My heart sinks to my toes. He’s done this so much that he has a preference?
Cass tries to kiss me again and this time I lean back. “Cass, I’m sorry. I’ve never done this before. I’m…I don’t…”
“Wait.” Her jaw drops. “You and Finn don’t share? I thought you guys were…”
“We’re dating, sort of. I’m not…we don’t do that…”
“Oh fuck. Avery, I thought that’s why he brought you to my birthday party. We do this every year.”
If my eyes get any wider, they are going to pop out of the sockets. She covers her mouth when she sees my expression. “Shit. You didn’t know?”
There’s a lot I didn’t know until tonight. “So let me get this straight. Every year at your birthday party, you, Finn, and another woman have sex in the champagne room?”
She chuckles nervously as she shrugs her shoulders and cringes. “It’s a tradition?” Now she outright laughs. “Oh, I misjudged this so hard. Finn usually has a type, so I just assumed—”
“A type?”
“Oh, not looks-wise or anything like that. It’s just the girls he’s with are usually adventurous. But look, it makes total sense. Of course, after Nora, he’d want a simple, nice girl. I’m sure he’s more than content with the two of you. I did not mean to offend you.”
Content. There’s that fucking word again.
I’m on information overload and it’s not a good time for me to be making decisions. But I’ve already had one man leave me because I’m boring in the sack…
I grab Cass by her shoulders and pull her back to my lips a little too aggressively so our mouths collide but so do our noses. It’s a clumsy mess and I pull away before I hang my head in shame.
“Sorry, I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Hey,” she says softly. “You shouldn’t feel pressured. You don’t have to do anything. Do you actually want to try this?”
I nod sheepishly, feeling out of my body. What the fuck are you doing, Avery?
Shut up, brain. I’m trying. I said this summer was about taking risks and exploring myself and my body. So that’s what I’m doing.
Cass rubs my back sweetly. “Well, first thing to remember is that the way you and Finn have sex is very different from this, okay? You save all the emotional connection for just you guys. This is just physical. So just do what feels good, okay? Safe space.”
She tucks my hair behind my ear again. “In my experience, this is a little easier the first time if you close your eyes.”
My heart is knocking hard, and I know it’s from excitement, but it’s not the right kind of excitement. The first time Finn stripped me down in front of the mirror, I was terrified, nervous, but so excited because what was on the other side was something I desperately wanted. I wanted to rip the Band-Aid off. I wanted to know what it’d be like for him to see me. I wanted to see me too and like what I saw in the mirror.
But this? This feels like getting a tattoo of something I’m not sure of. I’m going to endure the pain of the needle, and then the end result will mark me forever. What’s my motivation? I can’t give Finn what he wants. I can’t move here right now. Maybe in a year or so, when Palmer’s on her feet? But maybe this…
Maybe if I do this it can hold him over.
To want to keep me.
I clamp my eyes shut and blow out a deep breath. “Go ahead, I’m ready.”
Her lips interweave with mine. Okay, it’s not terrible. Actually, it’s nice. Her lips are soft. Her hand on my back is small and smooth. It’s exhilarating at least because the sensation is different. I kiss back and am alarmed at how natural this feels. I’ve never kissed another woman, but Cass seems to know what she’s doing. She waits until she feels me relax then slides her tongue into my mouth.
Again, soft…smooth…smaller than Finn’s. The kissing is okay, but I clam up when I think about where else she’s going to want to put her tongue.
Oh, shit. I don’t know if I can do this.
“Avery,” Cass says lowly but firmly as she grabs my left breast and gently squeezes. “No offense to Nora, but you are honestly the most delicious woman Finn has ever been with.”
Uh-oh. This woman is smart. She’s playing right into my praise kink. The flutter in my chest begins to change. Apprehension dips slightly toward excitement.
“You are such a fucking woman. I’m obsessed. And I’m really excited to be your first.” Cass switches to my right breast and slips her hand under the cup, finding my hard nipple. “Lie back, hon.”
It’s right as my head hits the sofa cushion that I hear the door creak open.
“What the fuck is going on?”
Oh no.
Finn’s tone can only be described as shock and anger.
35
Finn
I should’ve broken that fucker’s jaw. I wanted to so bad. But what stopped me was the look on Avery’s face as Cass pulled her away. She wasn’t squeamish or scared. Instead, she was inquisitive. She was studying me, waiting to see what kind of man I was.
Even when she was out of sight and Morgan was on his feet again, trying to provoke me, all I could think about was Avery watching me succumb to past hurts. Hurts I’m healing from, because of her. I’m tired of fighting the past. I just want to focus on the future.
So I walked away.
I searched for her everywhere. I even had someone go into the women’s restroom and call out Avery’s name, but nothing. It finally dawned on me where Cass might take her—she’s high and horny and has a one-track mind. I thought I made it clear that Avery and I weren’t into that.
Or are we?
When I opened the door to the champagne room, all I saw was Cass, on top of my girl, her tongue down her throat, and her hand on Avery’s tit. Maybe I should be aroused, but at the moment, I’m just kind of pissed.
“What the fuck is going on?” I ask.
“What the fuck do you think is going on?” Cass snarks back at me. “Watch your tone, Finn, or you won’t be invited,” she says as she climbs off Avery and proceeds to tinker with the fog machine in the corner of the room. This is how Cass likes to fuck. In a hallucinogenic hippie’s dream. I hate that damn machine. It makes it impossible to see anything.
“Are you okay?” I ask Avery and she nods. Outside of looking startled by my entrance, she seems fine. I think.
“Is Morgan on a stretcher in the back of an ambulance?” Cass asks over her shoulder. I notice Avery’s eyes dart to my knuckles. They’re still red from one good lick on that piece of shit.
“Security showed him out. I didn’t hit him again.”
“That’s a shame,” Cass mutters.
I take a seat next to Avery and she scooches to her right to make room for me. I yank her right back into my chest territorially. Kissing the side of her head, I ask her, “What’re you doing in here? Are you seriously trying to hook up with Cass?”
Avery chuckles nervously. “She said it’s her birthday tradition, so I figured—why not?”
I grunt in irritation. “It’s not a tradition. Her libido just goes into hyperdrive on her birthday.”