“Which part? When we traumatized the fish or when you finished on my face?”
Finn laughs. “I’m not worried about the fish. The latter… I won’t do it again if it bothers you.” He taps my nose.
“It doesn’t bother me.” At all. I like thinking that Finn wants to be kinky with me. Maybe he can get something worthwhile out of this part of the deal too.
Finished cleaning me up, Finn balls the paper towel in his fist, but he doesn’t rise. His eyes turn down, a touch of sadness coating them as he scours my face. “It’s such a shame.”
“What is?”
“How he treated you.”
“Mason?” I ask and Finn nods in response. “He honestly wasn’t bad to me until he broke up—”
“Yes,” Finn interrupts, an angry edge in his voice. “Yes, he was an idiot. Lesson number…whatever number we’re on. Don’t ever forgive him for being in the presence of royalty and refusing to bow. You’re sexy, smart, kind, and loyal. You should be earned every day of your life. Don’t ever let any man make you question that.”
I inhale, my chest rising. I hold my breath for a moment before I release it. “You’re supposed to be giving me sex advice. Not advice on matters of the heart.”
Finn stands, then cups his hands underneath my elbows, helping me to my feet. “They’re one and the same. For a girl like you, Avery, sex and matters of the heart are one and the same.”
I’m honestly not sure if his words are a compliment or a warning, but either way, I’m two skips past uncomfortable. All I want to do is curl into bed, Finn by my side. I can visualize waking up together to coffee and leftover tiramisu for breakfast. I am picturing all sorts of scenarios that are not just gratuitous sex and I need to stop before I cross a line I can’t come back from.
Finn is pulling on his briefs, when he says, “I need to lock up my house and set the security alarm, then I’ll come back. Why don’t you take a hot shower and I’ll meet you in bed in a bit?”
That sounds amazing. Too amazing. “I think you should sleep at your place.”
He raises his brows at me. “I don’t mind staying. I wasn’t going to fuck you and leave.”
“I know, I know.” I cross my arms around my bare chest, feeling a little self-conscious again. “You’re a good guy, Finn. Believe me, I get it.” I wink at him to try and lighten the mood. There’s no way I can tell him that if he sleeps over, if he keeps taking me to dinner, if he keeps telling me all the ways he thinks I’m wonderful, and how it’s not my fault Mason fell short…I’m going to fall in love with this man. It’s going to hurt like hell when he doesn’t fall in love with me back. “But this is the first time I’ve been single in almost half a decade. I am enjoying sleeping alone again. I need space.”
“Oh, okay.” He crosses the space between us and kisses my forehead, easily believing my lie. “Yeah, I understand. I liked sleeping alone when Nora and I broke up too. For a while, anyway. Just let me know if that ever changes.” He pulls on his pants but doesn’t fasten his belt. He drapes his shirt over his back and pushes his arms through the sleeves, but he doesn’t button it up. Finn leaves Dex’s house looking like the quintessential male version of a walk of shame.
I wish him a good night, promising him I’ll let him know if I change my mind and want him to come back. It’s the first time I’ve had sex with a new man in a very long time. Finn’s doubting my ability to process this in the moment. He leaves me his number, convinced I might change my mind in the middle of the night.
And I think I have. But I won’t say it.
I should be crying over Mason, not swooning over Finn. I should be in California dealing with my problems, not living in this fantasy I somehow looped Finn into. I should be more worried about my business and Legacy Resorts, and probably shouldn’t be having amazing sex on my favorite client’s couch.
But Finn’s right.
My mind is changing. I’m changing. After getting a taste of how I should be treated, I’m no longer going to settle for seeing myself as undeserving. It’s time to ask for what I want and demand what I need.
I’m turning it around. Starting right now.
Thirty will indeed be my golden fucking year after all.
18
Finn
I reach across my nightstand and flip over my phone to check the time and my nonexistent missed calls. One fifteen in the morning. Well, shit. I wildly misjudged that. I really thought she’d call. I left Avery my number but didn’t grab hers.
Best sex of my life.
And I didn’t grab her number.
And plus, I’m her…what? Sex coach? Friend? Client? All of the above. I’m also the guy who’s more into this arrangement than I should be.
It’s simple really. Avery is open about her insecurities and asks questions because yes, maybe she trusts my so-called expertise in the bedroom, but she’s also very clearly written me off. She can’t fathom that I’d want her when it comes to a real relationship. She’s dead wrong. Would I spook her if I told her that I’d never been that hard during sex before and I really wanted to stay the night? I left like it was nothing, but it fucking bothered me. Would she snap closed like a bear trap if I told her I really like her and she’s sort of restoring my faith in genuine connections?
Here’s the problem—I like Avery because we can talk. I would bet the last dollar in my pocket that if I told her I was legitimately into her, she’d turn into the rest of them. Overcompensating, paranoid, defensive, and possessive. It happens every single time. What I have with Avery is perfect because it’s riskless. All reward… Okay, mostly reward. We should be in the same bed right now. That’s the next lesson I’m going to teach her. After great sex, you fall asleep next to each other, then wake up at one fifteen in the morning and do it again—
Buzz. Buzz.
Well, speak of the damn devil. My phone subtly vibrates and my prayers are answered. A little later than I expected, but hell, I’ll take whatever Avery’s willing to give at this point.
Looking at my screen, I see it’s an unsaved number, an area code I don’t recognize.
“Hey, you,” I answer with a wide smile on my face. “Change your mind?”
“Finn?”
I nearly choke when I hear the voice on the other end of the line. Shooting up in bed, I pull the sheet over my lap, trying to cover up like I got caught naked. This seems to be my default around Nora. I’ve done nothing wrong, but I’m always jumpy. “Nora?”
“Change my mind about what?”
I suck in a slow breath. I could hang up. I should just fucking hang up. But I loved this woman for years. Never once in all that time did I treat her poorly. When I ended things, I asked her for civility. Maybe I shouldn’t provoke her. “Nothing, I thought you were someone else. Did you get a new number?”
“Yeah. I’m on Morgan’s plan. Who’s calling you in the middle of the night, Finn?” Her tone grows cool and my jaw twitches with agitation.
It’s not your business who’s calling me at any time of the day or night.