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The Life She Wanted: A Novel(11)

Author:Anita Abriel

Archie was nowhere in sight; he had probably grown bored with Owen’s lengthy speech and gone inside before Owen proposed. If only Virginia were there, she would have made some kind of dry comment that would force Pandora to keep breathing.

She ducked into the house and walked through the kitchen to the pantry. The pantry at Riverview was often her refuge. She found something soothing about hiding away in the neat rows of jars and spices. But here, seeing the English marmalade that only this morning she had imagined serving at her own dining table with Owen, the pain became unbearable.

The full force of Owen’s betrayal washed over her. Owen’s words by the river had meant nothing. In the fall she’d have to start secretarial school. She and Owen would never live on a grand estate together, with children and dogs romping on the lawn.

More important than anything, she loved Owen and had been confident that he felt the same. Last Christmas he gave Pandora a bottle of No. 4711 eau de cologne. He had brought gifts for Virginia and Archie too, but Pandora’s gift was special: No. 4711 eau de cologne was her favorite scent in the world. She always stopped to smell the sample bottle at the pharmacy in Hyde Park.

At Easter, Owen had sat with his family in the church pew in front of her. He glanced back so many times, Pandora became embarrassed. Six weeks ago, when Princeton let out for the summer, he greeted her by picking her up and twirling her around. Archie laughed that Owen greeted the Winthrops’ poodle in the same way, but Pandora ignored him. Then there had been the walk to the river, when Owen said he wanted to get to know her better. Pandora had been so sure of his intentions. She had believed he was in love with her.

She had been wrong. Owen didn’t have feelings for her. He thought of her as his tennis partner, and as part of the household staff at Riverview. Not as someone who could fit into his world, someone he might marry. The worst part was that she’d let herself fall in love with him. How could she have developed feelings for someone when he didn’t feel the same?

Owen was the first person besides the Van Luyens and her father who had paid attention to her. Pandora had mistaken that for love.

A few tears spilled onto her blouse. Pandora brushed them away.

She couldn’t go back to the party and watch Lillian fawning all over Owen. Celebrating the fireworks with the other guests was out of the question. She needed to find a chauffeur who would take her back to Riverview. Virginia could make Pandora’s excuses when she returned from Byrdcliffe and bring her suitcase home in the morning.

Pandora ducked out the kitchen door and ran out to the driveway. Daniel, the Van Luyens’ chauffeur, lounged against a late-model black sedan. Maude and Robert Van Luyen were spending the night at Rosecliff, the car wouldn’t be missed if it was gone for an hour.

She explained to Daniel that she had a terrible headache, and he offered to drive her to Riverview. She had never ridden in the Van Luyens’ car. Despite her distress, she couldn’t help but marvel at the supple red leather upholstery on the seats and the bird’s-eye maple dashboard.

Pandora sighed in relief when the car pulled into the gates of Riverview. They passed the paddock where Robert Van Luyen kept his horses, the pond where Archie liked to fish, and the greenhouse where Esther grew vegetables.

Riverview was built in a different style from Rosecliff, but it was just as imposing. It was Georgian style with a red brick colonial facade and lush ivy climbing the walls. When they were young, Pandora and Virginia and Archie used to play hide-and-go-seek in the forecourt. Once, Archie had climbed up the ivy and slipped in through an upstairs window, and it had taken Pandora and Virginia ages to find him.

Pandora thanked Daniel and stepped out of the car. The lights were off in the main house. Esther had the night off, and Pandora’s father was probably relaxing in the cottage.

She wasn’t ready to face him. Willie would be shocked to see Pandora. He wasn’t expecting her to come home until tomorrow morning.

Pandora sat on a stone bench near the garage. The dress she had picked out for the treasure hunt, yellow tulle with a sheer overlay and tiered skirt, bunched at her waist.

She remembered when she arrived at Riverview as a child and felt so happy and accepted. She and Archie started a tradition of collecting leaves in the fall. Archie found an old shoe box, and every year they’d write a wish on the best leaves and deposit them in the box. The first year, Pandora wished that her mother would return, and Archie wished for a new puppy so his dog, Speckles, had a friend. Another year, Pandora wished that her father’s shoulder would stop hurting, and that she’d get a new hairbrush for Christmas. Archie wished not to have to wear suspenders to church and to be the fastest runner in his class. They only stopped collecting leaves when Archie turned eighteen and Virginia teased him about their childish fun.

She often thought she’d pass the tradition on to her children—children she’d hoped to have with Owen. But that wouldn’t happen now.

And there would be no more house parties, no more festive tea dresses sewn on Esther’s sewing machine, no more discussions with Virginia about what colors best suited Pandora’s fair hair and blue eyes. On Monday, she would have to go to the bank and withdraw the money her father set aside for secretarial school.

The Van Luyens’ striped tabby cat, Thomas, jumped into her lap. She stroked his fur meditatively. She thought about what Lillian had said about people being born to be who they are and that there was nothing anyone could do about it. But what if Pandora had been born to live in a grand estate, to have a family she cherished and a career she was passionate about?

First, she had lost her mother, and now she had lost Owen. She couldn’t keep losing the things she loved. Somehow she had to find a way to achieve everything she dreamed of.

Chapter Four

July 1926, Hyde Park, New York

Pandora spent Sunday afternoon helping Esther in the kitchen. She was almost grateful to have work to do. It kept her from going over the previous days’ events in her mind.

Everything about the Winthrops’ house party had been humiliating. She was ashamed she’d left without thanking her hostess. But the thought of facing Mabel Winthrop while she twittered on about Owen and Lillian being the perfect couple had been too painful to contemplate.

Pandora told everyone at Riverview that she’d had a wonderful time. Her father wanted to hear about the tennis matches, and Esther was interested in the fruit compote they served with dinner, and Mary, the maid, wanted to know if the Winthrops’ maids really had to change the guest room sheets twice a day.

But when she was alone in her room, she couldn’t contain her disappointment. Everything that she had looked forward to—a glorious summer of parties and dances with Owen, the anticipation of their first kiss, Owen declaring his love for her—had disappeared before her eyes.

She had been so sure Owen would propose before he returned to Princeton. Instead of moving to New York to start secretarial school, she’d hoped she’d spend the fall at Riverview, planning their wedding and creating designs for her boutique. She had dreamed of a ceremony at the church in Hyde Park followed by a grand reception at Rosecliff. Her father would walk her down the aisle, looking dashing in a top hat and tails. At the reception he would give a speech. Pandora would sit at the head table, dazzling in a white gown, surrounded by the people she loved, and bursting with happiness.

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