Poppy’s tongue slipped between my lips, flicking against my teeth.
Fuck.
I jerked away before she could accidentally come across something she didn’t expect. Something that would terrify her.
“Poppy.” Panting, I squeezed my eyes shut as I let my forehead drop to hers. My entire body was primed with want. My dick throbbed.
Her hands spasmed around the strands of my hair. “Yes?”
Struggling to rein in my desire, I said, “That was the fifth time I’ve said your name, in case you’re still keeping track.”
“I am.”
“Good.” I forced my hands out from under her gown before I gave in to the temptation and slipped up. I didn’t want to, but I’d just come way too damn close to taking from her what I did not deserve. I swallowed, unsettled by how quickly I’d gotten swept up in her.
Letting out a ragged breath, I palmed her cheek, the tip of my finger finding her mask. I traced it. “I don’t think I was being honest a few moments ago.”
“About what?” Poppy lowered her hands to my shoulders.
“About stopping,” I admitted. “I would stop, but I don’t think you would stop me.”
“I’m not exactly understanding what you’re saying.”
I opened my eyes. “Do you want me to be blunt?”
“I always want you to be honest.”
Guilt festered like an old, nasty wound, but I could be honest with her in this as I kissed her temple. “I was seconds from taking you to the ground and becoming a very, very bad guard.”
Her chest rose sharply against mine, and her scent flooded me. “Really?”
“Really,” I told her.
“I don’t think I would’ve stopped you,” she whispered.
I moaned. “You’re not helping.”
“I’m a bad Maiden.”
“No.” I kissed the other temple. “You’re a perfectly normal girl. What is expected of you is what’s bad.” I thought that over. “And, yes, you’re also a very bad Maiden.”
Poppy then did what I’d wanted from her at the start of this misadventure.
She laughed.
And it was a real, deep one. Her head tipped back, and she laughed loudly, the sound traveling through me.
Good gods.
My arms folded around her as I brought her back to my chest. I closed my eyes again, guiding her cheek to my shoulder as I fought the renewed desire to do what we both wanted: Take her to the ground. Fuck her until neither of us knew who we were. And she’d been telling the truth. Poppy wouldn’t stop me. She would’ve welcomed me into her. And I knew she wouldn’t have regretted it.
Until later.
Later, she would regret every moment spent with me.
Kissing the top of her head, I pressed my cheek to the soft strands of her hair. I needed to get her back, safely tucked away in her chamber. Things would be happening soon, or perhaps they’d already started, which meant Kieran had to be close.
“I need to get you back, Princess.”
Poppy’s grip tightened on me. “I know.”
I chuckled. “You have to let me go, though.”
“I know.” She sighed, remaining where she was. “I don’t want to.”
I held her to me, likely a little too tight. A bit too long. But I was reluctant to let go of her warmth and weight because the feel of her in my arms like this, relaxed and trusting, elicited an array of emotions that came at me fast and hard. I couldn’t describe most of them.
Except for one.
A feeling of rightness.
As if pieces fell where they were supposed to be and clicked together. I knew it sounded fantastical and made little sense, but it left me unsettled.
“Neither do I,” I admitted, then I shut it all down. I was good at doing that. Just like I did when the memories became too harsh and dark. It was like separating myself into two people. There was Cas. Then there was this, the one that had control.
I stood, gently lifting Poppy to her feet, but we were still holding on to each other, our bodies pressed tightly together. Maybe I wasn’t all that in control.
Poppy was the one to step back. Chest oddly hollow, I grabbed her hand. My hold on her was gentle as was my tone when I spoke, but inside? Man, anger and frustration built. “Ready?” I asked.
“Yes,” she whispered.
I led her out from under the willow in silence, taking us back to the lamplit walkway. The garden was quiet but for the wind rattling the stems and branches. We neared the fountain when a familiar scent reached me—
Vikter.
Fuck.
That was all I could think.
Fuck.
Kieran was ready. He was here. I needed to take her, but I’d stayed too long beneath the willow and now…now Vikter was an obstacle I’d have to go through, and I was about to erase the good memory of the garden I’d just given Poppy, replacing it with one even more horrifying than what had happened with Keal.
Every part of my being rebelled. I couldn’t do it even though I’d snapped one Royal Guard’s neck tonight. I’d done much worse to the Duke, but I couldn’t take out Vikter in front of her.
Fuck.
My thoughts quickly raced. This wasn’t a big deal. Just a slight change in plans. I would have to take her later tonight—make use of that servants’ door.
We rounded another corner, and Poppy jerked back a step as we came upon a maskless Vikter. My grip on her hand tightened as I turned to catch her, but she’d regained her footing.
“Oh, my gods,” she whispered. “You about gave me a heart attack.”
Vikter’s hard gaze flicked from her to me. His nostrils flared as he looked down to where I still held Poppy’s hand.
I probably should’ve let go, but I didn’t. Couldn’t fucking explain why as Vikter lifted his glare to my face.
Poppy tugged on my grip, and not breaking eye contact with the man, I held on for a moment more before letting go.
“It’s time to go back to your room, Maiden,” Vikter growled, facing Poppy.
She winced.
Fuck. I didn’t like that. “I was in the process of escorting Penellaphe back to her room.”
Vikter’s head whipped in my direction. “I know exactly what you were in the process of doing.”
“Doubtful,” I murmured, purposefully stoking Vikter’s ire.
“You think I don’t know?” Vikter came level with me. “It only takes one look at both of you to know.”
He was probably right. “Nothing happened, Vikter.”
“Nothing?” Vikter snarled. “Boy, I may have been born at night, but I wasn’t born last night.”
“Thanks for pointing out the obvious, but you’re stepping way over the line.”
“I am?” Vikter choked out a laugh. “Do you understand what she is? Do you even understand what you could’ve caused if anyone other than I had come upon you two?”
Poppy moved toward him. “Vikter—”
“I know exactly who she is,” I cut in. “Not what she is. Maybe you’ve forgotten that she’s not just a godsdamn inanimate object whose only purpose is to serve a kingdom, but I haven’t.”
“Hawke.” She spun.
“Oh, yeah, that’s rich, coming from you. How do you see her, Hawke?” Vikter was so godsdamn close, only a gnat could get between us. “Another notch in your bedpost?”