My brows pinch together. How did I not catch this before? How did I not realize he needs to be told how wanted he is? When someone else pretends to love you, pretends to want you, of course you need reassurance.
Tugging his chin, I force eye contact. “I want you, Ryan. I’ve always wanted you, but I didn’t know I could be so lucky to have you.”
That stunning smile is back. “Then kiss me, Blue.”
So, I do, soft and leisurely, nails raking over his neck. He cups my face, fingers threaded into my hair as we take our time more than we ever have before. For the first time, there’s not a question whether this is real. I know it is.
But I ask anyway.
“Are you just pretending?”
He pulls away, laughing deep and full. “I stopped pretending a long time ago, Ind.”
“I…I don’t want this if I’m just a convenience. You know, because I live here.”
Call me insecure, but I spent far too long in a relationship that was convenient and comfortable, and I refuse to do it again.
Eyes searching, they soften as he watches me. “I mean this in the nicest way possible, but Blue, you’re the most inconvenient thing that’s ever happened to me.”
My heart flutters, words sticking in my throat.
“If I was looking for convenience, I wouldn’t have gone years without touching a woman. Waking up and thinking of you, falling asleep and wishing you were there, it’s been distracting, tiresome, and goddamn infuriating, but I wouldn’t give you up for the world.”
I’ve been told beautiful things, lovely and romantic things. But being told I’m inconvenient simply because Ryan acknowledged he couldn’t continue living the lonely life he assumed was destined for him is one of the most romantic things I’ve ever heard.
His lips are back on mine, capturing and taking before they dot along my jaw, my neck, my chest.
“Thank you for listening to me last night,” he murmurs against my skin.
Guilt racks me. “Don’t thank me. I clammed up. You were telling me something incredibly significant, something essential to who you are, and I clammed up.”
He lifts himself, placing his chest on mine, laying on my body with his legs extended off the bed. I make a mental note that he hasn’t bent his right knee and soon, we need to stop so I can get an ice pack on it.
“You were perfect,” he reassures.
“I want you to know, it wasn’t your story that made me freak out. It was the thought that you wanted me gone.”
“I know.”
My thumb flutters over his freckled cheek. “How do you feel after talking about it?”
“Lighter. Like it matters less today.”
It does matter less, in fact, I could argue that it doesn’t matter at all. That just because someone made him believe his value is based on his income or his name and not him as a man, doesn’t make it true. And maybe he’s beginning to see that.
He bends down to kiss the smile off my lips. Mouths molding, our tongues tangle, my hands roam and my legs tighten around his waist. He keeps me still with a hand cupping my cheek while pulling my bottom lip between his teeth.
The way he kisses drives me feral. I couldn’t tell you the last time I made out with someone but rolling around in bed with Ryan Shay has me feeling like a teenage girl who has finally gotten her first kiss.
In some ways, this is a first. I’ve never been seen the way Ryan sees me. I’ve never been appreciated the way his eyes worship me. I’ve never been encouraged to be myself the way Ryan praises me to be.
“What do you want, Blue?” His voice is a low husk, but without pressing more, I know what he’s referring to. Our bodies grinding and writhing into each other know too.
I want him to fuck me. I can feel the bulge of his erection sliding against my leg, looking for friction. I want him inside of me, but more than anything, after last night, I’d rather we move at a pace that makes him realize I’m not her.
“I want you to set the pace.”
He stills, brows furrowing before he drops his head to my chest and kisses me there. His fingers intertwine with mine, pushing my hands above my head and into the mattress as his body rolls against me. He continues down my stomach, placing lingering kisses over my dress, all the while pulling the fabric up.
Ryan’s injured leg is unbent as it hangs off the mattress, using his other to support his weight. Hands hook under my thighs, keeping me steady while also spreading me wider.
“You have no idea, Indy.” Another worshiping kiss on my covered stomach. “The power you have over me.”
My back arches, squirming beneath his body as he lifts my dress up and over my ass.
“All I can think about is seeing you smile and trying to be the reason you are.” This time his warm mouth meets the soft flesh above my panties. “Trying to water those goddamn flowers just enough so I can watch your face light up when you get home.” He bites the edge of my thong, snapping it against my skin. “Making you come just to hear my name dripping from that smart mouth of yours.”
Ryan places a deep kiss on the center of my pussy. A groan rumbles in his throat as he inhales my scent, lingering his face in my slit.
Pushing my hips into him, I can’t help but seek more friction.
“You're soaked, Ind. Does my smart girl like being told how all-consuming she is?”
My thighs tighten around him, unable to use words to articulate just how much I like his doting.
“Words, Indy.”
“Yes,” I breathe out. “I do.”
Not that I want to think about the man before him, but I was with that guy for six years and the only time he ate me out is when I begged him to. Apparently in his mind, a blow job doesn’t require reciprocation. I quickly gave up on asking. He was never very good at it anyway, and I sure as hell never came from his mouth.
Ryan, on the other hand, has his face enthusiastically pressed between my legs, as if he could spend the entire night down there and be happy.
I hope he does.
“Ry, do you like doing that?”
“Do I like eating pussy?” His tongue slides against the length of me, the fabric of my underwear creating a delicious friction against my clit. “What if I told you that every morning we had breakfast together, I thought about throwing you on the kitchen island and making a meal out of you instead? Or that every time you wore one of your pretty dresses, I was dreaming about lifting the hem over my head, falling to my knees, and tasting my roommate’s perfect little cunt.” Sitting up, he peels the corners of my panties down my legs, exhaling an appreciative breath when his attention zeros in on my naked center. “So, sure, you could say I like eating pussy, but that’s not what you’re really asking, is it? Ask me the real question, Blue. You want to know if I like eating yours.”
God, his mouth. Dirty talk does it for me regardless, but coming from Ryan, the man who only speaks when the words are needing to be heard, it hits differently.
“Ask me, Ind.” His mouth hovers over me. “Or would my valedictorian like a hands-on lesson instead?” He places a soft, appreciative kiss on my bare clit. “A mouth-on lesson.”
A whimper creeps up my throat, seeing his head buried between my legs, his full lips shining with my arousal.