In the years after my father died, I forgot what it felt like to be loved. Then I entered the quadrant and became the monster everyone needed me to be, and I never regretted it. But then you gave those words to me, and I remembered…and nearly lost you, too. I’m striving to be better for you just like I promised, but I need you to know that monster is still there, screaming to use every ruthless part of me to get your words back.
—RECOVERED CORRESPONDENCE OF LIEUTENANT XADEN RIORSON TO CADET VIOLET SORRENGAIL
CHAPTER TWENTY
The ground rushes up at us as Tairn flares his wings, slowing our descent as we land on the field at Samara. “We will figure something else out,” Tairn argues.
“Even if you move to my shoulder and successfully slide to perch…” He shudders.
We’ve spent the better part of the last two hours arguing over whether or not I would ever attempt a running landing, which, if you ask Tairn, would be never.
“You can’t change graduation requirements.” I unbuckle from the saddle and wince at the twinge in my hips that tells me I went too long between breaks.
“I’ve never tried,” Tairn lectures, and his head whips toward the edge of the clearing, tilting in excitement as he watches the tree line for movement.
I grin, knowing Sgaeyl must be close.
“Let’s agree that we will come up with a solution that meets graduation requirements without breaking every bone in your body,” he suggests quickly.
“Agreed.” I should remember to only argue with him when he’s got better things to do more often. Climbing to the back of the saddle, I unclip the packs and nearly lose my footing in my haste.
“We’re all dead if you fall off my back and break your impatient neck.”
“Because I’m the impatient one.” I swing my small pack onto my back, then place one of the heavier packs on each of my shoulders. “I can’t believe you allowed someone up here to secure the bags. I’m impressed with your restraint.”
“The section leader attached the bags to the saddle before I put it on, naturally.”
“And here I was thinking you’d evolved.” My knee throbs as I navigate Tairn’s back, but it’s all but forgotten the second I lower my shields and feel that shadowy bond wrap around my mind.
It goes against my instincts to block him, but I force my mental shields back into place. After the way we left things last weekend, I have no idea what to expect from him, but he’ll damn well expect me to have my shields up no matter how mad we are at each other. Bags secured, I slide down Tairn’s leg and take the brunt of the impact on my good knee when I hit the ground.
“Go find Sgaeyl,” I urge Tairn, heading across the field of trampled grass toward the looming fortress.
“I’ll wait until you’re inside as always.”
“You’re wasting time.” I can feel his anticipation singing through my bloodstream, but I don’t block it out. At least one of us is happy. The thing that happens later? That, I’ll block out like my life depends on it.
“Then walk faster.”
I laugh and trudge forward. Gods, these bags are heavy, and weirdly… vibrating with energy. Guess these ones have already been imbued with power.
An entire company of infantry jogs toward me from the arched entrance as I make it to the top of the stone ramp. Oh shit, I’m right in their way.
“Rider!” the commander yells.
Before I can step aside, the company splits down the middle and runs around me, so close I can feel the breeze from the air they displace like I’m a boulder in the middle of their rushing creek. I hold completely still to avoid impact, not even daring to breathe as they run by.
When the last of them pass, I exhale, then continue into the bailey. A group of healers crosses in front of my path, and when they clear, I see Xaden striding toward me across the courtyard, his face unreadable. My heart stutters, then pounds, but I make myself move forward.
Not sure how it’s possible, but I simultaneously want to climb the man and kick him hard in the shins.
There’s a group of riders in the courtyard behind Xaden, but they’re only a blur of black because I can’t look away from him, can’t see past him. As complicated as our connection is, it’s also undeniably simple. He’s the horizon, and nothing exists beyond for me.
“I’m going to have to force your hand and I’m sorry,” he says quickly as he approaches, cutting through my shields like they’re nothing but lace where he’s concerned.
“What else is new?” I pause, noting that everyone between us gets out of his way.
“You have about two seconds to decide if you want time to talk in private tonight.” He’s less than a dozen feet from me.
“Not sure you want to be alone with me, considering what I’m carrying.” I bristle. That’s the first thing he has to say to me after the way he cut out last week?
“Choose.”
“Yes. Of course I want to talk to you in private.”
“Tell me to kiss you. Even if it’s just for show.” There are only heartbeats between us now, and he’s not slowing.
“What?”
“Now, Violet. Or you’ll be sleeping in someone else’s room tonight.” The look in his eyes demands an instant answer. Right. Because he told me months ago he’d only kiss me when I asked him to. He reaches for me, one hand sliding to the back of my neck and the other bracing my waist as our bodies collide.
The impact sends every sense reeling.
“Kiss me.” Just for show.
“I missed you,” he says a second before his mouth crashes into mine.
“You walked out on me,” I accuse, nipping the soft skin of his bottom lip with my teeth.
“Fight later.” His hand slides along my face, and he presses his thumb just above my chin. “Now kiss me like you mean it.”
“Since you asked so nicely.” I part my lips under his and immediately regret every second I’ve spent not kissing him lately.
I whimper at the first stroke of his tongue along mine, and his hand flexes on my waist, gripping me tighter as he sinks into the kiss. Yes. One touch, that’s all it takes, and the world around us ceases to exist. This is everything. The energy thrumming in the air around us pales in comparison to the power that floods my veins, the need that ignites within me as we both work to control the kiss.
He wins, consuming me, devouring every thought in my head besides getting closer. The bags slide from my shoulders, hitting the ground beside me with a thud, and I wind my arms around his neck, arching against him. I kiss him back like my life depends on his surrender and tilt my head for that perfect angle. He finds it without even trying, taking the kiss deeper, stealing little pieces of my soul with each swirl and slide of his tongue with an expertise I can’t fight.
I can’t remember why I ever wanted to.
Why would I deny myself the explosive pleasure of kissing Xaden? This is when we make sense. When nothing else matters but the feel of his lips, the flick of his tongue behind my teeth, the lust burning through me I know only he can fully sate. My heart gallops and my body floats as my hands slide into his soft hair.
Weightless. He makes me feel totally, completely weightless, like it’s possible to fly on nothing but waves of sensation.