“Hey, hey, hey. Look at me,” he says softly, more softly than I’ve ever heard him speak. And for once, I listen to him. I’m blinking rapidly, studying his shadowed face in the darkness, trying to calm myself. Though, technically, he was the reason for this panic attack in the first place. He made me panic. He makes me panic. I let my mind get out of control and spiral, my deep-rooted fear of claustrophobia only uprooting after the initial panic that was caused over him.
Caused by frustrating feelings for him.
I’m still breathing heavily, struggling to get enough air into my lungs. He’s kept his distance from me, giving me space. But now he’s slipping an arm around my back, gently, slowly.
“What are you—？”
Air floods into my lungs as if I’ve been underwater this whole time and only just broke through the surface. I gulp it down, greedily, relishing in how it feels to fully breathe again. The panic begins to dissolve, my mind finally settling after spinning out of control.
“Much better, I’m sure.” Kai sounds relieved, though the faintest smirk is lifting his lips.
And that’s when I feel it.
My dress shifts.
I look down and nearly gasp at the gaping fabric that was once stretched tight across my chest. The waist is loosened, no longer cinched to fit my figure.
The whole dress is about to fall off me.
I clutch the top of the sleeveless gown and tug it up, gawking at him. “What were you thinking—”
“I was thinking,” Kai shoves his hands in his pockets, the perfect picture of nonchalance, “that you couldn’t breathe. And as much as I like that dress on you, I figured you would look just as good in it with the laces undone.” He dips his head and smiles to himself, apparently humored by this. “So you could breathe, of course.”
He winks. He winks.
I’m fuming.
“I am going to—”
“Thank me?” he cuts in, pulling at the cuffs of his jacket. My eyes have adjusted to the dim light, and I’m not surprised to see the amusement reflected in his when he meets my gaze. There is no trace of the worried male only moments ago.
I have one hand holding the top of the dress up while the other grips the two pieces of the back together, since, thanks to Kai, the laces aren’t doing that anymore.
“If I had a free hand right now,” I say through clenched teeth, “I would pull my dagger on you.”
“I’m glad to see you are feeling well enough to threaten me again.” He tilts his head, giving me an assessing look.
He’s right. I should thank him. I hadn’t realized how tight the dress was until the panic had me panting for air. Hadn’t realized that simply being able to take a deep breath again would clear my head more than I ever thought possible. Untying the laces was brilliant. But I’m not willing to tell him that.
Distraction.
The word echoes in my head, and I begin to wonder if that is what Kai is doing. Again. Using the banter as a buffer. Turning my attention from my panic and pinning it on him. Using my anger and annoyance to distract, divert. But it’s not his calculating that shocks me anymore, it’s his caring. It’s that he understands exactly what I need.
“Pae.” He’s closer to me now, all amusement wiped from his face. “Are you alright? Truly?”
“Yes. Thank you.” His lips twitch. “Not for undressing me,” I huff, “but for…helping me.”
He shrugs. “Same thing.”
I roll my eyes at him while my hand toys with the laces of my dress despite knowing I won’t be able to tie them. “Can you—” I heave a sigh, annoyed that I have to ask this of him. “Can you tie the laces again for me?”
He studies me for a long moment. “You should retire for the night. Get some rest.”
“Well then I’m going to have to make it back to my room without this dress falling off of me.”
His lips twitch, and I know him well enough to know that he’s likely restraining from saying something wildly inappropriate in response. But when he takes a step towards me, he only says, “Fair enough.”
“It doesn’t need to be tight,” I say, turning slowly towards the tree. “But I do need the dress to stay on.” I barely hear his soft steps behind me before I feel his fingers brush my bare back as he gathers the laces.
He pulls gently at the ties, as though almost unsure of himself. I almost laugh. The action feels far too timid to belong to the prince behind me. “I must admit that I’m far better at undoing laces than tying them,” he says distractedly.
I huff. “Of course you are.”
His quiet laugh stirs my hair, and I still. He tugs on the ties one last time before tying them swiftly, his calluses brushing my skin.
I suppress a shiver and turn towards him, smoothing the skirts of my gown. That gray gaze glides up my body before meeting my eyes, his voice rough when he says, “You’re not suffocating?”
“No,” I laugh, “I’m breathing just fine. Thank you.” I move to step out from under the cover of the willow’s drooping branches when Kai steps beside me.
“I’ll walk you to your rooms,” he says simply.
“You don’t need to do that.”
“You’re right. I don’t.” He threads my arm through his as we begin walking through the crowded garden towards the castle. “But I want to.”
I duck my head and smile. “I could get used to you being a gentleman, Azer.”
He’s quiet for so long that I think he might not respond. But when he does, I hear the smile in his voice. “And I could get used to being one for you, Gray.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Kai
“You’re terrible at this game.”
Kitt’s responds with a loud laugh that is only cut off when he brings the flask to his lips and takes a sip. After swallowing, he sputters, “The game is to drink every time Jax steps on Andy’s toes. How can I be terrible at that?”
I take in my brother’s flushed cheeks and messy hair, knowing I likely look the same. We’ve been sitting on the grass and watching guests spin across the colorful carpets under the starry sky for nearly an hour now. The rough bark of the tree I’m leaning against digs into my back now that I’ve discarded my suitcoat, wearing only my stained button-down.
Kitt gives me a look, still patiently waiting for an answer to his question. And I don’t hesitate to give him one. “You’re terrible at it because you keep missing your mouth.”
We’re both laughing when Kitt wipes at the whiskey dripping down his chin. It seems we haven’t outgrown our tradition of drinking during these balls, and I’m happy to see that some things never change.
“Wait for it…” Kitt murmurs, his eyes trained on Andy and Jax dancing with the other couples. Jax stumbles with a laugh, his long legs getting tangled in the steps before his foot lands on top of Andy’s. “And there it is. He never disappoints.”
“Cheers,” I sigh, grabbing the flask from him to take a sip that burns my throat.
Kitt watches me. “Are you sure you should keep drinking when you have a Trial tomorrow?”
“Have a little faith in your Enforcer, Brother. I’ve faced worse things than a hangover.”