“This is still reckless for a multitude of reasons,” she countered. “If someone comes in here—”
“I’d hear them before they did,” I told her. I had my reasons for being under here. Many reasons. One of them was that I wanted her to have at least a handful of minutes where she was just Poppy. Not the Maiden. Minutes where she didn’t have to worry about being caught. I wanted her to be as she was at the Red Pearl, free to experience. To live. “And if someone did, they’d have no idea who we are.”
Poppy leaned back, trying to see my face in the shadows. “Is this why you led me out here to this place?”
“What is this, Princess?”
“To be…inappropriate.”
It hadn’t been at first. Now? Most definitely. I touched her arm. “And why would I do that?”
“Why? I think it’s pretty obvious, Hawke,” she said. “I’m sitting in your lap. I doubt that’s how you normally hold innocent conversations with people.”
“Very rarely is anything I do innocent, Princess.”
“Shocker,” she muttered.
“So, you’re suggesting I led you out here, instead of toward a private room with a bed.” Knowing how touch was so forbidden to her, I exploited that, skimming my fingertips down her right arm. “To engage in a particular type of inappropriate behavior?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying, though my room would’ve been a better option.”
“What if I said that isn’t true?”
“I…” Her exhale teased my jaw as I moved my hand to her hip. “I wouldn’t believe you.”
“Then what if I said it didn’t start off that way?” I moved just my thumb along the soft, rounded flesh there. I spoke the truth. I hadn’t planned on this. Especially not right before I betrayed her. That would make me the kind of bastard that I…well, that I was. “But then there was the moonlight and you, with your hair down, in this dress, and then the idea occurred to me that this would be the perfect location for some wildly inappropriate behavior.”
“Then I…I would say that’s more likely.”
I glided my hand down. “So, there you have it.”
“At least, you’re honest.” She bit her lip as her eyes drifted halfway closed.
“Tell you what,” I said, watching her closely. “I’ll make you a deal.”
“A deal?”
“If I do anything you don’t like…” I drew my hand down her upper thigh, stopping when I felt the dagger beneath the thin panels. Closing my hand over it, I smiled. “I give you permission to stab me.”
“That would be excessive,” she stated.
“I was hoping you’d give me just a measly flesh wound,” I said. “But it’d be worth finding out.”
Her lips curved into a grin. “You are such a bad influence.”
“I think we’ve already established that only the bad can be influenced.”
Poppy’s eyes closed as my fingers slipped off the hilt of her dagger and trailed over the blade. “And I think I already told you that your logic is faulty.”
My heightened senses picked up on how her breath and pulse quickened. I could feel the heated restlessness building inside her.
It was building in me.
“I’m the Maiden, Hawke,” she said, sounding more like she was reminding herself of that fact.
“And I don’t care.”
Her eyes snapped open. “I can’t believe you just said that.”
“I did.” And I fucking meant it, because even with all the lies I’d told, this was the truth. Right now, under this willow, the only thing that mattered was who she was. “And I’ll say it again. I don’t care what you are.” I moved my hand from her back and cupped her cheek. “I care about who you are,” I said, and…fuck, godsdamn Kieran was right. I did care about her.
Her lower lip trembled as the muscle in my jaw flexed. “Why?” she whispered. “Why would you say that?”
I blinked, her question catching me off guard. “Are you seriously asking me that?”
“Yes, I am. It doesn’t make sense.”
“You don’t make sense,” I said.
She punched me in the shoulder, and not that lightly either.
I grunted. “Ouch.”
“You’re fine.”
“I’m bruised,” I teased.
“You’re ridiculous,” she retorted. “And it’s you who makes no sense.”
“I’m the one sitting here being honest.” Which was entirely fucked-up if I thought too long about it. I didn’t plan on doing that because I was sure to pay for it later. “You’re the one hitting me. How do I not make sense?”
“Because this whole thing makes no sense. You could be spending time with anyone, Hawke—any number of people you wouldn’t have to hide in a willow tree to be with.”
That was true. “And yet, I’m here with you. And before you even begin to think it’s because of my duty to you, it’s not. I could’ve just walked you back to your room and stayed out in the hall.”
“That’s my point. It makes no sense. You can have a slew of willing participants in…whatever this is. It would be easy,” she argued. “You can’t have me. I’m…I’m un-have-able.”
I frowned. Unhaveable? “I’m confident that’s not even a word.”
“That’s not the point. I’m not allowed to do this. Any of this. I shouldn’t have done what I did at the Red Pearl,” she went on. “It doesn’t matter if I want—”
“And you do want,” I said, my voice low because it felt like I would send her fleeing if I said it too loudly. “What you want is me.”
“That doesn’t matter,” she said.
That was bullshit. “What you want should always matter.”
A brutal laugh left her. “It doesn’t, and that’s another thing that isn’t the point. You could—”
“I heard you the first time, Princess. You’re right. I could find someone who would be easier.” I traced the edge of her mask, over her cheek. “Ladies or Lords in Wait, who aren’t burdened by rules or limitations, who aren’t Maidens I’m sworn to protect. There are a lot of ways I could occupy my time that don’t include explaining in great detail why I’m choosing to be where I am, with whom I choose.”
Poppy’s nose scrunched.
“The thing is,” I continued, “none of them intrigue me. You do.”
“It’s really that simple for you?” she asked.
No.
Not at all.
Not even here under the willow.
“Nothing is ever simple.” I pressed my forehead to hers. “And when it is, it’s rarely ever worth it.”
“Then why?” she whispered.
My lips quirked. “I’m beginning to believe that’s your favorite question.”
“Maybe. It’s just that…gods, there are a lot of reasons why I don’t understand how you can be this intrigued. You’ve seen me,” she said. I couldn’t have heard her right. “You’ve seen what I look like—”