A ragged breath left me when he suddenly went back to the stove. “Shouldn’t be, I don’t have a right to be, but it’s the truth.”
I wanted to argue with him.
Press him.
Ask him why he thought he didn’t deserve me.
Instead, I gave him a shaky nod and glanced at Kayden. “It has been a long day. I think I’ll go upstairs and get changed. Do you mind if I leave him down here for a few minutes?”
I needed a breath. A moment to clear my head. He was so much, and I felt like I was being hauled one direction before I was being pushed in the other.
“You don’t have to ask, Dakota.”
“But he’s my child. My responsibility.”
When I said it, his jaw clenched. A flash of anger that shifted into determination. His voice grated as he dumped the sliced chicken into the skillet. “That doesn’t mean you can’t rely on me.”
And I did. Probably too much. “I have relied on you, Ryder. For so long. It makes me feel like I’ve taken advantage. I almost have the money—” I started to rush, only the words clipped off when he suddenly moved.
In front of me so fast I nearly fell on my butt.
He got angry every time I mentioned it, but it needed to be addressed.
He gripped me by both sides of the face. Ferocity blazed from his hold, but in it was this trembling softness that reached down to touch my spirit that made me want to dig my fingers into him and never let go. He dropped his forehead to mine. “You think I give a fuck about that money, Dakota? That I want it back?”
I shifted so I was looking into his eyes, blinking through the disorder and the hammering that thundered from my heart. “Then what do you want?”
I needed to know. I had no idea where we stood or what any of this meant.
A ragged sigh rolled up his throat, and his entire body vibrated, rolling with uncertainty, before he peeled himself away and took a step back, his thick throat bobbing when he swallowed. “Go upstairs and change. Dinner will be ready in five.”
I blinked.
Caught in the whirlwind.
No clue where it was going to spit me out.
“Are you sure I can’t help with the dishes?” I asked as I placed Kayden’s bowl and sippy cup into the sink.
“Nah, I have them. Get that one a bath and I’ll handle this.”
I’d have thought things might have been awkward between us when I’d gone up and changed and come back down, but no, Ryder had shifted into that same role he’d stood in for years.
My friend.
Easy and light.
Casual and teasing.
There was a flirtiness to it that hadn’t existed before, though, or maybe there had always been, and I’d just been too fearful to see it for what it was.
But we’d both sank into it.
Enjoying the meal which really was delicious.
Now, I hesitated, and he lifted his brows as he rinsed our plates under the faucet. “And don’t you start about me doing too much. Not unless you want me to take you over my knee for complaining.”
He tried to hide his smirk when a blast of red jumped to my cheeks.
“You’re awful bossy, Ryder Nash.” The taunt was my attempt at distracting him.
Only that redness flamed when he warned, “You don’t know bossy, Dakota. Now go before I make good on it.”
Shivers rolled.
Excitement at the prospect.
I bit down on my lip to tame it, and I snatched Kayden out of his highchair and hurried upstairs before I stuck around to tempt him into showing me what that might be like.
I was treading into dangerous territory. I knew it. The way he kept getting close then pushing me away promised that. But I was having a hard time convincing myself to care.
Self-preservation didn’t seem to exist under Ryder’s roof.
“I take a bath?” Kayden asked as I carried him into the bathroom. I went right to the bathtub and turned on the faucet to heat it.
“Yep, you have to take a bath to get you all cleaned up after you played all day then ate up your dinner.”
“Big boys eat lots,” he told me, his little hand clinging to my pajama shirt to keep steady as I leaned over the side of the tub with him still in my arms.
“And just how big do you think you’re going to be?” I asked him, tenderness in my voice.
“Dis tall.” He threw his free hand into the air, reaching for the ceiling.
I feigned shock. “That tall? I think that’s way too big. How am I supposed to carry you around if you get that big?”
Kayden giggled. “I carry Mommy.”