Kasey felt untethered hearing Devon’s name come out of Silas’s mouth for the first time, and her face was so close to his.
“I’m so sorry everything happened like it did back then. I didn’t mean—” she said. Silas pulled her closer. “No, I’m serious. You would’ve never done that to me and I know that.” Kasey shook her head. His hand stayed at the small of her back.
“Ah, I’m just glad to be here now.”
She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to kiss him really bad. She wanted to stop time and return to those nights when it was just the two of them, away from the world. Those nights up late in his truck, those nights he’d sneak out and wait at the end of the driveway for her to climb out of her bathroom window. Those spring nights that stretched on forever and ever and ever until life ran through her like an EF5 tornado.
Kasey and Silas let their noses touch, and Silas moved his up and down, snuggling closer.
“Can we talk more now, though? I mean, when you go home, you won’t disappear completely again? We can be friends?” Silas asked.
“Of course, Silas. We’ll always be friends. You know I love you, right?”
“You know I love you.”
When “Cowboy Take Me Away” ended, Rosemarie started singing “Strawberry Wine” by Deana Carter, and Kasey and Silas kept holding on. Kasey loved that song too much. They’d danced to it at prom, and it was one of RACK’s permanent BFF songs. The lyrics were too much, the champagne was too much, everything was too much. Kasey couldn’t help but cry. Silas held her tighter and asked if she was okay.
“Yeah, I am. Thank you,” she said, the two of them tied together with a mile-long ribbon of words they wouldn’t say.
When Rosemarie was finished singing, Silas put his hand on the back of Kasey’s head and, softly in her ear, thanked her for the dance.
*
Before the sun came up the next day, Kasey called Devon and told him about Silas. Told him he was her first everything important and that being back in Goldie and seeing him was overwhelming, and not entirely in a bad way. In a way that left her feeling exhausted and confused, and she’d be even more confused if she weren’t flying back tomorrow, but she was. Thank God she was.
Devon wasn’t mad, but he kept asking Kasey why she hadn’t told him about Silas earlier. What was the big secret? He had exes too. As a matter of fact, he saw his ex in the park recently and she was walking four dogs. Devon laughed because he thought she was allergic.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, but I wanted to tell you now, while the feelings are fresh. I barely got any sleep last night,” Kasey said.
“Look. Just come home. Goldie’s got you in a fugue state, that’s all,” he said. “I love you.” His voice was confident and relaxed. So Devon. She’d done the right thing by coming clean, and he reassured her of it.
Goldie’s got me in a fugue state, she said to herself as she snatched open the hotel curtains. She closed her eyes and interrupted her bad memories of Goldie by instead remembering Silas’s nose touching hers last night and Rosemarie singing those songs as the rest of the stars came out, slow, slow, and quick. When she opened her eyes again, she stared out at the dark hills without blinking until everything went blurry. She wanted coffee.
While she drank her dark roast, she scrolled through some work emails, not feeling the least bit guilty for ignoring them since she was on vacation. She wrote in the group chat she had with her girlfriends from the city, saying hi and that she was stoked to see them soon for drinks next week. She was interrupted by an incoming surprise text from Silas.
Your earring’s in my pocket.
It’s not even six yet. What are you
doing up?
Early shift. Filling in for someone at
the station. An outlaw never sleeps.
Why is my earring in your pocket?
Ada said she found it on the
kitchen counter and I took it because
I told her I’d see you before
you left town. Was I right?
Were you?
I hope so, Fritz. I hope so.
Now why would I choose to hang
out with an unrepentant thief?
Because ladies love cowboys and
outlaws. Like Quick Draw McGraw.
Do you need me to keep rhyming?
Because I will.
Please don’t! :P
Okay, but only for you. See you soon?
Yes, please.
Kasey sat by the window and held her mug with both hands in the dark, anxious for the first hint of morning light.
2004
10
Kasey and Angie were at the kitchen table with the last college loan application in front of them. Angie clicked her pen with one hand and dug into the cookie dough with the other.
“Mama, come on,” Kasey said. She’d spent most of the afternoon tutoring and had been waiting all evening for her mom to get off work.
“I’m sorry! Okay. One last lick,” Angie said, putting her finger in her mouth. She hopped up to get a dish towel so she could wipe her hand clean.
Roy hadn’t been home for two days, so the farmhouse was like a whole new world. The music was on; the windows were open. The short kitchen curtains were blowing up and out, making the soft evening sunlight dance around the room. Yesterday, Kasey found out she’d gotten the market analyst research internship in New York City that she’d been stressing over for months. That, on top of getting into Greenlee—the Ivy League she wanted—had made both of Kasey’s wildest college dreams come true already. The third step was making sure everylittlebit was covered financially, since her mom hadn’t been able to save up much and Kasey was hoping to focus on school instead of having to worry about finding a job too.
The internship paid a little, not a lot, but being selected was priceless. She and her mom had gotten their favorite Thai takeout from the fancy place in Adora Springs and a dark green bottle of sparkling grape juice to celebrate. Angie brought home five different kinds of boxed cakes for them to decide on and three tubs of frosting to mix and match. Yellow cake with chocolate was usually their favorite, but last week when Roy was gone, they’d made a lemon-Sprite cake and slathered it with fluffs of vanilla cream. Angie nabbed the best cookie dough too, but so far, it hadn’t made it into the oven. Kasey gave in and scooped some of it off the package with her finger, echoing her mom’s one last lick after she ate it.
“Praise the Lord this is the last form we need to fill out. These things are hell,” Angie said, clicking the pen again and beginning to write.
“At least we’re on the good side of it.”
“Yes we are, Kaseybaby, and I’m so proud of you I can’t stand it. I could hardly sleep last night.”
“I know. You were keeping me up with your wiggling and turning the light on!” Kasey said. They’d slept together in her mom’s king-sized bed like they did so often when Roy was gone. Kasey didn’t care where Roy had run off to and didn’t ask.
“I’m sorry, but honestly, if I don’t complain about your strawberry sleep toots, then you shouldn’t complain about my wiggling or my sitting up and reading,” her mom said.
“I wasn’t the only one with strawberry sleep toots!” Kasey pointed at her.
“Then maybe next time we shouldn’t eat a pint of strawberries before bed!”