“All right, Mom, I need to go so I can get Kayden settled before I leave.” I basically choked it.
God, what was happening to me?
I could almost see her frowning from across the line. “Is Ryder sure he wants to watch him tonight? You know I don’t mind having him here.”
My stomach twisted, and I was answering quietly, still trapped under the weight of that glinty, silvered gaze. “He said there was no reason for me to drag him over there since it’s already close to Kayden’s bedtime, and he’s going to be here anyway.”
“Okay, then. Just let him know I’m here if he needs anything.”
“I will. I’ll see you when I drop Kayden off in the morning.”
“You have extra fun tonight.” There was no missing the teasing suggestion in her voice.
“Eww, Mom.”
She cracked up like it was hysterical.
“Seriously, go and relax and enjoy yourself.”
“I will. Love you.”
I ended the call, and that same, unsure, anxious energy that had rained for the last two days began to pour down.
A torrent.
I cleared my throat and lifted the sippy cup I’d filled, hoping to distract from the strain that pulled between us. “Here’s Kayden’s sippy cup.” I walked to the fridge and put it inside as I gave instructions, “He’s already eaten so he should be good. He can drink that on the couch while you read him a story, but then he needs to brush his teeth after. He’s going to try to convince you to refill it and let him take it into his crib, but don’t let him swindle you into that.”
There was no stopping the soft tug of affection when I said it.
There was no stopping the one that pulled at Ryder, either.
“Who knew a tiny tot could be such a manipulator. Kid has mad skills.”
“Be careful not to let him use them on you.” Why did my voice have to come out so shaky and hushed?
“I’ve got it, Dakota. You don’t have to worry about him with me.”
It wasn’t like he’d never watched him before, on the nights when there’d been an issue at the café and I’d needed someone to watch him for a little while. That and the couple times I’d gone out with Paisley and the rest of our friends, and he’d offered to stay with him so I could have a night of fun.
Claiming that he didn’t get to spend enough time with my son.
That was the thing about Ryder. He was always giving. So caring. Willing to drop whatever he was doing to help out when I needed it.
But tonight, it felt different. It wasn’t close to being easy the way it used to be.
No, not when Ryder’s eyes kept tracking over my dress, and my breaths had turned thin and shallow.
“I know. It’s just…weird leaving him like this,” I admitted.
“Is this what you want? To leave him like this? Do you want to go on this date?” It felt like a challenge.
A frown curled my brow, and a bit of that old anger and rejection rose to the surface. “Isn’t it what I should do, Ryder? Move on with my life? Find someone to love me because I’ve been aching to love someone for a long, long time. You told me I deserved it.”
Then a few hours later he’d been texting me asking me if I’d liked watching him fuck his hand before he’d told me to lock my door.
But he hadn’t come, had he?
I had no way to make any sense of him. Of what he wanted. And I was finished letting these unfulfilled emotions master me.
Still, I hated the way my response had come out sounding like a plea. It felt a little too close to the way I’d opened myself to him once before, and I snapped my chin up like it could cover me in a hedge of protection.
A barricade around my heart that had sustained a crack Monday night.
I needed to reinforce it.
“You do deserve it, Dakota.”
He pushed from where he leaned against the jamb.
That big, towering body slowly crossed the room.
The air vibrated when he approached.
Oxygen changing colors.
Vapors of blues and blacks and pinks.
Trembles rolled through me the closer he got. His face that was cut in all those severe angles was soft and intent and somehow razor sharp.
Everything about him at odds.
He reached out and touched my cheek.
His brutal hands so gentle that I whimpered.
I didn’t mean to.
But when he touched me like this…？
“You deserve everything. Had once thought I’d be the one to give it to you.”
What?
Confusion slammed me, bewilderment and distress, and my heart squeezed with the power of it.