“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Her eyelids grew heavy under the sting of emotion. She turned back toward the castle.
“What about the library?” he asked.
“Another time,” she said. She’d already done enough for today.
Chapter eleven
Norah sat on the chaise in her chamber, a needlepoint canvas in her lap, but her eyes were on the gray skies outside the windows. She hadn’t told Rebecca what had happened, about running into Adrian and that he’d discovered her.
Out of all things, her not remembering Alexander seemed to have upset him the most. There was a brief knock on the door. Rebecca moved to answer, but Catherine swept in before her maid reached it.
“Ah, there you are,” her grandmother said when she saw Norah, as if she’d been looking everywhere.
“Here I am,” she said, glancing at Rebecca to see if the maid would mention her outing. But Rebecca only smiled at her.
“Councilman James has requested to see you,” Catherine told her as she picked up the hairbrush from the vanity and waved Norah over. “Rather persistently, I might add. He won’t wait for the state. I can’t hold him off any longer.”
Norah sat at the vanity as Catherine dragged the brush through her hair. “Norah, of all the councilmen, James was closest to your father, and to you.”
“Then he can help me manage whatever is going on with my memories. He can help me sort things out.”
“No,” Catherine said. “If he has concerns, he’ll most certainly discuss them with the other members of the council, and we can’t have that. Not yet. No, you must approach this with care. But don’t worry, I’ll be right by your side, and I’ll help guide the conversation.”
While Norah didn’t like the idea of people speaking for her, she’d much rather have Catherine handle these conversations, and she took some reassurance in that. Nevertheless, apprehension grew in her core. She wasn’t having the best of luck in maintaining appearances. Catherine raked the brush through another section of her hair, and Norah winced. She was beginning to think it didn’t need brushing as much as her grandmother needed something to fill her hands.
“You must greet him warmly,” Catherine told her. “You were very fond of him as a girl.”
“All right, I can give him an embrace when I see him, and—”
“What?” Catherine grimaced. “That’s exactly what you won’t do.”
Norah bit her lip, feeling sheepish.
“It’s not proper. So no, you won’t embrace him, but you will call him James. Others will see it as a slip, as will he, but it’ll represent the relationship you had.”
It seemed so odd, but Norah supposed she could understand that. Adrian hadn’t used her title, and they had been close. And it wasn’t lost on her that when they were alone, Alexander had called her by her name.
Catherine’s voice brought her back. “As queen, you’ll need to select a lord justice. And you’ll need to do so quickly. No doubt James will raise it with you. You’ll discuss three names with him: Lord Bosley, Lord Branton, and Lord Semaine.”
Norah wanted to object to the coronation again, but the mention of choosing a lord justice drew her mind. “You don’t think I should choose Alexander?”
Catherine’s eyes met hers in the mirror’s reflection with a fierceness. “You should not.”
“Why?”
“You’re a clever girl,” Catherine said firmly, as if that answered her question. “But you must choose quickly. Seek James’s council; it’s what he’ll expect, and it will hold his attention. Just make sure it’s one of the three. Lord Branton should be your top choice, although the other two are satisfactory if James feels strongly.”
Norah couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach. Why shouldn’t she pick Alexander?
“Come,” Catherine said, satisfied with Norah’s hair, which looked no different than it had before. “James will be looking for your audience, and I can’t delay him anymore.”
She followed her grandmother as they made their way toward the throne room. Norah said the names of the lord justice candidates over in her mind. It wasn’t the first time she’d heard them. Catherine had introduced her to each of them at her return celebration: Lord Bosley, Lord Branton, Lord…
Damn it.
Panic swelled inside of her. This was an important introduction, and she felt too rushed and ill prepared. James would see right through her.
James and Alexander were waiting when they arrived. Alexander stood fixed, but his gaze caught hers. She wondered if Adrian had told him about their conversation. She broke from his invisible hold and tried to push him from her mind to focus on the task ahead.
“Princess Norah,” James greeted her, stepping forward and sweeping up her hand in his. He was tall and thin, balding on top, and old enough to be her father. His eyes held a deep affection. “Welcome home, my dear.”
“James,” she said, reaching for as genuine a smile as she could manage. She caught a glint of a tear in his eye, but he cleared his throat.
“Though years belated, let me express my sorrow for the loss of your father. He’s greatly missed. As you’ve been.”
Norah nodded, unable to speak. Her father had died in the war while she’d been gone. Was she expected to be mourning him? She wished she could remember him so that she could. But she did mourn everything she’d lost. “Thank you,” she replied. “It’s still difficult to speak of him.” That was truthful enough.
James squeezed her hand in understanding. “There’s so much to cover since you’ve been gone. And with your coronation fast approaching, I can understand that you might still be in shock of it all.”
Norah let out a relieved breath. Finally, someone who seemed to understand, at least a sliver.
“You probably don’t feel ready for this,” he said.
If he only knew…
“Is anyone ever truly ready?” Catherine asked.
He gave a small nod, thinking. “Might we go for a walk?” he asked Norah.
“Um…” she said uneasily, looking back at her grandmother.
“James,” Catherine said, trying to intervene. “Edward is looking to set up a state now that you’ve returned. You’ll have ample opportunity—”
“Yes, I look forward to it,” he said, giving her a bow of his head. “But I would like to speak to the princess now.” He turned back to Norah. “Shall we?”
Norah glanced back at Catherine, who she knew couldn’t do much more. “Of course,” she replied uneasily. She tried to steady her breath as she walked with James out of the hall.
“All this must be quite overwhelming,” he started.
She couldn’t help a small smile. She appreciated his empathy. “It is,” she admitted.
“Where have you been, Norah?”
She continued walking, trying to not let his directness intimidate her. The sun was setting over the castle, casting long shadows through the hall.
“I can’t share that, at least not yet,” she said, as confidently as she could manage.