sore eyes in his jeans and a flannel shirt underneath his coat. His eyebrows raised a tiny bit at the speed at which I flung open the door, but I quickly tried to play it cool.
“Oh, hey.”
He looked at me a moment before peering past my shoulder to where my mom and Russ sat, working on a puzzle, White Christmas playing on the TV in the background.
“How’s your morning been?”
“It’s been…good,” I answered truthfully. The three of us had passed a relatively nice morning playing games and working on a puzzle. Every so often, I’d been tempted to sneak back to my cabin, but every time, I heard Miles’s voice in my head, telling me to try and live in this moment. So, I stayed. And if I was being honest, it had been enjoyable getting to know Russ a bit better and learning about his family’s Christmas traditions– many of which he had tried to hold onto with his kids once his wife passed away but found it difficult to do with married kids, which gave me the realization that everybody gave up something to be here like this. Not just me. And we were all still alive. Still standing.
I also snuck away while the twins and Ben were napping and visited Chloe. It had been her turn to know the truth about me and Miles. The smack to my shoulder that Chloe dished out as I confessed didn’t feel great, but I probably deserved it.
“You lying punk! I called it! I KNEW there was something fishy about the whole thing.”
“I’m sorry!” I said, holding my hands out. “I panicked and needed an excuse to not be around Glenn.”
“Why couldn’t you tell me?”
I gave her a look. “Do you remember the whole shopping-trip debacle of three years ago? You can’t keep anything from Mom.”
She made a face. “Fine.”
“Besides, I owed you a lie, remember?”
Her mouth dropped open before she burst out laughing. “If this is about—“
“Dirk McCoy. High School. You lied to me for WEEKS about that.”
“Because you had a crush on him, and you would've killed me.”
I sighed. “If only I hadn’t been in middle school. I think we really could have had something special.”
We laughed a bit longer until a contemplative silence came over us both. She turned to me, her eyebrows raised. “But…what about all the kissing? With you and Miles? Was that planned? I may have missed the famous mistletoe kiss, but I was there for the sledding. That sure didn’t look fake.”
Heat tinged my cheeks, and I tried my best to hold back the smile, but I couldn’t.
Thankfully, Holly had woken up with a start and began screaming, so she had to go. I slipped out soon after, and instead of turning toward my own cabin, I went back to my mom and Russ’s.
Even though it had been a nice morning, I also learned that I could only take Russ’s “dad” jokes for so long before wanting to bash my head into the wall. Hence, my excitement to see my fake-but-maybe-not-so-fake-but-quite-possibly-still-fake boyfriend.
“You coming to challenge us in a battle of Risk?” Russ called out to Miles.
I blanched. Risk? That game would take approximately ten thousand years.
Miles must have had that same idea because his face dropped a tiny bit. Thankfully, Mom stepped in.
“He’s just teasing. You two go for your walk.”
We took our leave before Russ could think of another game. I adjusted my mom’s beanie over my ears as we stepped out onto the snow-covered sidewalk, each with our hands in our pockets, walking side by side.
“Look at you, getting all cozy with Russ. And not a single battle wound on you.”
I gave him a look. “I’ve got a date with a bath and a book this afternoon as a reward for good behavior.”
“That sounds nice. Need some company?”
“No.” I bumped against his shoulder.
He chuckled softly. “Seriously, though, how was it this morning?” Any improvements?”
“I think so.” I gave him a sheepish smile. “I mean, I was still really happy when you showed up, so it must not have been that great.”