But it’s not my business. That’s not what we’re here for. He’s my teacher, and I’m a student with questions.
“Dammit,” I say as I cringe. “I don’t have condoms.”
Finn bites his bottom lip. “Dex does. Third drawer of his nightstand.”
I close my eyes so Finn doesn’t see me roll them. And why the hell is he having so much sex at his friend’s house anyway?
“But we may not need them. Are you on birth control?”
Of all things to wind me, of all moments…why now? Don’t cry. Don’t you dare cry.
“Yep,” I squeak.
But my stupid eyes give me away. Finn won’t move on from the subject when he sees me tearing up. “Why are you upset? We can use a condom if that makes you more comfortable. I just know you’re not the fuck around type and I got tested a while back. I’m clean, and I haven’t been with anyone since.”
“Okay,” I say, trying to push the intrusive thoughts away from my mind. “That’s fine.”
The truth is when I found Mason’s engagement ring in the closet, I made an appointment with my gynecologist about family planning. They were booked out for six months, but I figured it was perfect timing. Within six months, surely Mason would’ve proposed.
I’m thirty. I want kids and I already feel a little late to planning. I figured Mason and I would have a brief engagement and would want children shortly after we got married. I made an appointment to have my IUD removed. An appointment that I missed last week because I’m not in California, I’m not engaged, and I’m about to have sex with a man I’ve known for about a week for the sole purpose of understanding what I’m doing wrong in the bedroom. I would’ve never guessed this is where I’d be when I booked that damn appointment.
“Talk to me,” Finn says. “What’s on your mind?” He finds my eyes and cocks his head to the side.
Relaxing my eyelids, I press my fingers to my temples. “I need to think a little less, Finn. I just want to feel. Can you kiss me now?”
His lips are on mine before I can open my eyes again. All suspicions confirmed, Finn tastes like…
Man. Fresh. Breath. Air. Flesh.
I can’t cohesively describe it. He kisses with intention, his tongue massaging mine. His bottom lip is tucked between both of mine until he decides it’s not deep enough. He tilts his head and claims my mouth, but eventually his craving grows, my lips unable to satiate him…
He moves down my neck while toying with the knot of my bikini top. “Avery,” he whispers, “you taste so sweet.” He uses his teeth to tug on my earlobe gently. “I am going to make you feel so fucking good. Tell me where you want my lips.”
“Wherever you want.”
He stills and steps backward. I immediately shudder, missing his warmth. Finn turns to adjust the giant mirror. His biceps and forearms tense as he angles the heavy mirror and frame, accentuating the images on his tatted arm. Taking the opportunity to thoroughly inspect his sleeve, I realize how much more intricate his tattoo is than just the ghost ship. There’s what I can only assume is a kraken tattooed on the back of his arm, dancing across his tricep. Below the crook of his elbow, a cluster of mermaids or sirens look out at the dark sea. I think this whole design is meant to look angry…intimidating perhaps…but right now, to me, it only looks hot.
I want to be pinned down, those pictures pressed against my skin as Finn makes a puddle out of me. Except for some reason, he’s stalling.
I’m now on display, right in the middle of the mirror. I expect him to return to me so I can wrap my legs around him and continue our make-out session, but Finn grabs a rolling stool from the corner of the closet and positions himself between my legs. He sits down slowly, his eyes locked between my legs. Eye level with the apex of my thighs, he has to tilt his head upward to meet my eyes.
“Your first lesson,” he says with a wicked smile on his face.
Oh, for a moment, I forgot why we’re doing this. He’s not just here for pleasure. He’s here to teach. “Is?”
“Dirty talk.”
The corners of my lips turn down and I watch my pout in the mirror. I don’t want to talk dirty at the moment. What I really want is to turn the lights off and let Finn climb on top of me. I just want to feel safe underneath his body, where I know he can’t see any part of me jiggling around. Except that’s exactly what I said I was bored of. I’m here to push my comfort level, and Finn is here to hold my hand through it.
“Dirty talk is not my strong suit.”
“Do you know why?” His startling baby blue eyes are dancing with entertainment. I think it turns him on when I blush.
“Um, I don’t watch a ton of porn…like some. Not a lot. So I don’t know what they say. I’m not really vocal during sex.”
His smile grows. “First of all, I’m going to make you vocal during sex. I’m going to have you screaming when you come. Trust me.”
My stomach clenches and I instantly feel the swell between my legs.
“Second of all, you don’t need to watch porn to learn this. Too much and it desensitizes you. You already know what to say but you won’t let yourself say it because it’s embarrassing. Dirty talk is just asking for exactly what you want.” Finn places both of his hands on my knees and trails his hands up my thighs. “So when I ask you where you want my lips, why don’t you go ahead and tell me the truth?”
“My…” Fuck. Why is this so hard? “My neck,” I say. “I like when you kiss me there.”
Finn shakes his head. “No, baby, that’s a lie. That’s not where you want them. You want me to eat your pussy like I’m starving, don’t you?” He pushes my thighs apart and strokes his thumb against my swimsuit bottoms, knowing exactly where my clit is without seeing it. “I bet you’re so fucking wet for me right now my tongue could go swimming, sweet girl.”
My heartbeat turns into aggressive flutters; it vibrates like a hummingbird’s wings. I love the way he’s stroking me, teasing me. Everything Finn does lights me on fire in the right way.
This hellish heat… Oh.
I want to burn.
I like when he talks to me like that in the sanctity of this closet. When we’re in private, just Finn and me, I want to tell him what I want.
His eyes don’t leave mine as he picks up the pace and rubs rapid circles around my swelling clit. Oh God. I’m going to come from his thumb. This is seriously about to happen. I know it because my thighs are tensing and I have the urge to let my eyes roll into the back of my head.
“Is this how you want to come?” Finn asks. “Because if there’s something else you want”—he smiles wickedly at me—“tell me. You’re safe with me and what you want me to do, believe me, baby, I really want to do it too.” He leans forward and plants a wet kiss above my knee. “Just say it.”
“I…um…”
“Say it,” he growls.
“I don’t want to.”
“Why?”
“Because Mason hated it. Every time I asked, he came up with an excuse. The rejection hurt. It made me feel gross and humiliated, and now I just can’t stand the idea of bringing it up.”