“That’s great, Coach,” I reply, keeping my words at a minimum to save myself from any further humiliation. The nerves from before are back with a vengeance.
“I have no idea how the world is going to receive your interview, Hayes. But I am proud of you for coming clean. For admitting everything. That takes guts,” he says with pride. “But I do wish you would’ve come to me first before yapping your mouth.”
“I’m sorry. I should’ve. I just—I couldn’t wait.”
“I understand. I’ve been in love before, believe it or not. I’ve messed up like you have, but I wasn’t anywhere near as brave as you to admit when I was wrong. And I paid for my cowardice. I’m glad to see that you didn’t go down the same road I did.”
I’m glad I didn’t either.
“Uh, so just to clarify, I’m not being traded?” I ask, bearing a brutal gust of wind before unlocking my car door and hunkering down to safety.
“No, you’re not.”
I pump my fist into the air before recomposing myself. “Thank you, Coach.”
And in classic Coach fashion, that impenetrable mask of professionalism has sprung back up. “Don’t make me regret it, okay?”
I turn my key in the ignition, knowing exactly where my next destination is. With the adrenaline from the interview still thrumming through me, there’s no way in hell I’m going back to the house.
“I won’t,” I promise.
I’ve got my life back, but there’s still a piece missing—the most important piece of all.
41
IT’S A FOREVER KIND OF THING
AERIS
“Did he just—”
“Yeah,” Lila says.
“In front of—”
“Yeah.”
Should I be happy? Mad? Hayes Hollings just told the whole world the truth live on the internet.
Lila tuts. “He really just did that. I didn’t think he had the balls,” she exclaims, impressed.
I swallow to wet my throat, unable to stop staring at the TV screen. Bristol had texted Lila to turn on YouTube and go to the Knights of the Sound Booth’s homepage. Initially, when she sat me down for some casual watching, I was expecting some cat videos at best, but nothing like this.
My stomach recoils as full-blown terror runs up the length of my spine.
“Li, am I dreaming? Slap me.”
Lila shakes her perfectly preened mane. “Aeris, I’m not going to slap you.”
Okay, maybe it’s a good thing she didn’t actually slap me, because that girl has a killer arm on her. I settle for an indoor-appropriate scream and a faceplant into my couch’s throw pillow.
“What do I do?” I mumble against the cushion.
“Do you forgive him?” Lila asks, rubbing my back with a supportive hand.
Do I forgive him? That’s a loaded question. I…think I do. I didn’t ask him to take responsibility for his mistakes, or to embarrass himself in front of the entire world. But he did. He did, and it’s shown me how serious he feels about me. And watching that interview has only reinforced what I’ve known to be true all along—that I’m undeniably in love with Hayes Hollings.
I lift my head up, days’ worth of anger wilting inside of me. “Do you think I’m stupid if I say I do?”
I feel like I’m about to get a smack to the head to knock some sense into me, but a smile only broadens across Lila’s face.
“You’re not. If this is what you want, I fully support you, okay?”
It is what I want. In fact, I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life.
I’m almost headed out the door to Hayes’ place when I find Lila peeking out the blinds.
“Uh, Aeris, I think someone is here to see you,” she mumbles from her stakeout spot next to the window.
Anxiety fills my body up like lighter fluid. “What?”
I go over to join her, mirroring her eyeline, and that’s when Hayes’ six-foot-three body comes into view. He has a five o’clock shadow, which is new, but I don’t hate it. His hair isn’t as messy as the last time I saw him, and the purple circles under his eyes have lightened.
Even after all this time, he still looks as handsome as ever. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that shit, I guess.
“Oh my God!” I scream, ducking down from sight. “What do I do?”
I haven’t seen Hayes in a while, and all those B.H.—Before Hayes—nerves are coming up and are halfway to clawing themselves free.
“Maybe you should talk to him?”
You’re good at talking to people, Aeris. Kind of. Sometimes. Not under pressure, which you are. This is going to be like that time I accidentally called my Chili’s waitress Mommy. Granted, I was thinking about my mom, but the girl was really freaked out and had someone change sections with her.
What would I even say to him? I mean, I know I was going to go over and talk to him, but I thought I’d at least have some more time to prepare.
Hey, Hayes.
No, that’s too casual.
Hello, Mr. Hayes.
Okay, maybe don’t say hi at all.
I watched that interview you did for the whole internet to see and I’m freaking out because that’s the nicest and dumbest thing anyone’s ever done for me and I also really miss you but I’m mad at you but—
THAT’S TOO MUCH.
I should just let him do all the talking. Yeah. That’s a solid plan.
Lila gives me the room, and I wait a few seconds to open the door. When I do, the afternoon breeze laces through my hair and pesters my exposed arms. It’s colder than usual today, and I’m not sure if that’s a bad omen.
We both stare at each other like we’re two strangers who have the wrong house. There is no jumping into arms or a life-changing kiss. There’s just awkward silence, and I wish we could skip to the part where we’re okay again—where all of this is so far back in our rearview that it was like it never happened. But that’s not reality. Reality is messy, and it makes exceptions for no one.
I don’t want to play hard to get. I don’t want to pretend like these days apart haven’t been the worst days of my life. It’s taking every morsel of self-control not to wrap my arms around him—not to give myself over to him, not to inhale that sandalwood scent of his into my bloodstream, not to commit the minty taste of his tongue to memory.
I’ve always felt so safe in his arms, like nothing can hurt me. I want to feel that way again. I want to feel the feather’s edge of love in the way he strokes the back of my head or presses his lips to my forehead.
Those radiant, blue eyes of his send a direct line of heart-stopping fear to my chest.
He tips his weight onto one foot. “Aeris, I’m here to grovel for your forgiveness.”
That’s…straightforward.
“I—”
“No, I’m serious,” he says. “I don’t expect you to forgive me. I’m not here to clear my conscience. I’m here to tell you that I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I don’t know if you saw…well, if you saw the interview. I really, really fucked up. I never wanted to hurt you. But I did, and I’ll be paying for that mistake for the rest of my life. I should’ve fought for you. You deserve the entire world, and I want to be the one to give it to you.”