My chest aches because I know those pieces aren’t enough on their own.
“Are you seeing someone?”
A vise wraps around my neck. Mark must’ve mentioned something to him.
“Yes,” I say. “No. I don’t know.”
“Tyler—”
“Look, Dad. I appreciate all the concern and I understand where you’re coming from. I even see your point. I don’t disagree with you, but I need to survive this EnduraFuel event first. Can you let me do that? My bandwidth is fully maxed. I can’t take on anything additional, even if it’s supposed to help me in the long run. Let me focus on the invitational, and I promise you we can figure out this work-life balance and mental health stuff later.”
My father studies me. “It’s a deal, but we’re not dropping this.”
“I know. I just need to get through this weekend.”
CHAPTER 31
UNSCHEDULED
SERAPHINA
I’m not vibing with these prompts for my creative writing class’s short-form fiction assignment. Invisibility potions; monsters swimming beneath ships; finding a genie in a bottle. One of the things I like about writing is that I get to pick what it’s about. Being fenced in like this makes me strangely resentful. They’re all sort of science-fiction, adventure, or thriller themed, too. Couldn’t one of them at least leave room for me to include a little romance? I suppose monster romance is a thing. Maybe I could do that…
The front door slams, and I glance up from my laptop eagerly.
Tyler steps inside a moment later, crossing the room to me. He’s dressed in head-to-toe training gear like he has been all week, not even bothering to change into street clothes. Just clean sets of training clothes in steady rotation like it’s the literal only thing on his mind.
Drawing closer, he plants a kiss on the top of my head. “Hey, Ser.”
“Hi.” I move to close the laptop, but before I can, he’s already halfway out the room. Not sure why I expected otherwise; he gave me a thorough rundown of his schedule for the week.
I’m not part of it.
He didn’t directly say that. He didn’t need to. There’s no free time left between all his off-ice coaching, team practices, studying, and extra training he’s crammed in there in advance of this hockey invitational he’s attending this weekend.
Heart aching, I lean back against the leather couch and re-open the homework I was working on. This week has been awful. One for the record books in the worst possible way. My friendship with Abby is finished, which means I have one less friend here, and I didn’t have all that many to begin with. Even if she sucked, she made my life look better on paper.
I’m also still waiting on the BRCA test results. Enough said.
Then Chase gave me a speech about how I shouldn’t have lied to him and hid things from him for so long. It came from more of an, “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” angle, and somehow that made me feel a million times worse than if he’d been angry with me.
And, as evidenced by what happened two minutes ago, Tyler has been distant all week. He’s hardly initiated texts, doesn’t seem present when we’re together, and all-around seems, well, disinterested in me. Maybe it’s more distraction than lack of interest, but it’s been several days, and it’s hard not to take it personally at this point.
When I try to talk about it, he claims it’s about hockey. How can I believe that when he won’t elaborate beyond that?
I thought being outed in front of everyone would make being with him easier, not worse.
Maybe that’s where I went wrong. Technically, I’m not “with” him in the first place.
Not long after, Tyler is out the door again, this time with Dallas and Chase for team practice. Bailey and Siobhan have come over for a movie night, but it’s pretty clear my mind is somewhere else. We pause the movie halfway through and end up talking instead.
It’s mostly me talking. And crying.
Bailey inclines her head sympathetically. “He’s on a losing streak, Sera. I don’t think he intends for it to be personal.”
I sniffle, wiping my nose with a tissue. “It feels personal.” Shouldn’t he want me to be there for him if something is wrong? He opened up so much to me about hockey before and now, he’s like a vault. That he’s pushing me away makes me feel like there has to be something more to it.
“I’m sorry.” Shiv’s hand lands on my arm, rubbing. “For what it’s worth, I’ve seen the way he looks at you and let me tell you, that man is obsessed.”
“Ha. Doubtful.” Adding my crumpled tissue to the mountain beside me, I reach for my bowl of popcorn. Might as well drown my feelings in food. Though at this point, it’ll take an Olympic swimming pool’s worth of snacks to make a dent.
“Not to brag,” she says, “but my people-reading skills are top notch. I knew something was going on between you guys long before I caught you.”
I pause with a handful of popcorn in my hand, and one falls back into the bowl. “You did?”
“Of course. Even at Chase’s birthday, Tyler was staring at you all night.” Siobhan waves her Twizzler at me as if to emphasize. “Every time I came over, I noticed the same thing. He looks at you like you’re the only person in the room.”
It’s not lost on me that’s exactly how I’d describe the way my dad used to look at my mom.
“Shiv’s right,” Bailey chimes in. “Even I had started to think something was up after Valentine’s Day. Chase mentioned it to me once or twice, too. He thought Tyler had a crush on you, but he didn’t realize something was actually going on.”
My stomach churns because I want to believe what they’re saying but I’m scared to let myself. If what they’re saying is true, he certainly isn’t showing it.
Then again, why should he? It isn’t like he owes me anything.
Even worse, I created this mess by telling him we should “just have fun.” My ability to separate sex from emotion has fallen woefully flat when it comes to him. Now I’m tangled in a web of feelings I’m not sure he returns—or is even capable of returning. He’s made it more than clear hockey is his priority.
Suddenly, an email pops up on my phone. Thinking it’ll be my latest creative writing grade, I swipe into it.
From: [email protected]
Subject: North End Medical Center Appointment Confirmation
Message: Seraphina Carter
Genetic Counseling Appointment
Tuesday at 2:00 PM.
What? Oh my god. They didn’t call me. Does this mean they just went ahead and booked me in? My test results must be back.
Blood roars in my ears as I look at the screen. Tuesday. I’ll know by Tuesday.
“Give him some time,” Siobhan says, snapping my attention back to her. “Sometimes it takes people awhile to realize their taxi cab light has turned on.”
CHAPTER 32
CRUISING ALTITUDE
TYLER
The timing of this fucking EnduraFuel hockey weekend leaves much to be desired.
The first day is okay, but not stellar. There are drills and mini-games, and I come out in the upper tier—though not first, where I arguably should be. After the action wraps up, I meet my dad and we attend the afterparty where we mingle with league officials, meet the other guys, and woo brand sponsors. As nice as the professional paychecks are, the real money is in endorsements.