He shrugs, a smile still spread across his face. “I just love the sound of my name coming from your lips.”
I clear my throat that has suddenly become far too dry. “Well, Kai isn’t your real name, now, is it?”
He’s silent, nothing but a smile and a sudden intensity in his eyes, daring me to say his full name. Wanting me to say his name. And apparently, I want to say it too because when I open my mouth, one word falls out.
“Malakai.”
His eyes flutter shut, his head falls back, allowing the rain full access to his face. The smile on his lips and the column of his neck makes me swallow. His head is still tipped towards the sky, speaking to it as he says, “Only you can make my name sound worth saying.”
“Well, what would you like me to call you? Kai? Malakai?” My voice sounds so breathy, and I almost wish I could blame it on a panic attack.
His answer is simple, straightforward, as he dips his head down to look at me. “Call me anything you like. I’ll never pass up the chance to hear your voice, darling.”
I can feel a smile lifting my lips. “Alright then, cocky bastard it is.”
I wasn’t prepared for the laugh that escapes him. It’s a rich, beautiful sound I wish I had the time to commit to memory.
“Careful, Kai,” his smirk grows at the sound of his name once more, “You’re being a gentleman again.” My gaze flicks to the black coat he is still holding above my head to shield me from the rain. “But you do know I’m already soaked, right?”
“Yes, well.” He sighs and ducks his head so we are eye to eye. “As adorable as you looked blinking up at me in the rain, I want you to see me clearly when I tell you this.”
There goes that stupid flutter in my chest.
“I meant what I said. I can’t take my eyes off you. I can’t take my mind off you.”
I look away from his burning gaze, shaking my head as I mutter, “Kai, I—”
“Paedyn.”
I still. I shiver. He says my name like it’s sacred, like it’s an oath he’s swearing.
He tilts his head to the side, eyes roaming over my face. “Tell me,” he murmurs, “what do you want me to call you?”
My eyes slowly meet his, confused by his question. “What do you want to call me?”
“I want to call you mine.”
We stare at each other. Both of us breathing hard, both of us taking in the other. The rain is still splattering Kai, clinging to his thick lashes and dripping from his jaw.
“I know you feel it too,” he says quietly.
“Feel what?”
“Feel alive. Feel on fire. Feel.” There is an intensity in his eyes, his voice, that makes my heart race even faster. He looks away, cursing under his breath before his gaze crashes back into mine. “Pae, when I look at you…I’m devastated. I’m drowning. I’m dying to catch my breath.”
The air leaves my lungs and now my blinking has nothing to do with the rain. His next words are nearly a whisper. “Look at me and tell me you don’t feel the same.”
Silence. And then—
“I don’t feel the same, Kai.”
Lies. Lies. Liar.
He ducks his head, and when he lifts it to look at me again, his smile is crooked. Then he slowly lowers the coat shielding me from the rain and wraps it around my shoulders, fingers lingering against my bare collarbones and sending a jolt through me.
It’s far too big, and his hands curl around the fabric before he tugs, pulling me so close that my body is pressed against his. He is still clutching the front of the coat, knuckles brushing my bare skin before his lips are against the shell of my ear.
“Now answer again,” his murmur is amused, “but without tapping your left foot this time.”
My mouth falls open.
His lips are smiling against my ear, and I’m trying not to focus on the feel of it. “I…I don’t—”
His deep chuckle cuts me off. “God, you’re stunning.” Rough fingers have never felt so gentle against my skin as he brushes a strand of wet hair out of my eyes. “But so damn stubborn.”
I can’t do this anymore. I can’t not give in to the temptation that is him. I’m suddenly unable to think of a single reason why I’m fighting this, why I shouldn’t close the gap between us right now. I want to—
His lips meet mine.
Barely.
It’s the whisper of a kiss, a promise of passion. And yet, I nearly melt at the contact. His hand is cupping my face, thumb stroking my cheekbone and then—
Nothing.
He pulls back.
I nearly gasp, wanting to grab him, pull him closer, press my lips to his. And I’m about to do just that when I suddenly remember a time when our roles were reversed. When I was the one teasing him with touches.
Now I understand exactly how affected Kai was by the lack of my touch during our game of archery and distraction. The feel of something and then nothing is a cruel thing to bestow upon someone, and he’s left me burning because of it.
His other hand has found its way around my waist under his large jacket, and the heat of his palm through my corset is a brand. He tilts his head, studying me with a small smile.
He knows exactly what he’s doing.
And yet, he’s taking me in as though he doesn’t want to rush this moment. His thumb has found my bottom lip where it’s now trailing lazily, igniting a fire inside of me.
“You promised that I could touch you when I was sober.”
My breath hitches and the corner of his lips twitch in response. I was not expecting him to say that. I was not even expecting him to remember my hasty promise from the last ball.
He ducks his head, his mouth suddenly a breath away from mine once more. “But I’m never sober around you, Pae. Never not drunk on every detail that is you.”
I’m speechless. Utterly speechless that this boy could feel so much.
Feel so much for me.
“If I kiss you—really kiss you, like how I’ve wanted to, how I’ve waited to—should I expect a dagger at my throat?” His voice is rough, his gaze greedy.
And then I reach up slowly and flick the tip of his nose.
This time, I do take a moment to memorize the smile he gives me.
“I guess you’ll have to kiss me to find out.”
Chapter Fifty-Three
Kai
She flicked my nose. I never knew a heart could feel so much, could be so affected by the flick of a finger.
“I guess you’ll have to kiss me to find out.”
Oh, and I plan on doing just that.
I’ve barely been able to hold myself back from wanting to hold her.
She’s so beautiful I can hardly believe it, hardly breathe. Her soul is stunning. Her very being is bright and bold and so unbelievably better than I am. She is a good beyond my grasp, one that I am not worthy of glimpsing let alone grabbing hold of.
And yet, here she is despite that. Choosing me.
It’s a privilege to look into those eyes, to drown in the essence that is her.
Because everything about her is too right and everything about me is too wrong. But I’m selfish. I take what I want, and what I want might just want me for once.
My jacket is still slung over her shoulders, and the rain is rolling down her face, her hair, clinging to her long lashes and dripping makeup. Beads of water join the light freckles dusting her nose, all twenty-eight of them. The steady stream of rain is slapping the cobblestone at our feet, soaking us to the bone.